A Legacy for Womankind Beyond Motherhood with Jeanne Safer
Explicit content warning
09/25/22 • 63 min
Psychotherapist Jeanne Safer, author of the 1996 book Beyond Motherhood on why not all women are destined to become mothers—and that's okay. In the episode we discuss:
-Anticipating—and fearing—our parents’ responses to us writing on this subject
-The value in accepting the cold, hard facts, for healing family dysfunction
-Why being a “woman without kids” is still seen as so taboo – and the internal questions that can arise as a result
-The liberation that results from staying true to what is right for you
-How attitudes have changed in the 25+ years since Jeanne’s book was published
-Working through the shame of feeling insufficiently “loving” as a non-mother
-The traits that equip a person for the “psychological vocation” of motherhood
-Why there is no life without regrets – no matter what path we choose
-Using the climate as an “excuse” for not having kids
-How the IVF industry plays to women’s fears that they will regret not having kids
-Grieving not becoming a mother – no matter how you feel about not having kids
-Why “mothering” is not inherently “feminine” and why it’s okay not to feel a maternal instinct
You can learn more about Jeanne Safer, and her book Beyond Motherhood HERE. You can also read her follow-up essay in Meghan Daum's anthology, Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed: 16 Writers on the Decision Not to Have kids.
You can pre-order your copy of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood HERE.
Psychotherapist Jeanne Safer, author of the 1996 book Beyond Motherhood on why not all women are destined to become mothers—and that's okay. In the episode we discuss:
-Anticipating—and fearing—our parents’ responses to us writing on this subject
-The value in accepting the cold, hard facts, for healing family dysfunction
-Why being a “woman without kids” is still seen as so taboo – and the internal questions that can arise as a result
-The liberation that results from staying true to what is right for you
-How attitudes have changed in the 25+ years since Jeanne’s book was published
-Working through the shame of feeling insufficiently “loving” as a non-mother
-The traits that equip a person for the “psychological vocation” of motherhood
-Why there is no life without regrets – no matter what path we choose
-Using the climate as an “excuse” for not having kids
-How the IVF industry plays to women’s fears that they will regret not having kids
-Grieving not becoming a mother – no matter how you feel about not having kids
-Why “mothering” is not inherently “feminine” and why it’s okay not to feel a maternal instinct
You can learn more about Jeanne Safer, and her book Beyond Motherhood HERE. You can also read her follow-up essay in Meghan Daum's anthology, Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed: 16 Writers on the Decision Not to Have kids.
You can pre-order your copy of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood HERE.
Previous Episode
Beyond the Non-Mom Binary with Jody Day
Gateway Women founder Jody Day on the false divide that separates 'childless' women who can't have kids, from 'childfree' women who don't want to be mothers. In the episode we discuss:
-The roots of the false binary that divides the ones who “can’t have kids” and the ones who “don’t want kids”
-The role of pronatalism in this divide, which is the ideology that says that parents are more important than non-parents
-The concept of being “childless by circumstance” – versus being childless by choice or due to infertility
-How Jody came up with the word “NoMo” (from not-mother) to describe any and all women without kids
-The “disenfranchised grief” of childlessness – and grief, like love, being a process of identity transformation
-The role of empathy and consciousness raising in overcoming judgement, stigma, and shame
-How women without kids from across the spectrum of non-motherhood can come together and support each other
-The primal roots of our fear and loathing of women without kids, and how this plays out in society today
-Why the notion that we need more new people to support the aging population is an example of ageism – and why the solution lies in changes to current economic policies
-Why the “othering” of women without kids is linked to all other forms of prejudice under white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchy
-Jody’s “Conscious Childless Elderwoman”project
Learn more about Gateway Women HERE and follow Jody on Instagram @gatewaywomen.
Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood is out March 2023. Pre-order your copy HERE.
Next Episode
The Women Who Regret Having Kids with Orna Donath
Sociologist Orna Donath, author of the book Regretting Motherhood, on the roots and the impact on women of society's greatest taboo. In the episode we discuss:
-Why the subject of “regretting motherhood” is so taboo – and why it is so hard for women to express their regret about having kids
-The “feeling rules” about motherhood, which only permit us to feel a certain way about it
-Why loving one’s children and loving being a mom are not the same thing
-Why there is no country or society where femininity is not synonymous with motherhood
-The importance of acknowledging the diversity among women and all female identifying individuals when it comes to our gifts, our limitations, and our desires for our lives
-Why maternal regret is often hidden by complaints about the material difficulties of the role
-The damage done to children when women are pushed into motherhood against their will
-Why being honest about how things really are – no matter how painful – creates a culture of trust and helps people feel more secure
-Why telling women they will regret not having kids is a “political use of emotion”
-Insights from Orna’s new study, which looks at the lives of older women without kids
-Why people – especially women - who chose to live alone are also subject to stigma concerning their life choices
Get your copy of Regretting Motherhood by Orna Donath HERE.
You can also pre-order your copy of Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood HERE.
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