20 THINGS ADOPTION PODCAST with Sherrie Eldridge

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Sometimes, adopted kids see their adoptive moms as an enemy. Does that mean there's something wrong with them? Bad genes? Bad character? A million times, no! Adoptees have been deeply wounded, first through the loss of their first mothers, and second, by being placed into the arms of strangers. Learn four reasons adoptees see their moms like this and what moms can do to gain hope and endurance.

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In this episode, Sherrie invites Tova J. Kreps, licensed social worker and co-founder of Wellspring Counseling, to discuss the complexities of adoption, trauma recovery, and the power of faith in navigating these challenges. Tova shares her inspiring journey, shaped by her upbringing in a missionary family, her personal experience with adoption, and her decades of professional work helping families navigate the complexities of trauma and mental health. Together, they explore the unique challenges adoptive parents face, the importance of setting healthy boundaries, and the profound need for self-care and support in times of crisis.
Tova offers invaluable wisdom on reframing expectations for adoptive families, emphasizing the shift from seeking perfect outcomes to staying faithful and loving amidst the difficulties. She also highlights the transformative power of professional guidance and community connection, as well as the resources available through Wellspring Counseling for trauma recovery and resilience. This episode is a compassionate guide for adoptive families, foster parents, and anyone seeking to understand the intersection of faith, trauma, and healing.
Whether you're an adoptive parent, someone touched by adoption, or a supporter of these journeys, this episode provides hope, encouragement, and practical tools to navigate life’s toughest challenges.

Key Takeaways:

• The Impact of Adoption on Families: Tova shares her personal story of adoption and how it shaped her life and career in social work.
• Trauma and Resilience: Practical insights into trauma recovery for both children and parents, including her innovative "Circle of Truth" model.
• The Role of Boundaries: Why boundaries are crucial for creating security in adoptive families.
• Reframing Success: Moving from outcome-focused parenting to faithfulness-focused parenting.
• The Importance of Support: Encouragement to seek professional help and connect with communities that understand adoption and trauma challenges.
• Self-Care for Parents: Why self-care is essential for maintaining emotional resilience and providing consistent love and guidance.
• Wellspring Counseling Resources: An overview of Wellspring’s trauma recovery programs and opportunities for fast-track family therapy.

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And I'm very excited about this guest that's going to be talking with me during the next segment. It is Susan Tebows, who is the author of, we've Been There, true Stories, surprising Insights, and Aha Moments for Adopted Teens. Susan is a writer, speaker, bible study leader and adoptive mom. And she's got such a heart for adoptees.

I was so taken by that. So fellow adoptees, I know you're gonna really like her insights in this book and in this podcast, she and her husband Mike have three adopted children from Siberia and they live in Grand Rapids, Michigan. She is the co-author of Before You Were Mine, discovering Your Adopted Child's Life Story and now the wonderful book We've been there.

I just think Susan has, after you interview people, and she interviewed 20 adoptees, and I know that God gave her such a heart for understanding them, and so I'm just gonna read a little bit of the letter on the back of her book that she wrote to fellow adoptees. So fellow adoptees, this is for us. Here we go.

If you're a teen with adoption in your story, there are probably a lot of things your friends and family just don't understand, no matter how much they love you. Do you ever wish you had someone to talk to about the good, the bad, and the completely confusing parts of being adopted? Someone who would really get it?

You're not alone In this book, over 30 adopted teens and young adults talk about their feelings, thoughts, and experiences, and unanswered questions. They're secrets. They reveal 'em. You guys. So we've been there. Not only shares what they've learned, but also what they wish someone would've known. So welcome Susan.

Thank you, Sherry. It's so good to be here. And hello from Pier, Michigan. Yeah. So what's the weather like today in Michigan? I'm looking outside and it is, Attempting to get sunny. We went through a long six month winter, so any inch of sun that peaks out, we all run to it. We have a lot of benefits in Michigan, but we have long winters too.

Yeah, ours aren't quite as bad in Indiana and because we had such a light winter, the allergies are horrible this year. So anyway, welcome. Thank you. And how about sharing your story of your family and how you became an adoptive mom? Love to hear that. You know, I get to look back, it was 25 years ago, which seems like yesterday, and you gotta look at my husband and I back then.

