Mel Robbins - The High 5 Habit

02/08/22 • 53 min

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In today’s episode, our guest is an author and speaker, Mel Robbins. She was the world's most booked female speaker, with a fee of $100,000 per hour. She had numerous audiobooks being listened to every day. The 5 Second Rule was Audible's nonfiction bestseller in 2017 and the most successful self-published audiobook of all time, with 2 million copies sold in 33 languages and 100,000+ five-star ratings. Today, she will share with us her journey on how she figured out how she can change her habits and be a more confident and fulfilled person. Stay tuned!

[3:02] Why should we listen to you?

I don't think you should, and I believe that you should do what you authentically want to do. And if I have a vibe or energy about me that clicks, then you'll want to listen and talk to me. And if I don't, you shouldn't listen or talk to me.

[4:04] Do you find you've ever had conversations where you feel like “I'm supposed to be important,” and then someone makes it clear you're not to them?

I recently had this interview where it was a guy who I think had been in broadcast forever. He had invited me to come on his podcast. And he's not on camera. He keeps his camera off. And I say, hey, I've done some research, but could you tell me about your audience and your ideal intention so that I can make sure that the way I show up in this interview aligns with what your audience likes? And he's like, “Oh, it's a generic audience.” He was dismissive. Then he asked me the first question, which was, “So, tell me about the high five habits.” It was a wide-open question. I was explaining whatever, I've just written a book about it. And so I'm telling the story, and all of a sudden he goes, “You know, could you stop talking? We need a back and forth. I don't need you to give me a goddamn presentation.”

[8:41] “It's hard to see the label when you're the one inside the jar.”

What that made me think about is that one of the biggest challenges that I have as a mom is dealing with any issue where our kids feel anxious because it triggers my own anxiety and then I rush in to try to get rid of the anxiety and solve the situation which only makes the anxiety stick around and come back because I'm not teaching them how to problem solve through it. I'm rescuing them. And so that's been a really difficult issue for me to try to work through. But that's not the label of my job this year.

[11:00] It's hard to see the label when you're inside the jar. And you know you're inside the jar because it's frustrating to try to get the lid off no matter how hard you're cranking. I think the label on the jar I've been trapped in is successful but miserable.

[16:24] Your fears are so much a part of who you are that every time you go to level up or ask, “Well, what's next? Or what do I want to do?”, you will immediately level it back down based on that fear. That's the only thing that will allow me to get out of that fucking jar.

[18:48] Harmony

I love the word harmony. Whenever anybody asks me about life balance, I say I don't believe in that. I believe in work-life harmony. Things fit together when they're in harmony. One of the most important things for creating harmony is boundaries. They will only fit together if they aren't competing with one another. And that doesn't mean the rigidity of this. It just means you don't want to find yourself in a zone where it's not kind of the black and white kind of weave together. Everything's a gray blob because you're always working and there's got to be a little bit of separation.

[22:18] What do I want my life to look like?

I'm looking for areas where there is friction. I'll give you an example. This morning, I was talking with somebody that works on my team. And we were talking about the newsletter that will go out this week to our newsletter list. And we have a huge newsletter list. And I have to be honest with you, I hate writing the newsletter. Because the process of writing it, creating it, all of it creates a ton of friction. For me, the process is broken. I'm not clear about what I'm doing. It's just not joyful. And one of the things I know that I want in my life is to have more fun and be more joyful in the process of doing work. And there's a lot of things that I do in my work, a life that is fun and has no friction.

[30:02] My medium happens to be making videos, writing books, talking to people, soon to be podcasting as well. When I finally permitted myself to realize that being a businesswoman, a dealmaker, and an artist are the two things that I love to do. And it means that I'm always going to be creating something. With every project or new thing that we take on, there's always something that you're going to learn.

[36:54] Life Lesson

If there are some lessons learned, it would be to reach out for help sooner. So reach out to people that are two steps ahead of you. Go to their seminars, d...

[3:02] Why should we listen to you?

[4:04] Do you find you've ever had conversations where you feel like “I'm supposed to be important,” and then someone makes it clear you're not to them?

