Growing Up with Gay Parents
03/25/13 • -1 min
This week, the Supreme Court will hear two cases on same-sex marriage: Hollingsworth v. Perry, the case will determine the constitutionality of California's Proposition 8, and United States v. Windsor, the case that will decide the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act, also known as DOMA.
Over the last decade, in the midst of public legislative and court battles over same-sex marriage, many gay and lesbian couples have privately decided to start families. According to the 2010 census, the number of same-sex couples raising children more than doubled over the past ten years, from eight percent in 2000 to 19 percent in 2010.
Sarah Gogin is a 24-year-old senior staff associate in San Francisco. Sarah's fathers adopted her in 1988, one of the first gay adoptions in California.
As a trailblazer, Sarah recalls some hardship growing up with gay parents. "As I got into grammar school, I didn't understand why people would be treating us differently," she says. "You hear things on the playground," she continues, "they throw out these words...sometime without even knowing what it means."
Sixteen-year-old Malina Simhard-Halm also experienced bullying when she moved with her fathers from Los Angeles to Santa Fe in the fourth grade. "I was just different," she says, "but it felt like I was the subject of a lot of bullying and my parents were also being discriminated against."
"On a school level," she says, "yes, I was a different kid. I had two gay dads. But, on a political level, too, my parents were still...unable to do certain things and to obtain certain rights."
Unlike Sarah and Malina, Kevin Gibson Weinberger, a 13-year-old who lives with his fathers in Los Angeles, has grown up as one of many kids with same-sex parents.
"More kids in my school have two dads or two moms," Kevin says. "Families are more diverse nowadays, so I don't really feel left out."
"I don't really get bullied at school at all; I don't recall being bullied at all," Kevin says. "But I feel like...the government is bullying my parents by not letting them have rights that they should have."
Kevin continues. "I get all these rights — well, not as many as adults, but I get rights, and when I'm older, I get rights to marry, and I feel like they should have rights to marry also."
Sarah is amazed by the school environment Kevin describes. "Times have changed," she says, "and it's incredible to hear."
"It's crazy and great to see kids so young, starting so young, really standing up for their beliefs and standing up for their families."
As for the cases before the court, Malina feels that her generation is part of a civil rights movement for LGBT rights. "I definitely want to be a part of the huge wave...that has picked up in the past few years." Malina and Sarah are members of Outspoken Generation, a group for children with LGBT parents, and Malina is proud that the organization wrote testimony for an amicus brief filed by the Family Equality Council.
If Proposition 8 and DOMA are upheld, Malina, Kevin and Sarah note that while they would be disappointed, they'd nevertheless remain confident in their families.
"If we lose," Kevin says, "my family is no less of a family than we were before. If gay marriage is approved, and my parents do get married, we're no less of a family and no more of a family."
This week, the Supreme Court will hear two cases on same-sex marriage: Hollingsworth v. Perry, the case will determine the constitutionality of California's Proposition 8, and United States v. Windsor, the case that will decide the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act, also known as DOMA.
Over the last decade, in the midst of public legislative and court battles over same-sex marriage, many gay and lesbian couples have privately decided to start families. According to the 2010 census, the number of same-sex couples raising children more than doubled over the past ten years, from eight percent in 2000 to 19 percent in 2010.
Sarah Gogin is a 24-year-old senior staff associate in San Francisco. Sarah's fathers adopted her in 1988, one of the first gay adoptions in California.
As a trailblazer, Sarah recalls some hardship growing up with gay parents. "As I got into grammar school, I didn't understand why people would be treating us differently," she says. "You hear things on the playground," she continues, "they throw out these words...sometime without even knowing what it means."
Sixteen-year-old Malina Simhard-Halm also experienced bullying when she moved with her fathers from Los Angeles to Santa Fe in the fourth grade. "I was just different," she says, "but it felt like I was the subject of a lot of bullying and my parents were also being discriminated against."
"On a school level," she says, "yes, I was a different kid. I had two gay dads. But, on a political level, too, my parents were still...unable to do certain things and to obtain certain rights."
Unlike Sarah and Malina, Kevin Gibson Weinberger, a 13-year-old who lives with his fathers in Los Angeles, has grown up as one of many kids with same-sex parents.
"More kids in my school have two dads or two moms," Kevin says. "Families are more diverse nowadays, so I don't really feel left out."
"I don't really get bullied at school at all; I don't recall being bullied at all," Kevin says. "But I feel like...the government is bullying my parents by not letting them have rights that they should have."
Kevin continues. "I get all these rights — well, not as many as adults, but I get rights, and when I'm older, I get rights to marry, and I feel like they should have rights to marry also."
Sarah is amazed by the school environment Kevin describes. "Times have changed," she says, "and it's incredible to hear."
"It's crazy and great to see kids so young, starting so young, really standing up for their beliefs and standing up for their families."
