06 | On Trying To Save Everyone

04/26/23 • 24 min

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This episode is about reframing generosity. As high achievers, the temptation to help everyone looking for mentorship is strong. Many of us get trapped in this version of generosity that has us spread thin, trying to do the best we can for everyone. All of these mentorships take up time and energy that could have been spent on our core vision - the passion that has propelled us to the top of our fields.
I know how tempting it is to say yes to everyone asking for help. But if we want to continue growing and expanding, we must shift our mindset on giving.
Generosity is not about how much you give. Generosity is about how well you give. Ask yourself: “What’s at risk for me if I give to this person and what’s at risk for them if I say yes?” It’s not always about filling in the gaps with little ways that you can help people here and there and spreading yourself thin. It’s about keeping your eye on the prize and putting energy in places that drive your mission and goals.
GEMS DROPPED

“...because of the structural barriers, there's no one above us. And so we feel once we get to these levels, it's like, well, I didn't have anyone to look up to. I'm now the person I wish I had been back then. So I owe it to this young, bright mind ...to take the phone call to say you know what, go ahead and send me your resume. Yeah, you know, go ahead and send me your portfolio. You know what, I'll find some time in my calendar, reach out to my assistant, you're just saying yes to everybody. And look, I want you all to understand, sometimes you're gonna say, Yes but it has to be filtered through a set of criteria that you have determined for yourself that it incorporates, and really, I think, at its foundation is about protecting who you are most meant to be showing up in the world”.

“...we got to stop trying to save everyone, and losing ourselves in the process and losing our big pictures in the process. It's not a strike against you to have boundaries in this way...we mistake generosity for spreading ourselves out. And that generosity actually has nothing to do with giving a lot. It's not about the amount of giving that you do but about the number of people that you give to and how much you give them. Generosity is about quality. Generosity is about how well you give. Generosity is not about how much you give, it is about how well you give. And what happens is we get into this practice of giving ourselves away”.
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05 | Why We MUST Stop Isolating Ourselves - How To Connect Deeply With Other Women (CEO Series)

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How are you navigating and managing your path to success? The biggest challenge high-achieving women face is isolation. You are wired to be self-sufficient and have an overwhelming feeling of responsibility and ownership. Those qualities propelled you into a powerful leadership position, but is being alone sustainable?
In this episode, I share a story from my young adult life that was a turning point for me. At that moment, I realized how disconnected I felt from other women. That is also when I made a choice to start navigating life through relationships. That decision was the greatest shift I had made professionally and personally.
Now, I have gained the gift of personal connection. Relationships are essential to our basic well-being. No matter how much we fight it or insist, we can navigate the journey alone. Connections with other people bring clarity and motivation. Your advancement, your expansion, and your growth are absolutely dependent on your ability to connect and relate to others.
I encourage you to open up and pull others into your journey. I encourage you to experience the power of what it means to learn through relationships and to be exposed to another human being. Because if you’re not able to share your problems or not able to share your questions, you are never going to get new answers.
GEMS DROPPED
I've been able to shift my beliefs about myself about what's possible for me as a human, as a business owner, as a wife, as a mom, because I now know the power of what it means to learn through relationship, to be exposed to another human being, because if you're not able to share your problems, not able to share your questions or just the things that you're sitting with, you're never gonna get new answers”.
“...a big part of what I'm trying to share on this episode today is encouragement for you to find and tap into some bravery and belief around the fact that you can shift your entire existence, you can shift your being, by just deciding...to reveal that piece of yourself that feels messy or shameful or uncertain or not good enough. That's honestly the key. That's the thing that you're waiting on to be different. You have to decide to be different with it, which means to stop trying to hold it alone, to open yourself up, and recognize that, okay, I'm not meant to do anything alone in life. We're really not”
“If you are feeling isolated, and you are feeling like I know my high achievement... it's blocking me from connecting with other people from trusting other people from letting the other people in to actually see me and embrace me and hold me and help me, you're holding yourself back”.
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07 | Being "Worthy" Of The Pivot

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Today I am taking away our excuses. If you are tuned into this episode, you are attracted to the notion of self-directed ambition. There is something calling to you that is bigger than what you are doing now. But these changes we want to make in our careers and businesses are pivots that trigger our worthy button.
No matter how much anyone tells you that you’re worthy of success, you will not truly embody that feeling until you persuade yourself of your own worthiness. To grow, expand, and attain that next level of excellence, we need to engage in the art of self-persuasion. No one else can help make these pivots. It is on us to shift our mindset and learn how to build the skill of working with ourselves and reflecting internally to believe in our worthiness.
In this episode, I break down the obstacles and challenges that hold high-achievers back from making a necessary pivot. It’s less about doing and more about being. There is no way to know how a scenario will work out so believe in the story that is going to lift you up. When you move with the confidence of you who are and what you stand for, it’s magnetic. You are powerful. You are worthy. You can make that pivot.
GEMS DROPPED

“Setting yourself up for success is either code for, “I want to make sure that I make a move that protects me from failure” or “how do I make sure I'm set up for it is what will finally make me worthy of the success?” So one is about, I want to make sure that I have collected all of the Girl Scout badges, and the other is about I've put on enough armor to protect myself. Both of those buckets are a way of thinking that has been handed down to us through traditional career building in corporate structures and neither of those models is going to get you to your intrinsic vision”
“The social contracts that you make with people, they do exist. When we build up different brands, or even just professional reputations in people's minds, they exist, ...people need to be able to hold you in their imaginations as something, we need to make sense of each other. But those brands, those reputations are not built on the specific configuration of what you do and how you do it in the world. They're not built upon the specific titles that you carry, the specific strengths and skills that you have, and how those things specifically come together. That's not actually the bedrock, they're a part of it, for sure, but the bedrock of those social contracts, and the way that people are carrying us in their minds... is trust”.
“People are not thinking about us as much as we think they are. we're caught up in our own stuff y'all, like the same way that you're just trying to stay on top of all the basic necessities of your life in all the big questions of your life. That's what everybody else is doing, too.”
“...things that you think you need to have... all of the shiny objects that you need to collect... all of the people, all of the authorities that need to approve of you before you can make this step, you don't have to be set up in that way for success. The way that we set ourselves up for these pivots. The ways that we prepare ourselves to make these kinds of pivots is by going internal into making some decisions and making some shifts around how we are relating to ourselves, which then carry out to how we move. When we move with that kind of energy, you become magnetic...’
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Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to [email protected].