336: Neil Pasricha - How To Build Resilience & Live An Intentional Life

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10/27/19 • 72 min

The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk

Episode #336: Neil Pasricha: How To Build Resilience & Live An Intentional Life

Full Show notes can be found at www.LearningLeader.com

How To Build Resilience & Live An Intentional Life

NEIL PASRICHA is the the author of six books including: The Book of Awesome, a spinning rolodex of simple pleasures based on his 100-million-hit, award-winning blog 1000 Awesome Things, The Happiness Equation, originally written as a 300-page love letter to his unborn son on how to live a happy life, Awesome Is Everywhere, an interactive introduction to guided meditation for children, and How To Get Back Up , a memoir of failure and resilience released as an Audible Original. His latest book is called You Are Awesome. His books are New York Times and #1 international bestsellers and have sold millions of copies across dozens of languages. His first TED talk “The 3 A’s of Awesome” is ranked one of the 10 Most Inspiring of all time.

Notes:

Commonalities of leaders who sustain excellence:
- They read a lot
- They unplug regularly - "the genesis for all my best ideas."
  - "Create untouchable time" for yourself
The CEO of Wal-Mart -- How did he create this time?
- He's the CEO BECAUSE he always made this part of his way of operating.
Neil worked in a senior level corporate role for Wal-Mart for 10 years
- His side hustle was writing and speaking
  - He didn't quit his job until he had successfully built his side hustle for eight years!
Ask yourself two questions:
- Which of these two decisions will I regret not doing more on your death bed?
- What will you do if it fails?
The farmer with one horse fable: A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away. His neighbors said,“I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said,“We’ll see.” A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses following. The man and his son corralled all twenty-one horses. His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news.You must be so happy!” The man just said,“We’ll see.” One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs. His neighbors said,“I’m so sorry.This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said,“We’ll see.” The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted. His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news.You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see . . .” What is up with this crazy farmer, right? Well, what’s up with this crazy farmer is that he has truly developed resilience. He has built up his resilience. He is resilient! He’s steady, he’s ready, and whatever the future brings, we all know he’s going to stare it straight in the face with eyes that scream,“Bring it on.” The farmer has come to understand that every skyrocketing pleasure or stomach-churning defeat defines not who he is but simply where he is.
What do most commencement speeches get wrong?
- Do what you love only if you're willing to accept the pain to continue doing it...
- The grind. A lot of small losses add up. Can you handle the pain that you will need to endure to do what you love?
Is it better to be a big fish in a small pond?
- Yes. Academic research shows it benefits you even up to 10 years after you leave the pond...
- Don't but the $5m condo in NYC. Continue to find places where you can purposefully win.
- Rig the game to win.
"Different is better than better."
Add a dot-dot-dot...
- Neil's mom: "I always just added the word yet to everything..." It's not a NO, it's a "not yet."
- You have to just "keep going."
The two minute morning routine that takes the worry out of waking up:
- In your journal write three things:
  - I will let go of...
  - I am grateful for...
  - I will focus on...
Neil's goal setting:
- Set the lowest possible goals. Set goals that you will hit.
- "Extrinsic goals don't work."
Why joining The Learning Leader Circle is a good idea

The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk

Episode #336: Neil Pasricha: How To Build Resilience & Live An Intentional Life

Full Show notes can be found at www.LearningLeader.com

How To Build Resilience & Live An Intentional Life

Notes:

