The Life After Series Podcast

What is shame? What does it feel like? What does it prompt us to do? Let’s talk about identifying shame and the events that trigger this powerful emotion.

Let’s walk through a few different emotions so we can understand where they come from, how we experience them, what they compel us to do and what we can do with them. Before we do that, let’s talk about Dialectical Behavioral Therapy or DBT. This mental health treatment was designed to train skills helpful in managing chronic mental health concerns. DBT includes mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation skills. I have found these skills to be really helpful in navigating relationships and complex emotions.

What is mindfulness? At the core are the three “What’s”: Observe. Describe. Participate (engage, the purpose behind why we observe and describe). These “what” skills are really helpful in breaking down steps for mindfulness.

How do we act mindful? Simple. First, do one thing at a time. Our minds are equipped to do one thing really well at one time. Second, do it non-judgmentally. Eliminate evaluations. Just participate fully in the moment. Don’t worry about what others think. Finally, do it effectively. What needs to be done at this moment? Don’t focus on being the best or better.

These steps and framework really help us in identifying emotions as well. Mindfulness has helped me slow down so I can actually identify that I’m feeling an emotion and be able to identify what emotion it is. Research shows being able to label that emotion helps us manage it better as well as enabling us to share it with others to improve our social support. There’s many advantages to slowing down, practicing mindfulness and being able to describe the emotions we feel.

Now, let’s talk about shame. Shame is a bedrock emotion. It’s a universal emotion that all of us as humans experience. Shame is such an inescapable emotion that can be so powerful. I’ve found that shame oftentimes underlies compulsive behaviors like pornography. A lot of people talk about unwanted pornography viewing as an addiction (neurological or biological), but for me what’s been so profound is the underlying emotion of shame that many people experience who are struggling with trying to change sexual behavior like unwanted pornography. I’ve also found shame underlies many relationship concerns, insecurities, depression, and anxiety concerns.

What does shame feel like? What are some of the things which occur physically when we experience shame? It’s different for everybody. For me, shame is the pit in the stomach, nausea, something off, disgusting, uneasy, dark feeling inside, daunting, dread, shrinking, and despair. It can be difficult to look others in the eye. You may curl up in a ball and turn away and want to withdraw and hide from the world. This is how powerful shame can be.

The first program The Life After Series launched was the LifeAfterPornography (LAP) online self-directed program. With LAP, we guide people through a 10 week, program based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) shown effective in research to reduce unwanted pornography.

The LifeAfterPornography Online Program: www.LifeAfterPornography.com

LifeAfterPornography Free Training: http://www.lifeafterpornography.com/LAP-starter-pack

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thelifeafterseries/

The purpose of this episode is to just offer some thoughts and strategies to manage stress through this difficult time, through this COVID-19 world-wide pandemic. This is a time when we can come together and show our best selves. And I’ve seen a lot of those experiences recently. Here are seven ways you can manage stress during this uniquely stressful time.

First, there is news coverage on this 24/7. It's helpful to stay informed but also recognize when it's appropriate to take some breaks. Set limits on when you plug in to the news. Maybe only 2-3 times. You’re going to check, but you’re not going to check 3-4 times a day. That’s just going to keep our bodies in a heightened state of hyper-arousal, overly alert. And that’s not optimal to help us function during this difficult and unique time.

Second is social distancing. Spending time with family, friends, and colleagues is what I like to do. Being light-hearted is how I cope. Not having that face to face interaction has an impact on me. I do pretty good solo, but I also recognize there has to be balance. Too much is not optimal for me. So I keep reminding myself that social distancing is not the same as social isolation. These are different things. It’s important to recognize that you can practice social distancing (staying at least 6 feet apart), but still remain connected. Finding those ways to maintain social connection when our physical connection may be limited at this time is very important.

Third, this is a time where we don’t feel like we have a lot of control. Recognizing that these times aren't in our control, there’s a lot of unknowns, reminding ourselves that we don’t know what’s going to happen next...that’s okay. Just acknowledging that is key. Finding a way to maintain our routines is also important. Holding onto that structure is very helpful.

Fourth, take perspective on what’s happening. Many years from now, we’re going to look back at this time and we will have gotten through it. Take a look back on the times you’ve battled through some difficult times. Ask yourself, ‘What did I do to get through that?’ Those same strategies still apply now!

Fifth, notice your thoughts. Take inventory of them. Instead of thinking of worst-case scenarios, think of what you can do right now to be helpful. Instead of cowering in fear, focus on being positive.

Sixth, Radical acceptance. Sometimes the best way to get through it is to radically accept that this is what is happening. Just accept it. Don’t judge the situation we’re in. Realize it’s temporary and just accept the moment we’re in.

Finally, here are some other things you can do to help manage during uncertain times: Be creative. Attend to yourself, but keep others in mind. Practice gratitude. Slow down. Connect with things and people that matter. Be creative in the ways that you exercise. Keep to your normal schedule as much as possible (even if it’s adapted). Write down your plan for the day. Limit screentime for you and your kids. Get adequate nutrition. Get adequate sleep. Find ways to serve others. ☀️ Here’s the biggest take away: It’s so important we maintain that balance of being cautious and safe, but not fearful and overwhelmed. But be realistic. We’re going to be okay. There’s going to be an impact, but we’re going to get through this.

*****

The first program The Life After Series launched was the LifeAfterPornography (LAP) online self-directed program. With LAP, we guide people through a 10 week, program based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) shown effective in research to reduce unwanted pornography.

