The Relaxed Male - The Grudge: The Heaviest of Weights

The Grudge: The Heaviest of Weights

05/06/21 • 45 min

Join the Operation: Tears of the 22 Off the Hardball event for the veterans. WIll be happening on August 5-8 at Byrd Adventure Center In the beautiful Ozark National Park Sign up Today

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men

How do I simplify life and be happy?

How to always be happy? Well, I will break it to you you can and actually don't want to be happy all the time. How would it look if you were at your grandmother's funeral and you were just sitting around with a grin on your face? If you were punched in the face you don't want to be just all happy go lucky no you would be upset and rightfully so.

So how do you be happy? You accept that life is 50/50. That is life is 50% pleasure and 50% pain. Now, what does pain entail, because it sounds unpleasant right? Yeah, it is anything that is unpleasant or uncomfortable. Feeling awkward is classified as pain. It's not fun feeling like a fish out of water but it is going to happen and it's going to happen often. So, you need to practice accepting that life isn’t going to be all sunshine and lollipops. That is where much of people's anxiety comes from they think they have to be happy and they aren’t they are feeling scared or awkward or uncomfortable in some way and they obsess over this fact that they don't feel like they believe they should.

Now you can also mitigate your emotional being by understanding that all your emotions are not created by your environment. No, your environment has no control over you, people have no control over your emotions. They cant make you mad nor can they make you happy. You can respond to their actions.

You can have a thought about what they said and if it isn’t pleasant then you can actually start working on changing the perspective as to how you are thinking. Take someone cutting you off in traffic. That person may not have seen you because he just got a call that his daughter was in an accident and is being taken to the hospital. Then again it could be that the guy is just being a jerk because he can. You don't know and you can't change his mind by honking at his car.

Your emotions come from your thoughts. Your thoughts come from the circumstance you are currently in. The circumstance is nothing but fact. If there is an emotion tied to that fact that isn’t a fact it is a thought. Mrs, Johnson is being mean to me. That is a thought. I didn’t do my homework and Mrs. Johnson said I have to stay in for recess is a fact. Do you sort of understand?

So how do you be happy? You choose to love others. See your world for all the opportunities you have available in your life. Writing out a list of what you are grateful for at that very moment helps a lot. Give a person the benefit of the doubt. Keep practicing allow yourself to fail from time to time. And eventually, you will start to see the rainbow cant be around without some rain.

Main Topic

The heaviest package you will carry

You are always working on letting that grudge live in your mind.
You are obsessing over what that person will do and that takes energy.
You are often fooling yourself thinking that your grudge is thinking of ways to get you and they aren't thinking of you at all.

Why are they bad?

They cause undue stress
That stress causes physical problems
You are obsessing over something that often can't be fixed

How do you get rid of a grudge?

forgive them
Let it go
Write it down on a piece of paper and then burn that paper.
acknowledge that this grudge isn't serving you
Walk a mile in that person's shoes

Join the Operation: Tears of the 22 Off the Hardball event for the veterans. WIll be happening on August 5-8 at Byrd Adventure Center In the beautiful Ozark National Park Sign up Today

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men

How do I simplify life and be happy?

Main Topic

The heaviest package you will carry

You are always working on letting that grudge live in your mind.
You are obsessing over what that person will do and that takes energy.
You are often fooling yourself thinking that your grudge is thinking of ways to get you and they aren't thinking of you at all.

Why are they bad?

They cause undue stress
That stress causes physical problems
You are obsessing over something that often can't be fixed

How do you get rid of a grudge?

forgive them
Let it go
Write it down on a piece of paper and then burn that paper.
acknowledge that this grudge isn't serving you
Walk a mile in that person's shoes

Previous Episode

Playing The Victim Means You're Playing to Lose

Join me in helping Operation: Tears of the 22 and their first-time event over at the Byrd Adventure Center in Arkansas. This is happening between August 5-8 and are they ever putting up a bang-up event. There are going to be music and jeep rides on the many trails that span around the heart of the Ozark National Forest. on top of all that, there are going to be some amazing food trucks there to squash any hunger you have. We will also be having an auction where one of the lots is a 3-month coaching package with me!

So join up and let Matt and Rich know that you are going to the event by visiting the event page

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men

How can you instill the understanding early on in a child's life that gang members should not be looked up to as role models and, despite its appealing nature, to walk their path would be a great misfortune?

That is a great question. Now I have a firm belief as to why gangs are so attractive to young people. now I can bash the music. The songs today promote and seem to encourage lots of today's youth to look at gangs in a romanticized manner. There are all the drugs the sense of comradery. you get to have guns and the like. Yet how do you change the hearts and minds of these kids from wanting to join a dead-end street like being in a gang?

