EP26 - March Un-Madness- Week 1 - Mindful Communication

03/09/20 • 11 min

Alexa Z Meditates - Your Life, But Better

We work hard to develop a meditation and mindfulness practice, but where do you see the benefits playing out? If you don't see benefits, then you won't keep practicing. If you limit your interests to just one thing, then you are missing the magic of the practice. It's ok if you are practicing for symptom relief, but I want more for you. I hope the symptoms pass, but don't ignore the rest of the magic. Each week for the remainder of March, I will pick one topic to deep dive and give you a bit of homework, or shall I say a direction to follow for the week.

In today's episode, I am going to concentrate on a topic that is critical to your relationships, happiness, good decision making, and many other positive aspects of your wellbeing. This giant elephant is called communication. You may think you are already great at it, but I guarantee you can always be better, and you can always use your skills to help others better communicators.

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If over four weeks I can get you to notice four separate things that make a difference in your life, then you will be four weeks closer to you never wanting to miss a day of meditation and mindfulness again!

This morning I met a man who, when he found out I teach meditation he said: "I try to meditate, but after a week I seem to lose my steam, I start feeling calmer, and then I forget to do it." If I had a dollar for every person that said that to me, I would be a millionaire. We started discussing other aspects of life that can change by being more mindful and communication popped into my mind because that was precisely what I found the two of us doing well, talking! We had never met, he spoke, I listened with my full attention and then he spoke and did the same. Sounds pretty mundane right? Well, it isn't. Most people are horrible communicators.

We speak, wanting to be heard and get irritated when we don't think we are being listened to. We think of our response before the other person has even finished their sentence, and eye contact seems to be a thing of the past. TV on behind the person? Phone text going off? Maybe you're slowly even walking away while listening or looking at the clock? You know I am right.

Where does mindfulness come into play? Our meditation strengthens our muscles of focus, awareness, and compassion. Now let's use that muscle to pay attention this week to our actions in the realm of listening.

Listen – I mean really listen. Make a choice right now to listen to someone today. Hell, pick one person or one time. Start small. I don't care.
Be Fully Present– this is a big one. You chose to listen, now commit to the activity. Put all else aside, no mind wandering, no multi-tasking. We want to prove we can do it and see the benefits of what excellent communication can do, and a bonus is that you will get more done because you will probably have only ONE conversation with an actual outcome, and you can move on! Each time you notice your mind wandering, bring your attention to your breath. Just observe your breath for even a second, and you will ground yourself back in the conversation.
Stop Judging- Amid a world of racial bias that appears to be recently exacerbated by the Corona Virus, I think this is super important. How often do you get a call or have an employee walk in, and immediately you think, "oh, not this again or geez this person is clueless? It's not right, right? But we still do it. This week, drop the judgment toward the person you are communicating with AND toward yourself. Just be nice, super-duper, uber generous and nice. That's another added benefit of mindfulness. It makes you a nicer person!
Reacting – Since you are now choosing to listen, be present and not judge, take a little time to notice if you are reacting. Let's go real slow. Significant others wants you to do the dishes because you are pretty darn pig-like and never do the dishes, a fact not judgment. As they are requesting your assistance, notice if you are already reacting in your brain. I worked all day, I am exhausted, and we have a deal, I don't do dishes. STOP, notice you are reacting and really listen. See if you hear something that you haven't heard before. Just chill out and continue with steps one through three. See what happens. Open up and see the conversation with a wide-angle lens!

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

Try this exercise once a day, even if it is when the barista is giving you your coffee.

If you want to try a more formal practice, you can do one that I have learned many times in the corporate world. From 20 years ago to 20 minutes ago, this one is very common but very profound.

Pick someone to practice with and choose a time limit, say 2 minutes.

One person talks (I don't care about what), and the other listens without interrupting, leading the conversation, no questions, no influence: Max – a head nod....

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Listen – I mean really listen. Make a choice right now to listen to someone today. Hell, pick one person or one time. Start small. I don't care.
Be Fully Present– this is a big one. You chose to listen, now commit to the activity. Put all else aside, no mind wandering, no multi-tasking. We want to prove we can do it and see the benefits of what excellent communication can do, and a bonus is that you will get more done because you will probably have only ONE conversation with an actual outcome, and you can move on! Each time you notice your mind wandering, bring your attention to your breath. Just observe your breath for even a second, and you will ground yourself back in the conversation.
Stop Judging- Amid a world of racial bias that appears to be recently exacerbated by the Corona Virus, I think this is super important. How often do you get a call or have an employee walk in, and immediately you think, "oh, not this again or geez this person is clueless? It's not right, right? But we still do it. This week, drop the judgment toward the person you are communicating with AND toward yourself. Just be nice, super-duper, uber generous and nice. That's another added benefit of mindfulness. It makes you a nicer person!
Reacting – Since you are now choosing to listen, be present and not judge, take a little time to notice if you are reacting. Let's go real slow. Significant others wants you to do the dishes because you are pretty darn pig-like and never do the dishes, a fact not judgment. As they are requesting your assistance, notice if you are already reacting in your brain. I worked all day, I am exhausted, and we have a deal, I don't do dishes. STOP, notice you are reacting and really listen. See if you hear something that you haven't heard before. Just chill out and continue with steps one through three. See what happens. Open up and see the conversation with a wide-angle lens!