Commonalities of leaders who sustain excellence:
- They read a lot
- They unplug regularly - "the genesis for all my best ideas."
  - "Create untouchable time" for yourself
The CEO of Wal-Mart -- How did he create this time?
- He's the CEO BECAUSE he always made this part of his way of operating.
Neil worked in a senior level corporate role for Wal-Mart for 10 years
- His side hustle was writing and speaking
  - He didn't quit his job until he had successfully built his side hustle for eight years!
Ask yourself two questions:
- Which of these two decisions will I regret not doing more on your death bed?
- What will you do if it fails?
The farmer with one horse fable: A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away. His neighbors said,“I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said,“We’ll see.” A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses following. The man and his son corralled all twenty-one horses. His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news.You must be so happy!” The man just said,“We’ll see.” One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs. His neighbors said,“I’m so sorry.This is such bad news. You must be so upset.” The man just said,“We’ll see.” The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted. His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news.You must be so happy!” The man just said, “We’ll see . . .” What is up with this crazy farmer, right? Well, what’s up with this crazy farmer is that he has truly developed resilience. He has built up his resilience. He is resilient! He’s steady, he’s ready, and whatever the future brings, we all know he’s going to stare it straight in the face with eyes that scream,“Bring it on.” The farmer has come to understand that every skyrocketing pleasure or stomach-churning defeat defines not who he is but simply where he is.
What do most commencement speeches get wrong?
- Do what you love only if you're willing to accept the pain to continue doing it...
- The grind. A lot of small losses add up. Can you handle the pain that you will need to endure to do what you love?
Is it better to be a big fish in a small pond?
- Yes. Academic research shows it benefits you even up to 10 years after you leave the pond...
- Don't but the $5m condo in NYC. Continue to find places where you can purposefully win.
- Rig the game to win.
"Different is better than better."
Add a dot-dot-dot...
- Neil's mom: "I always just added the word yet to everything..." It's not a NO, it's a "not yet."
- You have to just "keep going."
The two minute morning routine that takes the worry out of waking up:
- In your journal write three things:
  - I will let go of...
  - I am grateful for...
  - I will focus on...
Neil's goal setting:
- Set the lowest possible goals. Set goals that you will hit.
- "Extrinsic goals don't work."
Why joining The Learning Leader Circle is a good idea

Previous Episode

335: Deconstructing The Art & Science Of Public Speaking With Jay Acunzo

The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk

Text LEARNERS to 44222

Full show notes can be found at www.LearningLeader.com

Episode #335: Deconstructing The Art & Science Of Public Speaking With Jay Acunzo

This is another bonus episode with my friend, Jay Acunzo. We deconstruct the art and science of public speaking in this bonus episode. "I'm trying to help you see something different that fundamentally changes your work for the better."

Notes:

The goal:
- Help your audience see something different that fundamentally changes their work for the better.
- Everything I'm doing (when speaking) is helping you get from where you're at to where you want to be.
How to put a talk together:
- Prompt driven -- Anticipate the questions that will be asked and answer them.
- The coaching of Andrew Davis for Jay... "He's been really instrumental in helping me build a speaking business
  - "The Dialog Outline" -- You break up a talk you're giving into it's component pieces making it a modular talk.
    - "You're sharing the things others need to hear at the right moment they need to hear it... So they're anticipating what comes next..."
- Put yourself in situations to "talk out your thoughts" to generate ideas... "Learn through speaking."
Process to prepare:
- The value of rehearsal -- Is it needed? How much?
- Memorization vs. knowing your content cold → How to not sound like a robot, but still remember what to say?
- Visual aids (PowerPoint, Keynote) -- "If I need the slides, I'm not ready." - Jay. Slides should be use to reinforce the message. You should never need to look at them. They are there to be additive to your message for your audience.
- The 30 seconds before going on stage? The optimal self talk... Interesting to hear the dramatic difference between Jay's approach and mine...
  - Get emotionally cross-faded. "Wow, I get to do this. This is so cool." (The words Jay says to himself the instant before he goes on stage." And then... "Watch this." Assuring people that "I'm going to have some serious fun."
  - "Get ready... I'm about to put on a show." -- Use your excitement and confidence to serve the audience.
How to start a speech: What to do and what NOT to do:
- The first part of the speech is the shared goal - "What does everyone in the room want?"
  - "The Vanguard." - The front line you send out to begin the attack...
- Do NOT start by saying, "I'm so excited to be here." Of course you're excited. Don't waste that time. It's too important to wander into the speech.
Speaking Framework:
- (Mine: story → science → practical application)
  - Story -- People remember stories
  - Science -- Empirical evidence/data to support the story
  - Application -- This is what it means for YOU
- Storytelling -- How to become a better storyteller? Great storytellers can rule the world...
  - Give a "feature story" -- And then reveal your hidden truth.
  - And then break it down into a methodology.
- Engaging the audience - some speakers walk in the crowd, some ask questions regularly... The optimal ways to engage the audience
- The element of surprise -- How to create ‘moments’ for the audience (surprise, ‘aha’ etc)? How to ensure you are enlightening them and not just regurgitating stuff they already know...
- The keys to Q & A and why it should never be the last thing you do on stage...
Film the audience to see their reaction to your message... Study that to see what hits.
How to add humor appropriately
Coaching/feedback -- The intentional actions taken to ensure improvement. Why you should have a coach. Who is your kitchen cabinet?
For corporate world mid-level managers who have to do QBR’s (quarterly business reviews) -- How can they make those more exciting? (Most are dreadfully boring full of random stats, charts, bar graphs, etc)
Study the 'intentionality' of stand up comedians. Everything you say is for a specific reason.
Be thoughtful and intentional with your actions.
Persuasive presentations have logos, ethos, and pathos (from Talk Like TED)
- Logos - Backing up your argument with data
- Ethos - Credibility of the speaker
- Pathos - Establish an emotional connection

