Can I get my therapist to take me back?

08/15/24 • 40 min

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses whether or not we can get a past therapist to see us again, if we can move on without having a sense of self, and how often we have to be purging to be diagnosed with an eating disorder. She also gives us some ways we can work up the courage to share something difficult with our therapist, and what to do if we have been the abusive one in our relationship. Finally, she explains the symptoms we can have due to having a mom who is a narcissist. Ask Kati Anything | episode 229 1. Wondering if my therapist will take me back. I'm 21 and have suffered all my life with obsessions with authority figures, usually teachers or bosses. It's gotten very intense in the past and usually I think about them 24/7, though I'm not a stalker or creepy or dangerous. My suspicion is that my complicated relationship with my mom, whom I adore but who has unfortunately admitted to not really ever bonding with me, might be the problem...2. How can I move on without having a sense of self? I had depression for years and I’m working on perfectionism and over-controlling, which are caused by CPTSD, in therapy. I’m now accepting myself more and I want to make good choices for my future, but I can’t make decisions because I have been out of touch with myself for so long. I have a sense of what I like and don’t like in daily life but I don’t know what choices would align with the essence of who I am.3. I had a question about certain ED behavior. I’m wondering how often you have to purge for it to be considered an Eating Disorder. I’m sure you’ve answered this before but I thought I would ask specifically about purging.4. How do I work up the courage to talk to my therapist about something I’ve never talked about before, ever? The thing itself is more of a little t trauma, but it has a weird hold over me and makes me so anxious and has made me avoid things for a decade. I think because I’ve never talked about it and I’ve been avoiding it, it’s made it worse, so I wonder if finally talking about it will help. My therapist is great and I’ve been meeting with her for 5 years, but I get nervous about being vulnerable, especially since I think I’m having a disproportionate reaction. What should I do?5. What do we do if we've been abusive? I feel that I was abusive in a relationship, though my ex and every mental health professional I've met have said that I wasn't. The professionals have said it's just OCD. In any event, people have been trying to convince me I wasn't abusive for eleven years, ever since that relationship...6. I want to know my mom is a narcissist but when I was growing up my mom would wake up at night yells and run away I remember my dad always go after her and brings her back I don't know why she did it but it scared the hell out of me I didn't understand it because I was only a kid. Can it be why I am a light sleeper? And making my anxiety worse? I know it is not the only case I have been through a lot. I never did sleep deep because I was too scared. I felt I always had to protect myself in some way. Can it be why my anxiety is so highly present? I love your podcasts!PUBLISHED BOOKS Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY Join this channel & access more perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzBYOHyEEzlkRdDOSobbpvw/join ONLINE THERAPY (enjoy 10% off your first month) While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati SOCIAL X: https://twitter.com/KatiMorton TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@katimorton Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katimorton Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/ Patreon: https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ PARTNERSHIPS Linnea Toney [email protected]

Previous Episode

Why do you care so much about what other people think?

This week, licensed therapist Kati Morton offers ways that we can care a little less about what other people think of us, how to stop emotional eating, and the ways we can use somatic responses to release anxiety and stress. She then helps motivate us to keep going when it feels like nothing is working, how we can better deal with having an invisible illness, and how to get unstuck in our life.

Ask Kati Anything - episode 228 audience questions:

1. How can I learn to care a little less about what others think of me - specifically, about being liked by *everyone*. It's exhausting. I'm obsessed with making sure that everyone thinks I'm a "nice" person, a "good" person, and the thought of someone being mad at me is really distressing. Worse, I notice that if I even think someone doesn't like me (which might not even be true!), I double stress and try extra hard to win them over...

2. How is it possible to stop emotional eating? I often see myself eating when stressed, for example. And for some reason, if I buy chocolate, I eat the whole thing in a day. Which wouldn't mind me so much if it didn't mean that I have nothing for the next day, additionally to me feeling absolutely sick after.

3. Hi Kati, can you talk about somatic responses to stress/anxiety? How does one manage this?

4. I’ve been made homeless because my relationship has broken down so I’m currently on the streets and charging my phone in McDonald’s. The reason my relationship has broken down is because of my trauma, I’ve had it all. Childhood SA, physical abuse, neglect, a narcissistic parent and a drug addicted parent, emotional abuse, gained an ED as a child from my mom. I can’t be around so many things without being triggered into flashbacks, I can’t have sex because of trauma, I’m too scared of men, I still struggle with eating and I self harm. I have been trying so hard working with my therapist, but recovery seems impossible and I’m wondering if it will ever get better? Will I ever recover?

