The Trauma Wound of Adoptive and Foster Moms

09/08/22 • 16 min

20 THINGS ADOPTION PODCAST with Sherrie Eldridge

Not only must adoptive and foster moms understand the depth of their child’s pre-adoption pain, but also their own trauma wound. “What wound?” they may say. “My child is the one with the deep wound, not me. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Adoptive moms may be offended or defensive when told they have a trauma wound. Adoptive mom says—I think many people can experience defensiveness or protectiveness about our woundedness. To be comfortable disclosing ourselves authentically requires safety. Safe people are hard to find. Additionally, we may be conscious of the adoption “label” that can be put on our kids, in that adoption can sometimes erroneously be viewed as the root of the problem, when in reality, it may be something far different. Disclosing our wound requires some level of risk and discernment before taking that risk. Otherwise, there is a chance of being hurt more by insensitive comments, judgment, and/or blame. It’s not easy to navigate the path of transparency, especially if you’re already limping along. Who needs to have their good leg shot out from underneath?”

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Adopted Kids May See Adoptive Mom As An Enemy

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Sometimes, adopted kids see their adoptive moms as an enemy. Does that mean there's something wrong with them? Bad genes? Bad character? A million times, no! Adoptees have been deeply wounded, first through the loss of their first mothers, and second, by being placed into the arms of strangers. Learn four reasons adoptees see their moms like this and what moms can do to gain hope and endurance.

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One Mom's Story about Adopting Internationally

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Bronwen Smith, a mom who adopted from Korea, shares the real-life struggles and joys of adopting internationally. Learn how she and her husband decided to adopt, how they chose the country to adopt from, what it was like to take off in the plane with the knowledge that their son was leaving his entire home behind, and how they juggle joy and peace on a daily basis.

20 THINGS ADOPTION PODCAST with Sherrie Eldridge - The Trauma Wound of Adoptive and Foster Moms

Transcript

Not only must you understand the depth of your child’s wound, but also your own. “What wound?” you may say. “My child is the one with the deep wound, not me. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Adoptive moms may be offended or defensive about this topic:
Adoptive mom, Barb Butz,says, “I think many people can experience defensiveness or protectiveness about our woundedness. To be comfortable disclosing ourselves authentically requires safety. Safe people