S2 Patreon Bonus Episode 2: Katarina – 2000-2002

This was originally a Patreon-exclusive bonus episode, which spans 2000-2002, time covered from season 1 episode 9 until after the season 1 epilogue.

*** CONTENT WARNING*** This episodes features strong language and references to abuse and self harm.

Kat - later known as Ina - writes LiveJournal posts before, during and after her relationship with Johnno.

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Transcript below.

Cast:

KAT - Janis Westin (she/her) [email protected]

NARRATOR - Emma Laslett (she/they) https://twitter.com/Waruce

Written, produced and directed by Karin Heimdahl (she/her).

Intro and outro music is created and recorded by Jake Haws, check out his podcast Making Music with Jake Haws to hear more.

For more information please visit y2kpod.com. You can also find us on twitter, instagram and facebook @Y2Kpod,or e-mail us at [email protected]

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Blue fireworks image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay (https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301).

℗ 2021 Karin Heimdahl

______________________

TRANSCRIPT

Scene B2:0

NARRATOR

Please note that this episodes features strong language and references to abuse and self harm.

(INTRO MUSIC)

NARRATOR

Y2K Take 2. Bonus episode 2. Selected LiveJournal entries written by Katarina Fischer from 2000 to 2002.

Scene B2:1

NARRATOR

February, 2000.

(Typing on 00s laptop, fades out after about two words)

KATARINA

I keep thinking about J. It is rare for me to be so attracted to someone. And yet a relationship between us would not be a good idea. He would try to dominate and I would alternate between stubbornly dominating back and sulkily surrendering. We’d have huge, unpleasant arguments and I’d end up witha crushed sense of self-worth. Not good. (sighs) He really is a lovely generous person but his ego is enormous.

(‘enter’ key sound)

Scene B2:2

NARRATOR

March, 2000.

(Typing on 00s laptop, fades out after about two words)

KATARINA

...and then he said something patronizing and condescending and I left rather than snapping. On the bus on the way home I thought about what kind of person he is. He is intelligent, generous, social and popular... But he’s also self-centered, and he has no social antennae. Doesn’t pay enough attention to other people to develop any. And it really bothers me that he keeps saying I’m so... bad. I don’t quite know what he is picking up on, but it’s not a response I’ve had before. (beat) I stand up to him. Maybe he’s not used to that. (thinks) And he puts down my taste in music and plays and everything. Proclaiming his taste superior in every way. He is so annoying!

(‘enter’ key sound)

Scene B2:3

NARRATOR

July, 2000.

(Typing on 00s laptop, fades out after about two words)

KATARINA

(has cried for days and has no tears left) Oh fuck. I can’t... I can’t write about this. I mean, what would I say? It happened. It is over. The dream is in pieces, shattered all over the floor. Can I pick the pieces up and put them back together? (beat) I don’t know. Feel like I’ll never be whole again. (beat) J is... He tries. And I’m sure he mourns, too, in his way. But still. It’s like the grief is all mine, it was my body that failed, and I... I want to punish it. I want to punish my useless body and I don’t know how. Everyone keeps telling me to eat, and rest, and take care of myself... I don’t want to do any of that. I don’t *deserve* any of that. My body failed me, failed my (voice breaks) child, and I hate it.

(‘enter’ key sound)

Scene B2:4

NARRATOR

August, 2000.

(Typing on 00s laptop, fades out after about two words)

KATARINA

I always used to say if anyone ever uses physical violence against me, I am gone. Leaving. I cannot let anyone do that to me. Ever. I wanted to hold onto that, but... (long pause) Then it got all muddled. He’s promised never to do it again. And I hit him, too, a while back. Didn’t mean to, of course. But the fact remains. I did hit him. (beat) And he forgave me. So ...