Episode 63: Ken Mossman - Big Boys Cry

02/24/21 • 47 min

I met Ken almost a decade ago and felt an instant kinship with him.
In addition to being a masterful coach, I admire his capacity as a human being to hold complexity and emotion, as well as his great dedication to working with Men toward greater emotional fluency.

After the events at the Capitol on January 6th, I reached out to Ken seeking comfort and a deeper understanding of what I was witnessing. I felt helpless, triggered, and overwhelmed by the series of events that had unfolded that day and how we got there.

Throughout this episode, I was mightily triggered. I’m grateful for Ken’s steady and compassionate response as we explored the underpinnings of what happened that day and what we can do to start to be part of the change we want to see in the world for the men in our country and our sons.

Ken Mossman has specialized in working with men for almost two decades. With an international clientele from a wide variety of industries from finance, academia, and technology – to entrepreneurship and the arts, Ken’s focus is on helping men expand their emotional literacy, fluency, and flexibility so they can lead with presence and empathy.
Ken is a Senior Faculty Member with CTI, the Co-Active Training Institute. In addition to his coaching and training work, he writes regularly, hosts the “Mojo for the Modern Man” podcast, and designs and leads intensive, deep programs for men.

Show Notes:

On January 6th, 2021, Ken's sister contacted him about the siege at the Capitol and the unfolding violence. Ken's reaction to what he saw on the news felt like a “gut punch" and included tension in his neck and jaw along with a sense of “there’s no surprise here” while simultaneously feeling the shock of what was happening.
The roots of the events have a larger cultural context that we seem to be in denial about.
"We are a nation of good and decent people” seems to be the refrain heard over and over again. Still, the truth is that our nation was built on wobbly legs of genocide, slavery, colonization, and brutality.
Many of the images we saw that day are emblematic of toxic white male privilege and gross characterizations of “The Man Box” in cosplay.
A population fed on a steady diet of misinformation and a toxic model of white male privilege and feelings of anger and invisibility created the Capitol events that day.
One of the Trump administration hallmarks was this idea of “the enemy,” and his language and energy were often about "us or them.”
Rage is a culmination of unexpressed anger, hopelessness, and invisibility.
Many men in our country lack the relational and communication skills needed to break out of the “man box.”
When it comes to raising our children, we need to be mindful of our internal dialog and catch ourselves as parents when we find ourselves triggered by our own unresolved “stuff.”
We need to ask ourselves if we are modeling healthy behavior for our children regarding the full range of human emotion. We need to recognize that the language we have to raise boys falls short and creates an environment for rage.

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Show Notes:

On January 6th, 2021, Ken's sister contacted him about the siege at the Capitol and the unfolding violence. Ken's reaction to what he saw on the news felt like a “gut punch" and included tension in his neck and jaw along with a sense of “there’s no surprise here” while simultaneously feeling the shock of what was happening.
The roots of the events have a larger cultural context that we seem to be in denial about.
"We are a nation of good and decent people” seems to be the refrain heard over and over again. Still, the truth is that our nation was built on wobbly legs of genocide, slavery, colonization, and brutality.
Many of the images we saw that day are emblematic of toxic white male privilege and gross characterizations of “The Man Box” in cosplay.
A population fed on a steady diet of misinformation and a toxic model of white male privilege and feelings of anger and invisibility created the Capitol events that day.
One of the Trump administration hallmarks was this idea of “the enemy,” and his language and energy were often about "us or them.”
Rage is a culmination of unexpressed anger, hopelessness, and invisibility.
Many men in our country lack the relational and communication skills needed to break out of the “man box.”
When it comes to raising our children, we need to be mindful of our internal dialog and catch ourselves as parents when we find ourselves triggered by our own unresolved “stuff.”
We need to ask ourselves if we are modeling healthy behavior for our children regarding the full range of human emotion. We need to recognize that the language we have to raise boys falls short and creates an environment for rage.

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Previous Episode

Episode 62: Dr. Dain Heer - No Judgment

No Judgment.

Even the title of this episode makes me breathe easy.

I loved my conversation with Dain and gained so much insight and enjoyment from listening to him talk. He spoke about the power of non-judgment and why it is vital to our wellbeing to clear judgment from our energetic centers so that we can stop suppressing our true nature and live a life of allowance. In this episode, he teaches us to uncreate the realities that no longer serve us. That all of the projections, expectations, separations, and rejections placed on us by ourselves or by anybody else keep us from being as weird and different as we are. He encourages us to let that go and create something new by accessing our conscious awareness. I have no doubt you will gain deep awareness just by listening to this episode.