And we were such an unlikely couple to even be thinking about this and we, we were professionals. Kind of comfortable. And we were in our early thirties, and I just remember being at my office and saying, I know God has something more for us. And I remember praying about that specifically, and who knew what we were stepping into.

You know, we were growing in our faith. And faith means trust, right? We were learning to trust God. And so at one point there was this, Article in the newspaper in Grand Rapids. It was about Russian adoption and somebody had adopted, and I was like, what? It struck me huge. And then, um, I shared it with my husband.

He goes, I don't know anything about that. Well, long story short, we got on the same page, got opened a lot of doors, and we ended up not adopting just one child, but three children over a period of five years. From Russia. So we went to Russia five times in five years, and that's kinda how we became a family.

That's an amazing story, and it's quite complicated, isn't it, to get a child back from there to bring them home, like you have to travel twice. Yeah, in the first round or so, we only had to travel once. Then Russia continued to change the rules and then as we know today, no one can adapt from a Russia, at least not American

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Bronwen Smith, a mom who adopted from Korea, shares the real-life struggles and joys of adopting internationally. Learn how she and her husband decided to adopt, how they chose the country to adopt from, what it was like to take off in the plane with the knowledge that their son was leaving his entire home behind, and how they juggle joy and peace on a daily basis.

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Hi, my friends. Well, we're going to visit the subject of adoptee birthdays again today. I just recently had one. I'm well into my seventh decade of life, and I look back and I realize that there are so many things that I couldn't say or explain. About adoptee birthdays in my younger years, but I'd just kinda like to share with you the new thoughts that I have about birthdays so that maybe the whole triad adoptees, my fellow adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, can glean some insights so that adoptees can learn to navigate those milestones in a healthy way.
So, anyway, let me just share a memory with you of my last birthday party. I was up in Michigan with my family. All of Bob's brothers were there and their wives, and many of our nieces and nephews were there. And we were sitting out in the backyard in this August afternoon in beautiful Michigan near the lake.
At one moment, one of the nieces came out with a beautiful birthday cake. It was like probably 14 inches around and it had a red candle, one red candle on it. And then I looked around and everybody, all my family was standing in a circle. They had their iPhones up and they were singing happy birthday to you.
And I tell you, it really touched my heart. I felt so incredibly loved by my family. But you know, friends, as I think about that positive experience, I think back to other times when I couldn't receive the love that my family wanted to give me. As you know, I've gone through a healing of memories time a couple years ago, so I am able to receive more than I ever could.
But this was so wonderful, and family, I love you for doing that for me. I really love each one of you so very much. So, today we're going to revisit the subject of adoptee birthdays and realize as I share these thoughts that these are my thoughts. I'm not trying to speak for all adoptees at all. I wouldn't presume to do that, but perhaps if I share my thoughts about what really goes on in an adoptee's brain and mind and body during a birthday year.
Everybody might be able to understand the adoptee better, and of course that's always my passion, is that the adopted child will navigate well through life. So, there's three things that I would like to talk about today. I'll tell you the three and then we'll go into detail. The first one is, birthdays often trigger strong emotions.
That's the first thing. The second one is, birthdays might set up the adoptee for complacencies. And the third one is, birthdays are opportunities for parents, both birth and adoptive, to prepare for the unexpected. You can't plan it, parents. And so, I'll explain that more as we go along. But, I think about my own mom, Aretha was her name.
She was such a good mom and tried so very hard on birthdays to make me feel loved, to make me feel special. I have a picture of her, black and white photo of the table that she sat for me at the picnic table when I was about five years old, sitting with all my friends, all dressed up in pretty dresses and stuff around the picnic table and everybody was having fun, but I was pouting.
Sure, I couldn't have told you at that time what was going on in my mind. I know now that I was very sad. I was missing my birth mother, my first mother, as we say now, beautiful Elizabeth, who was my first mom, who gave me my first home, whose heartbeat became the rhythm for my life, for the dance of adoption.
And I was missing her. I didn't even know about her then, at least in a verbal way. But of course I did, because I grew in her womb. We will always be a part of our first family, and we love them very much. I wish that, as many of you know, the reunion that I had with Elizabeth ended in rejection of her to me.
I wish that could have go

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