267 SelfWork: Am I Expecting Too Much? Being Demanding? Or Am I Setting A Boundary?

01/28/22 • 26 min

2 Listeners

Today we're going to talk about the fairly sticky subject of the difference between expectations, demand, and setting boundaries. What do you do when you feel disappointed by others? Do you isolate or judge? Do you get mad or sulk? Could it be that your very expectations are the problem? Is it different to voice your expectations than it is to secretly have them? Or is that playing a game that the other person doesn’t know you’re playing? And how do boundaries fit in here? We'll ask lots of questions and hopefully reach some answers today on SelfWork.

The listener email for today is from a young 21 year-old who feels tremendous loyalty to her family and feels “needed” by them. But she also feels very stuck and admits she can hold onto a victim mentality. She’s dealing with enmeshment it sounds like.. and She’s asking how she can take baby steps to start living more independently... Wonderful question and I’ll do my best to give her some ideas. What would you say?

So, in this episode sponsored by the fantastic Athletic Greens, please, sit back and relax... let’s focus on expectations, demands, and boundaries.

Important Links:

Here's the link once again to my new interactive podcast on Fireside Chat! Click here!

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus pr oduct with your subscription!

Episode 168 on setting boundaries

Episode 148 on conditional love

You can hear more relationship advice and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhere and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And here's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com
* Check out Midi Health: https://trymidi.com/selfwork
Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

So, in this episode sponsored by the fantastic Athletic Greens, please, sit back and relax... let’s focus on expectations, demands, and boundaries.

Important Links:

Here's the link once again to my new interactive podcast on Fireside Chat! Click here!

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus pr oduct with your subscription!

Episode 168 on setting boundaries

Episode 148 on conditional love

Previous Episode

266 SelfWork: Working With Your Obsessions and Compulsions: A Conversation with Kimberley Quinlan

We have a huge treat for you today, and her name is Kimberly Quinlan. She specializes in anxiety disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, eating disorders, and body focused, repetitive behaviors.. She also provides one-on-one treatment, and offers free online courses at the school she founded, The CBT School. . And I really recommend that any of you who struggle listen to her podcast, Your Anxiety Toolkit. But today, I'm interviewing her about her new book, The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD: Lean Into Your Fear, Manage Difficult Emotions and Focus on Recovery.

I read it cover to cover, and have already recommended it to a client of my own who struggles with OCD. I know you'll love how Kimberly approaches treatment, She stresses that self-compassion is vital due to the frequent presence of intense self-loathing in OCD.

So in this episode, once again sponsored by the great folks at BetterHelp, let's hear the wisdom of Kimberley Quinlan.

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Next Episode

YGTG (You Get the Gist): A Thought After Cheslie Kryst's Suicide - The Need to Redefine Strength and Success

On this YGTG for this week, please know that we offer a trigger warning; I'm going to talk about the recent suicide of Cheslie Kryst.

On the 30^th of January, a young woman threw herself off the balcony of a New York high rise and died. She was Cheslie Kryst, who'd made history as the oldest Miss USA at the age of 28. She was highly successful, extremely driven, and desperately afraid of getting older as if when she turned 30, her time for accomplishment would disappear.

People who were trying to cope with her death said, "Don't forget to check on the strong people." That's a great first step. But there's another, even more important step. First, be vulnerable yourself. Invite those strong people to do the same. And do it more than once. Do it often. And maybe, just maybe, one day they’ll say, “You know, I’m actually terrified to let anyone know what goes on in my head.” Check on strong people. Yes. But help them – and the world – begin redefining what “strong” is. You begin defining what strong is. That’s what will help the Cheslie’s of the world.

I offer my compassion to all who knew and loved her.