To answer that We need to look at what the problem is, that problem is that there is no father in the picture. Thanks to many well-intended government programs the role of needing a father in the house has been diminished. Now when a woman gets pregnant she doesn’t have to turn to the father and say we need to raise this kid together. Instead, they turn to their rich Uncle Sam and he gives them money for food and daycare and rent and everything else that a father is supposed to provide. This keeps the men from having to grow up and face their responsibilities of providing for a family and it keeps the women from having to face their responsibilities that they need to be making better choices with their men.

The people that lose out because of this lack of responsibility are the kids, especially the boys. You have a group of boys who doesn't have any strong masculine guidance in their life, therefore they turn to the closest perceived masculine and that is a bunch of grown boys who are in a gang. So they learn what it means to be a man from a bunch of people who don't know what it really means to be a man. Instead of the dad, who would know best and having that father be a constant presence in their life. These boys now have a bunch of strangers who are saying they have to do this or that to be called a man. When in reality they don't know anything about being a man because they were also taught by a bunch of grown boys instead of a grown man.

So how do we change the minds of these boys thinking that gangs are cool? We get fathers to become involved in their boy's lives. It won't be easy but it is possible. If you don't have kids then start finding ways you can be involved in the lives of boys who don't have fathers. Join up and be a mentor with Big Brothers/Big Sisters. It is a shift in culture which is going to be tough because today's society thinks all the good elements of a successful life are being white. Which the farthest from the truth. So there is a social change that needs to be done. How that is above my pay grade.

Answer requested by Viktor Bondarchuk

Main topic

Today's society is one that they see who can win the race to being the biggest victim. This is why schools have safe spaces. Kids in college want to make sure they can say something without facing the repercussions of their actions. This is one reason the world so so upside down right now. Being a strong masculine man is scored and called out to be the cause of all the good that masculinity does in society.

What is a victim?

A victim is a person who has given up their power to someone or something else. Society is wanting it to mean that there is no blame to be given to the victim. Though many times that person actually got themselves into that predicament. A person was the victim of greedy capitalists. No, that person chose to spend their pa...

Next Episode

Free Yourself From The Opinion of Others

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Me

Why am I not happy in my life?

There are a lot of reasons that you are lacking joy and happiness in your life. Since I don't know you from adam I can only guess as to why you are unhappy and restless.

The number one reason I would surmise is that you don't have a purpose. What gets you out of bed each morning? People need to have a why a purpose, a passion Whatever you would like to call it, you need one. Something that allows you to struggle and get out of your comfort zone.

Sadly many people are just way too damn comfortable for their life. We need struggle and discomfort to have joy in our lives. Much like how we need the valleys of life to celebrate the summits of our achievements. We need dark to appreciate the light. It may sound like a horrible and cruel paradox but look at anybody who is genuinely happy and they will tell about the hard times they had in their life.

Why do you think so many poor people appear to be so happy while rich people often appear to be so miserable. That is because of the benefit of the struggle.

So how do you wade into something uncomfortable? I would say write down 10 or more things that scare you. Is it speaking in public or possibly joining a group. Start small. You may do what Jia Jiang did and just get people to tell him no.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vZXgApsPCQ

There find the things that scare you and start trying to do them. Don't be afraid of failure. That is a part of learning and skill-building. You didn’t just hop on to a bicycle and start riding no you fell over and over again until you got it.

Be a part of something bigger than you. This could be a charity or maybe a project like starting your own business. Yes, the business can be bigger than you. A business is nothing more than you getting paid for a service you perform. So you can find fulfillment from starting a business.

You don't have to worry so much about passion. That will actually grow as you get more and more involved with whatever you are doing.

Use a gratitude journal You can't be unhappy when you are truly grateful. You can start to change your mindset and attitude by looking at what you are grateful for. Write down each day 3 things you are grateful for. You might even challenge yourself and say you can't use the same thing more than once every 7 days. So Go out and try it. Keep searching for that why and you will find it.

Main Topic

So many times we let the opinions of others dictate our decisions.

Examples

You are going to fail
He looks ridiculous
That is a fool's errand
You cant do that

What is an opinion?

An opinion

1. a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. "I'm writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance"

2. the beliefs or views of a large number or majority of people about a particular thing. "The changing climate of opinion"

3. An estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something. "I had a higher opinion of myself than I deserved"

Definitions from Oxford Languages

Opinions are not facts they are thoughts believed to be true. In other words, opinions are nothing more than thoughts.

My wife is being irrational, is an opinion. My kids don't listen, is an opinion. Opinions are also anything with an emotion tied to it. My wife is mad, is an opinion.

We often take opinions and apply them to our lives. We were told out being a writer was a dumb idea because you can't make any money from it. You cant be an artist because you will starve. Those are again opinions, they aren't true for you. It may be that Uncle Joe failed as a screenwriter and he is sharing his opinion because of how much it hurt for him to fail. His experience isn't yours.

Take the opinions as just that opinions. They may have nuggets of truth in them but that doesn't mean you are not worthy of trying. You never know what you can do till you actually take a swing at your dream. Will you fail? Yeah is it because Uncle Joe said so? Only if you allow it.