54. Fulbert's Henchmen Attack Peter Abelard, Paris, France 1117

Explicit content warning

12/29/21 • 61 min

One night, in Paris, thugs broke into the room of Peter Abelard, renowned theologian and philosopher, and beloved teacher, and castrated him. Because Fulbert, the uncle of Heloise, was REALLY annoyed that Abelard and Heloise were keeping their marriage secret. Which they had entered into so that Fulbert wouldn't be so upset about the affair that they had been having. Also their son, Astrolabe, or, as Anne likes to think of him, Global Positioning System. Fulbert just had no moderation. Abelard went off to be a monk for while and then wander around, Heloise went off to run a nunnery, they both wrote lots of letters, and Astrolabe (after being raised by Abelard's sister Denise) grew up to work in at least two churches. And then later Abelard and Heloise became very famous as tragic lovers. And you can go and leave letters on their supposed grave in Paris, asking them for help with your love affairs, though really that doesn't seem like a great idea, given all that bad luck they had, and also they probably aren't there. The end.

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53. St. Brice's Day Massacre, England November 13, 1002

King Æthelred of England really did not have the wherewithal to successfully deal with the Danish/English tension that he had inherited with the throne, which had been caused by Viking raids for about 100 years, notably established by what the English called The Great Heathen Army, which took over much of England. Oh, too bad. One solution, he thought, was to kill off all the Danes in England. This did not work. For one thing, the Danes did not in fact get killed off, though the English did kill some of them -- notably in Oxford, where they burnt the church down with Danish settlers gathered inside. For another thing, the Vikings invaded again, not long after the Massacre. The throne of England went back and forth between the English and Danes, after that, for some decades, until, in 1066, the Normans would invade and take everything over, establishing a NEW Viking dynasty, one which spoke French. And liked to write history.

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55. Winter Shenanigans (Lords of Misrule), Europe 500-1600

It's important, in the middle of the winter, to take part in raucous activities, and there were lots in medieval Europe. Boys being bishops, men and women switching clothes, parishioners gambling in the churches, and, unsurprisingly, most everybody drinking. Lots. Besides giving you the history, Anne explains a Christmas Celebration Gone Terribly Wrong, and Michelle tells you about that time that the Tudors used the Christmas celebrations as a prelude to an execution. Tacky.