LifeAfterPornography Online Program: www.LifeAfterPornography.com

LifeAfterPornography Free Training: http://www.lifeafterpornography.com/LAP-starter-pack

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thelifeafterseries/

If you want to learn about helpful approaches from real life people on how to overcome unwanted pornography viewing this video is for you! Brian is one of many individuals who has gone through the LifeAfterPornography online program. In this exclusive interview, you will hear from Brian who reached out to Dr. Staley and volunteered to share his journey with pornography and how the LifeAfterPornography program has helped him overcome his struggle.

Part 1 Of Brian’s Story: https://youtu.be/jutFkZmn9Sc

#OvercomingPornography #QuitPorn #MentalHealth

*****

The first program The Life After Series launched was the LifeAfterPornography (LAP) online self-directed program. With LAP, we guide people through a 10 week, program based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) shown effective in research to reduce unwanted pornography.

The LifeAfterPornography Online Program: www.LifeAfterPornography.com

LifeAfterPornography Free Training: http://www.lifeafterpornography.com/LAP-starter-pack

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thelifeafterseries/

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/48VPP3IwpivWymM1NCnL9p

iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-after-series-podcast/id1499393371

Google Podcast: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy8xM2UwNzQ4OC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==

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To Learn More About LifeAferPornography...

What Is LifeAfterPornography: https://youtu.be/uRsDRWV22Jc

Dr. Staley’s Story: https://youtu.be/1ehv9FFf_yg

An Overview Of The Program: https://youtu.be/ZLnW3zx-xrw

Free Lesson From The Program: https://youtu.be/W_y5xl_BOW4

*This video is a self-help presentation and NOT mental health therapy*

The information provided in this resource is educational in nature and is intended to be used only as a general educational resource. No therapist-patient relationship is established by reading or listening to this content. The information provided is not intended to replace professional mental health services and should not be used as psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment of a mental health problem.

In this conversation, we walk through some of the insights and tips from Module 9 of the Life After Pornography program to help those already in the program and give potential users an insight into what they will experience when engaging in the LAP program. If you want to learn about effective, helpful approaches from real life people on how to overcome unwanted pornography viewing this video is for you! Brian is one of many individuals who has gone through the LifeAfterPornography online program. In this exclusive interview, you will hear from Brian who reached out to Dr. Staley and volunteered to share his journey with pornography and how the LifeAfterPornography program has helped him overcome his struggle.

*Part 1 Of Brian’s Story: https://youtu.be/jutFkZmn9Sc #QuittingPornography #QuitPorn #OvercomingPornography*

***The first program The Life After Series launched was the LifeAfterPornography (LAP) online self-directed program. With LAP, we guide people through a 10 week, program based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) shown effective in research to reduce unwanted pornography.

The LifeAfterPornography Online Program: www.LifeAfterPornography.com

LifeAfterPornography Free Training: http://www.lifeafterpornography.com/LAP-starter-pack

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thelifeafterseries/

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/48VPP3IwpivWymM1NCnL9p

iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-after-series-podcast/id1499393371Google

Podcast: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy8xM2UwNzQ4OC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw== -------------

To Learn More About LifeAferPornography...

What Is LifeAfterPornography: https://youtu.be/uRsDRWV22Jc

Dr. Staley’s Story: https://youtu.be/1ehv9FFf_yg

An Overview Of The Program: https://youtu.be/ZLnW3zx-xrw

Free Lesson From The Program: https://youtu.be/W_y5xl_BOW4

*This video is a self-help presentation and NOT mental health therapy* The information provided in this resource is educational in nature and is intended to be used only as a general educational resource. No therapist-patient relationship is established by reading or listening to this content. The information provided is not intended to replace professional mental health services and should not be used as psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment of a mental health problem.

In this conversation, we walk through some of the insights and tips from Module 5 of the Life After Pornography program to help those already in the program and give potential users an insight into what they will experience when engaging in the LAP program. In this conversation, we talk about the relationship you have with your mind and that constant struggle with our thinking, emotions, and urges.

If you want to learn about effective, helpful approaches from real life people on how to overcome unwanted pornography viewing this video is for you! Brian is one of many individuals who has gone through the LifeAfterPornography online program.

#QuittingPornography #QuitPorn #OvercomingPornography

*****

The first program The Life After Series launched was the LifeAfterPornography (LAP) online self-directed program. With LAP, we guide people through a 10 week, program based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) shown effective in research to reduce unwanted pornography.

The LifeAfterPornography Online Program: www.LifeAfterPornography.com

LifeAfterPornography Free Training: http://www.lifeafterpornography.com/LAP-starter-pack

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thelifeafterseries/

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/48VPP3IwpivWymM1NCnL9p

iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-after-series-podcast/id1499393371

Google Podcast: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy8xM2UwNzQ4OC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==

-------------

To Learn More About LifeAferPornography...

What Is LifeAfterPornography: https://youtu.be/uRsDRWV22Jc

Dr. Staley’s Story: https://youtu.be/1ehv9FFf_yg

An Overview Of The Program: https://youtu.be/ZLnW3zx-xrw

Free Lesson From The Program: https://youtu.be/W_y5xl_BOW4

*This is a self-help presentation and NOT mental health therapy*

The information provided in this resource is educational in nature and is intended to be used only as a general educational resource. No therapist-patient relationship is established by reading or listening to this content. The information provided is not intended to replace professional mental health services and should not be used as psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment of a mental health problem.