Meet Dr. Dain Heer:

Dr. Dain Heer is an internationally renowned author, speaker, and facilitator of consciousness and change. For over 20 years, he has been inviting people to embrace their true greatness—people from every culture, country, age, and social strata.

In his talks and workshops, he uses a unique set of tools and provides step-by-step energetic processes to get people out of the answers, conclusions, and judgments that are keeping them stuck in a cycle of no choice and no change – leading them into the moments of awe that have the power to change anything.

For Dain, judgment is the biggest killer on the planet, especially the judgment of ourselves. Based on his own life experience, he asks, “what if we could get out of the wrongness of ourselves and see every wrongness, the places where we judge ourselves the most, as a strength? What would be possible then?”

Show Notes:

One of the most seductive things in the world is when someone sees you with no judgment. And we keep looking for that from the outside world or hoping for it and very seldom receiving it. And yet we never looked to how can I be that person for myself?
Symptoms of the trance of unworthiness, perfectionism, and self-loathing are all based on judgment.
We live in a world where parents are taught that the right way to be a parent is to teach their kids to judge. The idea is to teach them to judge right from wrong and good from bad.
We've gotten away from asking questions. When we were kids with such curiosity about the world, most of us were made to feel wrong for asking way too many questions.
A definition for consciousness: “where everything and everyone exists, and no one and nothing is judged."
Access Consciousness is available in over 183 countries, and they have about 700 facilitators worldwide.
People are depressed, confused, overwhelmed, and don’t know how to ask the questions that get them started on their own journey. Teen Incidence of suicide is skyrocketing worldwide.
Beginning to function from a state of allowance will ease the suffering of many, many people.
People are either seekers: growth aware, or non-seeking: growth averse.
Laughter truly is the best medicine.

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Next Episode

Episode 64: Laura Clark - Listening to the Signs

In this episode, Monica and Laura dive into the world of intuition and how our soul wisdom can read the signs that can lead us where we need to go.

Laura Clark is one of those beautiful souls you meet along the way that gently nudges you to look more deeply at the signs that are always within our view if we dare to look, trust and believe in them.

This interview was so fun because Laura and I love geeking out on signs. I loved sharing our intuitive hits with each other about the growth we’ve experienced as the mystery of our lives continually unfolds with grace, sass, and a whole lot of cosmic humor.

Do you see signs in your life? After this episode, you’d likely start seeing them everywhere!
You are welcome!

Laura Clark teaches you how to access your inner knowing and align with your purpose to live your truth purposefully and passionately.

Laura Clark is also a bestselling author, engaging speaker, and founder of the Wise Living Institute & Living Your truth Sisterhood. Laura champions others to awaken their purpose and inner wisdom, and to use them as a beacon in stepping confidently and courageously forward living one’s own truth.

As a sassy and spiritual guru, Laura believes everyone can step forward to a fuller, more joyful, and abundant life.

Show Notes:

Living your truth is really knowing yourself intimately - who you are, what your purpose is, and taking simple, and yet courageous steps forward, having that be your foundation.
Laura didn't have the picket fence or the two-car garage or the 3.1 children that everybody else told her that she was going to have in her life. She was following the path of others and wasn’t happy, which eventually led to depression.
When we are unbalanced it's because we are not allowing ourselves to follow our creative truths the way we want to, the way we are guided to. And so the depression came because she was ignoring what she really wanted to be doing, which forced Laura to start listening to her inner wisdom and guidance.
The golden thread of our life runs through each and every aspect of who we are and what we do. If you look for it, you’ll see it.
Sometimes we have to choose a path for ourselves that has no safety net so that we can’t retreat back into the comfort of what we knew. There’s wisdom in this.
If you are paying attention you can start to see the signs that can lead you in the direction you need to head in.
There are many different languages of listening. Sometimes signs are taps, subtle nuances, patterns, number sequences, animals showing up in our line of sight.
Signs can also come as cosmic 2x4s. If you are not listening and paying attention, they keep coming back with more and more force, to gain your attention.
Sometimes waiting is the answer and you just have to wait until more is revealed.
All of us have access to intuition, but like anything else, you have to practice and develop your relationship with it.
The 6 Truths Sassy & Spiritual Souls Must Understand to Grow & Glow

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