As for the cases before the court, Malina feels that her generation is part of a civil rights movement for LGBT rights. "I definitely want to be a part of the huge wave...that has picked up in the past few years." Malina and Sarah are members of Outspoken Generation, a group for children with LGBT parents, and Malina is proud that the organization wrote testimony for an amicus brief filed by the Family Equality Council.
If Proposition 8 and DOMA are upheld, Malina, Kevin and Sarah note that while they would be disappointed, they'd nevertheless remain confident in their families.
"If we lose," Kevin says, "my family is no less of a family than we were before. If gay marriage is approved, and my parents do get married, we're no less of a family and no more of a family."
Previous Episode
When Fathers Anchor The Home, They Don't Have It All Either
Due in large part to the release of Facebook chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg's new book "Lean In," for the first time in a long time there is a robust discussion about how to recruit and keep more women in leadership positions being had on a large scale. Underscoring these discussions is the issue of how children and work-life balance impede the advancement of women in the workplace.
Mike Winerip writes and anchors the Booming blog for The New York Times. He says that his experiences have lead him to believe that this isn't a gender issue. He was on the fast track to becoming a top editor at The New York Times when he made the unconventional decision to lean out and anchor the home while his wife worked as the breadwinner. He continued to work as a journalist but did so from home and turned down advancements in his career to accommodate running a busy house, a sacrifice made more often by women than by men.
Winerip’s experiences have lead him to believe that the blessing of children is also a major career limitation, regardless of your gender, and rightfully so. He doesn't believe that family-friendly workplace changes will reduce the burden on parents or catapult women to high-powered positions because the nature of high-powered work is just not friendly.
"Sometimes you think you have it, sometimes you think you're on top of it," says Winerip of his experiences balancing work life and home life. "You write a great story or a good story and you can still do the kids ball game you can coach and it all falls into place. And then there's an emergency the next day or a kid throws up and you're on the verge of falling apart."
"Our generation — I'm a baby boomer — we're the first ones who've done this. Some of it is a luxury. It's very, very hard but it's about having had the educational opportunities, having an economy that was mostly expanding, having all kinds of professional opportunities. And more opportunities can bring more challenges."
The Takeaway recently partnered with YouGov for a survey on work-life balance. Here are a few of the results:
Do Americans care more about making money or raising a family? | Create infographics Whos treated better at your job? | InfographicsAll figures, unless otherwise stated, are from YouGov Plc. Total sample size was 2132 adults. Fieldwork was undertaken between 19th - 21st March 2013. The survey was carried out online. The figures have been weighted and are representative of all US adults (aged 18+). You can view the full results of the survey here.
Next Episode
Same-Sex Marriage Goes to the Supreme Court
Today the Supreme Court hears the first of two cases on the constitutionality of gay marriage.
The first case is Hollingsworth v. Perry, a challenge to California’s Proposition 8, the voter-approved, state constitutional amendment that banned same-sex marriage back in 2008. On Wednesday, the nation's highest court will hear United States v. Windsor, the case that will determine the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (also known as DOMA), signed into law by President Clinton in 1996.
Kenji Yoshino, professor of constitutional law at New York University School of Law, explains that there are a few potential outcomes if the Supreme Court decides to strike down Proposition 8. The Court could decide that all state bans on same-sex marriage are unconstitutional but, Yoshino says, that seems unlikely.
"I think that the Supreme Court will rule for the plaintiffs, but on...intermediate grounds," Yoshino says. In other words, Yoshino believes that the Court is more likely to rule one of three ways:
That the defendants do not have standing to bring the case, which would kick the case back to the district level and allow the district ruling (in which Judge Vaughn Walker ruled for the California plaintiffs) to stand.
That it was unconstitutional for California to grant a right (the state Supreme Court approved gay marriage in May 2008), then take it away (via the Proposition 8).
That the nine states that allow same-sex domestic partnerships or civil unions must allow gay marriage (in addition the the nine states that already do allow gay marriage.
Yoshino predicts the Supreme Court will strike down the Defense of Marriage Act. "The reason that [DOMA] is more vulnerable than Proposition 8," Yoshino says, "is because marriage has traditionally been an issue of state law, rather than federal law. So the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act is really a usurpation of the traditional relationship between the federal and state governments on the side of the federal government."
Yoshino points out that the Federal government under President Obama has taken a complicated approach to the Defense of Marriage Act: "They are enforcing [DOMA] but they are refusing to defend it. And I want to make clear, that this is very rare but it is not unprecedented."
Because the federal government has refused to defend it, House Republicans led by John Boehner have stepped in to do just that. "Obama is not saying that the Supreme Court shouldn’t decide this case, he’s just saying that he wouldn't defend it. And in fact Chief Roberts himself declined to defend in an affirmative action case and so this is something that occurs on both sides of the aisle."
Listen to audio from today's same-sex marriage hearings at the Supreme Court
Our Washington correspondent, Todd Zwillich, is filling in as host all this week. Follow Todd on Twitter for the latest from Capitol Hill.
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