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

Try this exercise once a day, even if it is when the barista is giving you your coffee.

If you want to try a more formal practice, you can do one that I have learned many times in the corporate world. From 20 years ago to 20 minutes ago, this one is very common but very profound.

Pick someone to practice with and choose a time limit, say 2 minutes.

One person talks (I don't care about what), and the other listens without interrupting, leading the conversation, no questions, no influence: Max – a head nod....

Previous Episode

EP25: ADD and Anxiety in the Youth an Interview with Katie Tolley

In today's episode, we will be discussing a very important topic that is near and dear to me, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and anxiety in our youth. I am lucky enough to have Katie Tolley back on the show. Katie was part of Episode 19: What is Integrative Health? Katie Tolley is part of the team at Turning Point Health Center, which has offices in Annapolis and Columbia, Maryland. She also runs a health and wellness consulting business, KT Consulting. Katie is a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner and child and adolescent mental health specialist. What makes this all even more amazing is that she started learning much more about nutrition and integrative medicine just before her son was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of eight. Get ready for a fascinating and informative discussion with Katie!

Hey there! Welcome to the Alexa Z show! I am so excited to have Katie here today! The topic today is ADD, anxiety in the youth. I am excited but also a little anxious to discuss this topic because my youth was filled with anxiety. Also, many of my clients have children who also suffer from anxiety.

Alexa: Can you explain the difference between ADD and ADHD?

Katie: This topic is so widely talked about, but it is still very misunderstood. I shared an article with some friends yesterday about the aspects of ADD and ADHD and how it affects children. Every day there is another question or another topic that relates to ADD and ADHD in children.

So, to answer your question, on ADD, ADHD, and anxiety, how are they the same and how are they different.

ADD- Attention Deficit Disorder.

ADHD- Attention Deficit Hyper-activity Disorder

Diagnostically, we refer to all as ADHD with or without hyperactivity. The difference can be as simple as whether the child displays hyperactivity or not. When we do not see the outward hyperactivity (fidgeting, doodling, inability to sit still), the child is suppressing/internalizing the hyperactivity. Also, outward hyperactivity can turn into inward anxiety.

Alexa: Even if somebody had ADHD, it doesn't matter. The most important thing is that we are discussing ADD today. So, there are anxieties that are not ADD.

Katie: Absolutely! The everyday life of a modern-day teen can cause anxiety. There is a lot of pressure to get good grades, perform well in sports, perform in extra-curricular activities, get into college, and sometimes to have a job. All of the pressures cause these kids a lot of worries. Screen-time, diet, and sleep also play a huge role in anxiety in our youth. Often, anxiety is misdiagnosed as ADD.

Alexa: As a parent, how do you know that something is going on with your child? How can parents identify there is something serious going on versus regular daily stresses?

Katie: Some kids do just put pressure on themselves. It is normal for a three-year-old not to pay attention and to have difficulty focusing. When the inability to focus or pay attention interferes with daily living, such as the ability to learn, the ability to nourish themselves, the ability to get ready to do an activity, sports, or church, that is when it becomes a serious issue. The symptoms such as fidgeting, inability to focus, or distractability become interferences in the accomplishment of being a successful human being; this is when we enter the diagnostic level.

Alexa: What is the root cause of ADD and anxiety? Where does it come from?

Katie: Do we all have a little bit of ADHD? I say absolutely. Let's use a scale of 1 to 10 to determine our levels of ADHD. Many of us walk around the world at the level of 2 or 3 simply because of screens, jobs, and schedules; it is easy to be distracted because our minds are thinking of multiple things at once. Multitasking is a perfect example of ADHD. You try to go from one thing to another, but you get distracted. Multitasking can be a little difficult.

Alexa: For more on this, listen to my podcast episode on multitasking.

Katie: The root cause can be the inflammatory process

inflammation,
systemic inflammation,
Inflammation from:
different environmental sources,
inflammation caused by
food,
pathogens,
toxins,
metals,
chemicals.