[8:41] “It's hard to see the label when you're the one inside the jar.”

[18:48] Harmony

[22:18] What do I want my life to look like?

[36:54] Life Lesson

If there are some lessons learned, it would be to reach out for help sooner. So reach out to people that are two steps ahead of you. Go to their seminars, d...

Previous Episode

Daniel Mangen - The way beyond yourself

In this episode, our guest is Daniel Mangena. He is a prolific author, public speaker, coach, and podcast host with a mission to enable anyone to choose an abundant, joyful, and purpose-driven life. Daniel is part of the “Micromillions Program,” which helps individuals get their businesses up running and scaling. His whole goal is to spearhead an evolutionary uplift in universal consciousness. Today, he talks with us about removing fear from our lives and manifesting the reality we want.

[4:44] Why should we listen to you?

I have 21 years of experience that you can bypass. I have a lot of pain that you can sidestep by learning through my experiences vicariously instead of having to do it on your own. By doing so, you might find your abundance activated, your purpose amplified, and the meaning cemented in what you’re going to do from that day forward.

[6:26] How did you become confident in the area that you are working?

I didn’t choose this. It chose me. I was dragged kicking and screaming until the moment came where I shut up long enough to see the light that was available on the other side of my resistance. I realized what God had been trying to set me up into. My first business was meant to help people. That’s what I stepped out to do. That’s the thing that cascaded into me going down an utterly audacious path of ending up in jail and rebuilding my life again. I ended up facing all of these dark shadows.

[8:32] I went through a course of events where the truth I was asked to step into was made available to me. The fears that I had were rendered null and void. I shut up long enough to taste it and be in it. Now, I’m so fulfilled. It doesn’t feel like I’m working. I live life on my terms.

[9:52] How did you overcome fear?

When I was 17 years old, I wasn’t chasing girls. I was focused on reading and chasing success. Over the years, I’ve come to see that so much of what we fear is based on stories. We told ourselves about something that hadn’t even happened yet. When I define anxiety, the fact is that it hasn’t happened yet. When there’s a series of outcomes which may or may not be true, why are we giving our attention to what we don’t even like? For me, running my thing unemployed was primarily about looking at the story, challenging the truth, and overcoming it.

[11:53] When you’re spiraling, it’s when you are resourced to have an internal thing. So take it to its final thing where you are fearful. If it happens, it happens. But by shining a light and thinking about what you’re thinking about separately from it, you’re no longer emotionally engaged in it. You can become the witness of it and see it dispassionately.

[14:56] Dream with your Eyes open with Dan

We are always in a dream state. Some of that dream state is lucid, and some of it is not. Some of our dreams happen when we’re asleep. When we look at the metaphysical realm that discussions are happening, we’re seeing more and more of these parallels between actively creating your reality. I’m inviting people to have an experience where they have greater dominion over what they’re doing every day that moves from a normal sleeping state into a lucid dreaming state. From that place, we can have a conscious involvement in what we’re creating. We can therefore direct to have more meaning by being more purposeful.

[18:38] How do you get to that point of having internal authority?

I’m not full of it. Everything I say, I know, is real because I’ve lived in it. I’m sharing my experiences. I’m not trying to tell anybody that I’m perfect. I’ve messed up even on the road that I’m in now. Taking the humble hat off is the authenticity of what I’m speaking that comes from the fact that I live what I say. Anything that goes in a book has been tested in my life. Everything that goes out into the general public has been field-tested. When I’m speaking, I’m speaking from not hope or possibility but from something that I’ve seen time and time again.

[21:39] Understanding how to Invest in yourself

Have some experience with the spiritual and the mindset, whether through a religious perspective, spiritual perspective, or even just mindfulness practice. If you have those three components, then we could speak the same language. If we could speak the same language, we could definitely create something different.

[23:08] Manifesting Reality

We’re all manifesting all the time. Physical reality is a manifestation of thought into form. When you close your eyes, there’s nothing there. But if you open your eyes, you just manifest form. Now, there’s nothing special about that everybody’s doing it all the time. But when people use manifestation than the current buzzword framework, that’s what I’m talking about.

