259 SelfWork: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

11/19/21 • 28 min

1 Listener

In today’s episode, sponsored by Athletic Greens, I want to talk about borderline personality disorder, but in a different way than I have before on SelfWork. I’ve mostly written about what it’s like to try to love someone with a serious personality disorder, like narcissism or borderline personality disorders. But today, I want to talk about what it’s like to have borderline traits – and the fears and struggles that come with it. I"ll use two women's stories from my own practice and the work of Rosie Cappuccino, author of Talking About BPD. We'll touch on the differences between borderline and bipolar disorders, and also discuss how the diagnosis of borderline can bring with it judgment from not only the general public, but from the mental health profession.

The listener voicemail for today comes from a woman who describes that she has a wonderful life – and that she’s troubled or haunted or saddened or feels guilty (that’s a little unclear) for not loving her mother. And frankly, not even liking her. We’ll talk about her question – and I’ll try to answer as best I can.

Important Links:

Rosie Cappucino's book on having borderline issues.

Rosie Cappucino's blog excerpt/ Talking About BPD

List of BPD traits from the Mayo Clinic

Episode 086 of SelfWork on loving someone with BPD

SelfWork Episode on nine ways to effectively communicate with someone with BPD

Difference between bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder

HuffPost article by Dr. Jay Watts

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com
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Important Links:

Rosie Cappucino's book on having borderline issues.

Rosie Cappucino's blog excerpt/ Talking About BPD

List of BPD traits from the Mayo Clinic

Episode 086 of SelfWork on loving someone with BPD

SelfWork Episode on nine ways to effectively communicate with someone with BPD

Difference between bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder

HuffPost article by Dr. Jay Watts

Previous Episode

258 SelfWork: Fear of Failure, Negative Forecasting, Depression and Maladaptive Daydreaming: Your Questions My Answers

Today’s SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp, is all about answering your questions. We’re going to talk about everything from fear of failure (I'll talk about navigating my own failures) to negative forecasting (aka "catastrophizing" (to identifying depression when it’s been all you can remember to what’s termed maladaptive daydreaming. I learn a lot when I research your questions and this episode is full of our learning together.

Just yesterday I went to a play called Tiny Beautiful Things – a story about a woman named Sugar who writes an advice column. She mostly uses her own life, which had been hard, as the basis for her answers. I was reminded by how much trust you demonstrate in me to ask me a question. And I’m honored more than you know.

Important Links:

Here's the link once again to my new interactive podcast on Fireside Chat! Click here!

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Next Episode

SelfWork YGTG: A Special Request from Dr. Margaret

I have a request to make – and I fully realize how difficult it might be for some of you to consider this. So my request is made very respectfully..

I am writing a second book about the potential dangers of destructive perfectionism, of suppressed emotional pain, of hidden depression – and at its worst and most cruel, how those secrets and despair can lead someone to take their life - leaving others behind to wonder what was so intolerable. And how they didn’t have a clue that anything was wrong. I’m reaching out to you who may have loved someone who died by suicide – and their life looked not only perfectly normal, but even highly successful.

.What I’m asking, for any of you who feel able and ready, is to email me with the stories of your loved ones who died by suicide. Most suicides are shocking of course, although some may occur in the midst of chronic and deepening depression, an illness that feels intolerable or a huge loss of some kind. Those are important stories, but aren’t the ones I would like to feature in the book. The stories that will help this book come alive are the stories of your son or your daughter, your friend or your spouse, your mom or your dad – who killed themselves in the midst of what looked like a very successful and happy life.

If you’re interested or can see your way through to do this, my email is [email protected]. Please put “book” in the subject line so I’ll be alerted immediately what it’s about.

I thank you ahead of time. And again, am asking with all due respect, knowing that a conversation with me might bring up pain for you. But hopefully, it might also bring a sense of meaning. Maybe your story and your loved ones’ story could help someone else.