When the inflammation affects the brain, it is called neuroinflammation. When we see symptoms similar to ADHD, anxiety, ADD, we sometimes wonder if it is ADHD, anxiety, ADD, or are these symptoms telling us about something else.

Alexa: What are some components of inflammation? From the standpoint of ADD, what kind of inflammation are we talking about?

Katie: Inflammation in the brain can surface as

hard to concentrate
focused attention
memory issues

It is vital to address neuro-inflammation in our youth because it will lead to disease processes as the...

Next Episode

EP27: March Un-Madness Week 2 - It's 2 am, and Yet Again, I am Wide Awake!

In today's episode, we will explore Mindful Sleep. As we age, our sleep patterns change, and those changes can be downright unpleasant. Even if you're a young buck who sleeps poorly, this episode is for you too! There are a few ways to look at these exhausting annoyances and some mindful methods to improve them. We know meditation can improve sleep, but what happens as we age and how can our meditation practice can help us at 2 am when we were staring at the ceiling trying to solve world peace and figure out if the light really does go out in our refrigerator when we close the door.

Sleep is a critical part of our health. Please don't say, "oh well, I am just getting older. I will just nap more." NO, NO, NO, life is too short to sleep through, and during those waking hours, you want to feel like a spring chicken.

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Hey There, Alexa Z here, and it is week 2 of March Un-Madness! Please remember, as we talk about how fantastic meditation and mindfulness is, if you need help learning and sticking to these practices, I am always here to help. I have a class launching in April. If you are interested, go to www.alexazmeditates.com/help, and I will let you know all about it. Now, let's dig right into the topic of sleep. I will split into three pieces.

What meditation does for sleep.
What happens to our sleep as we age?
What can you do to set yourself up for a better night's rest before, during, and after sleep?

Yes, this means you need to listen until the end to get the tips to use tonight. Sorry, but we must go through one and two to understand three. Don't worry; the podcast is short.

Meditation and Sleep

In episode 6, I talked about all the reasons why sleep is essential and how sleep is the number one way to reduce stress (go ahead back and give it a listen if you missed it). As a quick review, sleep is fantastic, but no one seems to get the right amount and quality of sleep to wash out all the stress, then stress begins to build up. Exercise is fantastic, but it only gets rid of current stress, it tends not to attack all of the past stresses. Meditation, on the other hand, does two amazing things (well many but here are the top ones for today,) it helps get rid of current AND past stress and the practice builds your sleep muscles.

In the perfect world, we would glide through non REM, and REM brain wave sleep like this: Beta – awake and aware, Alpha – gentle bridge to sleep, Theta going deeper into dreamy land and Delta the most restorative waves of all. We need that gentle cycle about every 90 minutes, but that isn't always the case, hence why sometimes you sleep eight hours and wake up still tired!

The Alpha waves are very low in today's crazy world, and meditation helps to strengthen them!

Meditation mimics good sleep. We meditate our way through Beta, Alpha, and Theta, and if that isn't cool enough, try Yoga Nidra and get down into those Delta waves (listen to episode 8 on Nidra or go to my website and try the free one on the home page.)

What Happens as We Age?

Ok, I am the queen of simple, so let's see if I can stay the queen. What most of us find is that as we get older:

Sleep patterns change.
It is harder to fall asleep.
You have to pee more.
Your joints hurt.
Caffeine can have more of an effect on you.
Sleep Apnea
Restless Leg Syndrome
Reflux
And other body issues or illnesses.
You wake up more often because you spend less time in a deep sleep.
Your neurological receptors begin to weaken
These receptors connect with your sleep chemicals, making it harder for your brain to figure out when you are tired and when you are supposed to be awake.

Now at this point, you are probably getting depressed and tired and want to take a nap. But wait, even naps don't feel as good anymore. Plus, the more you nap, the harder it is to get to sleep at night. It becomes a vicious circle.

Another reminder: Meditation helps your health, your brain waves, your pain tolerance, your immune system, your circadian rhythms, etc.

Using Mindfulness to Get You to Sleep

(or perhaps back to sleep!)

As you continue your Meditation practice and keep building those strong brain muscles, shifting around grey and white matter in your brain, lowering your stress levels, etc. What kind of mindfulness can you practice starting tonight at two or three am?

First, start with a better pre-sleep routine. From figuring out your natural sleep cycle to uncluttering your bedroom, to changing up your activities and screen time. You can get a list from my sleep episode freebie at www.alexazmeditates.com/sleep which also includes a meditation to help you get to sleep
Before bed, take a m...