[25:34] When we go into the quantum mechanics of how reality operates, all of those possibilities are real and true. For example, the fish can just jum...

Next Episode

Koya Webb - Get Loved Up

Guesting on this episode is Koya Webb, an internationally recognized yoga teacher, celebrity holistic health coach, author, speaker, and vegan activist. Her core mission is to promote daily self-care, oneness, and eco-friendly living to combat some of the world's biggest challenges, including mental health, social injustices, and global warming. Koya is the founder of "Get Loved Up," an international lifestyle community and Yoga School that inspires mental, spiritual, and physical health through an app, online courses, retreats, in-person yoga teacher training events. Today, she shares with us how Yoga has changed her life.

Why should we listen to you?

[3:24] I'm an empath and a compassionate person. That means I actually can feel like if someone's feeling sad or someone's angry, even if they're not stomping around, and I can pick up specific energy for them.

[4:25] I naturally love people, and if something has happened to you, I love just hearing your background. As a little girl, I naturally cared about people when people were hurting, I'd feel pain, and I feel sadness.

Who is Koya as a Coach?

[6:54] I am a holistic health coach and wellness entrepreneur, holistic health coach. I help people mentally, spiritually, physically, and not just by saying those words. Still, I have tools, courses, and practices that spiritually help people learn meditation and breathwork, physically plant-based nutrition, and working out, whether it be Yoga or fitness or just going for a walk in nature. To live a healthy and active lifestyle, you need all of those aspects and well-being rituals that can help you through any time you're going through it in life. I love developing products that help people live healthy and active lifestyles.

Feeling a Connection in Yoga

[9:49] I got an injury, and I hurt my elbow for my lower back. I was stressed out and depressed. So I went into a yoga class, and it was when the teacher guided me to my breath that's when I felt alignment with spirit. When I got in this class and felt this full-body chill when I breathed, it felt like the Holy Spirit. And honestly, now, that's where I find my connection.

[13:41] Yoga taught me to rest, relax, recover, and how important my health was. The injury taught me that I can't run myself into the ground and still expect to be 100%. But I didn't learn right away. I would move to California and got a coach to coach me, and I went right back into hardcore, personal training because that's what I decided to do. I was stressed out. I was jumping, and I got injured again. After the second injury, I decided to go back to Yoga. It healed me again. But the second time, I said, "everyone should have this gift in their life."

How Personal Training has helped Koya

[18:41] It helped me out so much because I understand the body and how it works and the science behind losing weight, gaining weight, and how that part of the physical part of it. I learned about bodies by spending time with people and noticing I worked at 24 Hour Fitness. So it wasn't just a specific type of body that I was handling; I work with many different kinds of bodies, men and women of all different sizes. I had to get creative. I had to listen to people. I had to learn what was going to work for their body. I hadn't had to learn how to keep them safe, how to diagnose injuries, and keep people safe. For me, it was really about a healthy lifestyle.

Creating a Balanced Lifestyle

[21:52] Everyone loves the fact that they can eat whatever they want. So that's the biggest thing that I get pushback on. What I do now is figuring out how you can have what you like in a balanced way and achieve the goals you want. When it comes to spirituality, I try to connect you and align with your lifestyle and purpose, no matter what you're doing. As a holistic health coach, it is bringing those things together and seeing how you can create an optimal lifestyle for yourself. You don't have to be perfect. You can still eat some, but if you're eating junk foods every day, you might not achieve that goal you set out for yourself.

Koya's Biggest Challenge

[27:11] I think my biggest battle was codependency and over-giving and over-loving people. There is a balance in giving or serving others, and you cannot love others to the detriment of yourself.

[31:02] If you're a lover and a giver, and you don't set boundaries for yourself, you will find yourself running all over the place. Anytime someone calls you, you're there. If someone asked me for something, to get something to help with something, you could depend on me to do it. I was a woman of my word, and I will sacrifice myself. So I literally would give to a fall, and it had to create some balance. So set some boundaries for yourself. Have something that you're regularly doing. And now and then, you can push the limits for someone else. But check ...