Alex Holmes: Loneliness Awareness Week Miniseries

06/14/21 • 56 min

Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to a 3-part miniseries of Alonement produced for Loneliness Awareness Week in collaboration with the Marmalade Trust.

My first guest is Alex Holmes, an author, podcaster and mental health educator. On his podcast, Time To Talk, Alex interviews his guests about mental health, masculinity, identity and emotional education. His book of the same name, Time To Talk: How Men Think About Love, Belonging and Connection, came out earlier this year. Alex reached out to me a couple of months ago on Instagram to say hello, ahead of a panel event we’ll be doing together at a literary festival later this year. Unbeknown to him, I was putting together the line-up for this mini-series – and I jumped at the chance to have him on.

I was so grateful to have this conversation with Alex, who proved so generous in every sense – generous with his time for coming on and generous with his honesty and vulnerability in what he shares. First up, we talk about his own experience of growing up feeling lonely – despite being part of a loving family – and how he came to terms with this. Later on, we discuss how owning your imperfections, far from alienating you, can actually become a force for connection. That’s a lot of other good stuff in there too. But, in a nutshell, have a listen – and I hope you enjoy.

SOCIALS

You can find Alex on Instagram at @byalexholmes.

As ever, follow Alonement on Instagram @alonementofficial, and follow host Francesca Specter on Twitter @ChezSpecter

You can learn more about the Marmalade Trust and the work they do on Twitter (@marmaladetrust) and Instagram (marmalade_trust)

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to a 3-part miniseries of Alonement produced for Loneliness Awareness Week in collaboration with the Marmalade Trust.

SOCIALS

You can find Alex on Instagram at @byalexholmes.

As ever, follow Alonement on Instagram @alonementofficial, and follow host Francesca Specter on Twitter @ChezSpecter

You can learn more about the Marmalade Trust and the work they do on Twitter (@marmaladetrust) and Instagram (marmalade_trust)

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Previous Episode

Dr Emma Hepburn: Forget Happyland – It Doesn't Exist

It’s season finale time! And, might I add, what a banger to conclude with: my interviewee this week is Dr Emma Hepburn a.k.a @thepsychologymum. Emma quickly became one of my all-time favourites interviewees within minutes of starting this recording. She is that magical combination of grounded, honest and astonishingly wise. One moment she’s your relatable close friend, the next she’s throwing out brilliant nuggets of wisdom that make you pause for thought.

For those who aren’t already familiar with her work, Emma is an NHS clinical psychologist known for producing beautiful illustrations that demystify mental health concepts for the masses. Her Instagram page, @thepsychologymum, has over 100,000 followers, and has proved a welcome balm for those struggling during lockdown (so...pretty much all of us then!). She’s also the author of A Toolkit for Modern Life, which is out now in hardback.

I couldn’t think of a better way to end this season, and I know you’re going to fall in love with Emma like I did. Happy listening – and I’ll see you soon for season four.

Here’s some of what you can expect from the episode:

5:00 The significance of keeping boundaries between your professional and personal identity
9:30 Why we all need to build a mental health toolkit
12:25 ‘Effect anchoring’ - the process of predicting future feelings based on how we already feel – i.e. If we’re feeling lousy we think we’ll always feel lousy – and how we can counteracting it by holding on to ‘pockets of hope’
11:45 The difference between aloneness from choice vs. loneliness when you don’t choose it
18:00 Why getting into the state of ‘flow’ improves your mental health
20:00 Emma shares that doing illustrations is one of her own mental health coping strategies
27:30 ‘We’re never going to reach Happyland – it doesn’t exist.’
30:30 How lockdown has restricted our capacity for human connection
32:30 What causes loneliness in young people?
35:00 How talking about loneliness can make us feel less lonely
42:00 The significance of alone time for Emma – and why it’s a ‘luxury’
45:00 Tips for parents who want to spend more time alone
47:00 How alone time helps Emma dream up her illustrations
48:30 How to know when you need solitude or social time?
51:00 How to gain greater awareness in your life – and why you need a ‘Ta-da’ list

Emma Hepburn’s book, A Toolkit For Modern Life, discussed in this episode, is available to order now.

My book, Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, is available to order on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

Social media

Instagram: @alonementofficial @chezspecter @thepsychologymum

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @@EmmaNeuropsych

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Next Episode

Cheryl Rickman: Loneliness Awareness Week Miniseries

This episode’s guest is Sunday Times bestselling author Cheryl Rickman. Cheryl’s latest book, Navigating Loneliness: How To Connect With Yourself and Others, is an insightful, comprehensive handbook to finding the balance between solitude and loneliness – through cultivating the most meaningful, fulfilling relationships possible with yourself and others.

Cheryl is a woman after my own heart – as you might suspect from the title of her book, her anti-loneliness toolkit is just as much about time alone as it is time with others.

This was such a fascinating and refreshing conversation. Cheryl talks inspirationally about the purpose of reframing loneliness, not as something to be scared of or to stigmatise, but actually as a useful evolutionary signal that points us towards making positive changes in our lives.

Cheryl also shares her personal experience of loneliness – how she learnt to love time alone as an only child, but her relationship with it changed when she lost her mother as a teenager – and she had to develop stronger, more meaningful connections elsewhere.

I’m so grateful for Cheryl’s nuggets of wisdom – and I’m sure you’ll find a lot of practical takeaway in what she has to say. Happy listening!

SOCIALS

You can find Cheryl on Instagram at @wellbeingauthor and Twitter at @writeruk.

As ever, follow Alonement on Instagram @alonementofficial, and follow host Francesca Specter on Twitter @ChezSpecter

You can learn more about the Marmalade Trust and the work they do on Twitter (@marmaladetrust) and Instagram (marmalade_trust)

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.