Ask Amy: The Kids Make Me Nuts While I'm Driving!

02/28/22 • 5 min

1 Listener

What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

Does your kids' chatter in the back seat work your last nerve? You may identify with this week's question:

I feel like your wisdom could help me with the dreaded evening commute. I have a job that requires me to be on. And at the end of the day, I really need a moment of silence to re-become normal. Trouble is, the kid pickup and drive home is on me. And at the exact moment I need to hear myself think, my kids have had to shut up all day at school and have not gotten the chance to tell all of the stories. Our needs at that moment are total opposites.

There's a couple things I can't do anything about, like my work schedule. I'm leaving at five when it will truly take us about half an hour to get home. No, my husband can't do the pickup.

I have tried a couple of things. "Today I brought you each a book and you'll just read no talking." That works pretty well. Or "Let's listen to this cool family podcast I found today." But given that my kids also have equally valid needs, I feel like it's not fair to make all five weekday commutes free of the endless kid stories just to accommodate me. Do you have any ideas, suggestions? I'm all ears.

Everyone needs to decompress at the end of a long day– it's just that, as this listener points out, her kids' form of decompression requires more attention than anyone should have to give as to who sat where at circle time.

Amy suggests adding rituals at other times of the day that will both give the kids chances to share and that will give this mom time to center. Making room for both things is worth it.

StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does your kids' chatter in the back seat work your last nerve? You may identify with this week's question:

There's a couple things I can't do anything about, like my work schedule. I'm leaving at five when it will truly take us about half an hour to get home. No, my husband can't do the pickup.

Amy suggests adding rituals at other times of the day that will both give the kids chances to share and that will give this mom time to center. Making room for both things is worth it.

StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Previous Episode

Fresh Take: Taylor Harris on Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown

Taylor Harris is a writer and mom of three living in Pennsylvania. Her first book, THIS BOY WE MADE: A Memoir of Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown, is the story of A Black mother bumping up against the limits of everything she thought she believed—about science and medicine, about motherhood, and about her faith—in search of the truth about her son.

Taylor says her memoir is "about a day where Motherhood divided into Before and After." In this episode we hear about the particulars of Taylor's continuing journey to find answers for her child, and how we can all find in that story our own feelings of fear and uncertainty as parents.

Find This Boy We Made in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781948226844

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

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Next Episode

Being "Safe Spaces" For Our Kids

We know we have to be our kids’ soft place to fall. We understand why they absolutely fall apart after a long day at school. But does it really have to be Mom who always gets the worst of it?

Our listener Michelle wrote in to say:

I have been pondering something I call the "Safe Space Paradox,” or why children behave so differently around their primary caregiver. I am repeatedly told by grandparents, teachers, my husband, that my children were "perfect angels" for them. And yet the minute I open the door it is a cue for my children to resume the whining, fighting, and crying.

I understand this is because of the deep emotional connection children form with their primary caregiver. But is there any research on ways to actually improve this? Or that I can actually enjoy this precious side of my children?

In this episode, we discuss

why kids really do save their worst behavior for us (and why we're part of the reason that can happen)
how hard it can be to feel like the dirty hand towel for everyone's bad feelings
strategies that work (a little) to help out-of-control kids contain their large feelings

For more on "after school restraint collapse," check out our episode "Why 5 to 8 p.m. Is The Worst: How To Handle the After-School Crankies"

Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

Lauren Cahn for Reader's Digest: Here’s Why Kids Behave So Much Worse Around Their Parents

Fern Weis for Motherly: The real reason your kids act worse for you than anyone else—and how to help

Beth Shaw for Psychology Today: When Trauma Gets Stuck in the Body

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.

Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!

Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription.

Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.

KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.

Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.

Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.

Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off...