5. How to deal with an invisible illness? Especially when I'm the invisible child in my family (I'm 40). I have dysautonomia after covid and pneumonia.... tachycardia, POTS, extreme fatigue, heat intolerance, shortness of breath, muscle deterioration, brain fog, costochondritis, among other things. It's been 2.5 years of absolute hell. My family sees me breathing and standing and "I'm not dead", so I must be making it up or exaggerating. Or I'm told constantly to "just calm down" and "it's just anxiety." I've been invisible and unheard in my family my whole life, as the youngest child. I'm never taken seriously, silenced if I offer an opinion, shut down if I offer to help. My family has no compassion for others, always victim blaming. And unfortunately these have been my caretakers, which I am grateful for, but their lack of empathy comes off as cruel.

6. I’m divorced 4 years after a 30 year marriage and now that I’m past the anger and resentment of betrayal we get along, which feels better in my body and is easier on our grown kids and few mutual friends. It was a confusing relationship and even more confusing breakup...

PUBLISHED BOOKS Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY Join Kati's PATREON community to access more perks: https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ ONLINE THERAPY While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month) SOCIAL X: https://twitter.com/KatiMorton TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@katimorton Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katimorton Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/ PARTNERSHIPS Linnea Toney [email protected]

Next Episode

Overcoming the Unspoken: Sexual Assault, COVID Grief, Bullying, and Suicidal Thoughts

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about why it can be hard to tell our therapist about a sexual assault, and why the R-word can be so difficult to talk about. She then discusses why it seems to be harder to maintain our mental health post-COVID, how to work through perpetual grief, and how to overcome intense bullying. Finally, she explains how EMDR works, and why we can hold onto our suicidal thoughts and plans. Audience questions from Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 230:1. I was wondering why I can’t seem to talk to my therapist about being raped?? Backstory: I was raped twice by a family friend and both times were more than 10+ years ago so I should just be over it by now. I’ve been seeing a therapist for over a year now. I really do like her and I feel comfortable and really connected to her. I can count on one hand the few people who know about both assaults, but I’ve never been able to share with anyone intimate details of it besides the few details that my therapist knows about. However, every time the conversation...2. Is it just me, or is it so much harder to maintain good mental health as compared to pre-COVID times. So much changed during that time and so many of us lost important social connections. I hope this doesn’t sound lame, but... what is your advice for starting over?3. How do we work through perpetual grief? I feel a lot of grief over things that I didn't get to do or experience due to mental health issues over the years. Recognizing that I can't turn back time, and some of the things I missed I will never be able to do or that it will not be the same experience had it happened at the appropriate time. This caused me to have even more grief as I'm going through life knowing I'm not...4. I don’t have any hopes in life because I keep getting bullied and bullied and bullied ever since I was 10 and now I’m 13 I’m in seventh grade now and I’m scared to actually go to school because I keep getting bullied. I don’t tell my parents...5. Can you possibly explain the science behind EMDR in human terms? ;). It is completely fascinating to me how it works, because it does! My mind has started one place and ended up where I never would have expected to. I have had flashes of odd images come into my mind as well that I haven’t mentioned because they are just weird or embarrassing. 6. Even when I was doing a little bit better and wasn’t having too many suicidal thoughts, I’ve always had a plan in place in my head. This seems really messed up to me and now this method isn’t possible to me it feels stressful; like I need an answer again. I don’t understand why it feels necessary to have a definite answer to this again. Or why it was a constant presence in the first place. I’ve had rather complicated mental health issues for years and had lots of treatments and felt pretty hopeless for a long time. I’m guessing this has something to do with it but it just doesn’t sit right with me that it always feels needed in the background.

PUBLISHED BOOKS Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY ONLINE THERAPY While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month) SOCIAL

YouTube: https://youtube.com/katimorton X: https://twitter.com/KatiMorton TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@katimorton Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katimorton Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/ Patreon: https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/ PARTNERSHIPS Linnea Toney [email protected]