Next Episode

337: Scott H. Young - How To Become An Ultra-Learner

The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk

Text LEARNERS to 44222

For full show notes, go to www.LearningLeader.com

Episode #337: Scott H. Young - How To Become An Ultra Learner

Scott Young is a writer who undertakes interesting self-education projects, such as attempting to learn MIT's four-year computer science curriculum in twelve months and learning four languages in one year. Scott incorporates the latest research about the most effective learning methods and the stories of other ultralearners like himself—among them Ben Franklin, Judit Polgár, and Richard Feynman, as well as a host of others, such as little-known modern polymaths like Nigel Richards who won the World Championship of French Scrabble—without knowing French. He is the author of the best-selling book, UltraLearning.

Notes:

Commonalities of leaders who sustain excellence:
- Understand how excellence works
- Learning, constantly thinking about the process of improving
Being interested in learning new things... Scott finds the mind fascinating
- Encountering things that people have done that are jaw dropping
Projects:
- Why he failed to learn French as an exchange student
  - "Simple decisions you make early on can have big consequences."
  - Because he didn't go all in and immerse himself in the language, he always reverted back to his native tongue
Go for inversion from the beginning. This is why he did the "year without English."
"Doing the hard thing makes it easier in the long run, it accelerates skills more quickly"
UltraLearning - A strategy for acquiring skills and knowledge that is both self-directed and intense
As a manager, recognize that there are many different skills you can possess to be successful...
- Know what you need to be good at. Break it down to the component skills... Have a process
- Get better at each important skill
- Think: "What would it be like to be amazing at this?"
Tristan de Montebello: He wanted to learn a new skill that was completely outside of his current skill set (he's a musician)
- Instead of learning another instrument, he chose to become a world class public speaker
- He started as an amateur and ended as a finalist for a public speaking championship.
  - How? He got on stage twice a day, took improv class, and compressed the process.
  - "He made the conscious decision to become excellent." And then executed...
Process for a person who has a full time job/family/mortgage:
- This doesn't need to be a full time endeavor
- "How are you using every minute of every day?"
- Take on intensive bursts
- Follow your curiosity and obsessions
- Ramit Sethi -- "See the game being played around you"
Principles:
- Spend time figuring out the best way to learn what you want to learn. What tools and resources are available?
- Drill, attack your weakest point. Sometimes you shouldn't learn a skill (ex: fixing your car... Hire a mechanic instead)
- Every complicated skill has components
- Test to learn
  - Repeated review - read over and over
  - Free recall - read the text once, then close the book. Try to recall what you learned. In an experiment, free recall learners retained more. PRACTICE remembering something. It impacts how you process information.
Anders Ericsson - Deliberate practice:
- In 40% of the cases, feedback hurt. Task oriented feedback works best.
- How we process feedback is most important
  - "If you're doggedly trying to be an ultra learner and sustain excellence, emotional consequences are important..."
Born with it vs. Ability to learn:
- Anyone has the ability to learn anything
- Everyone has their own abilities, their own pace.
- Recognize your capacity to improve but don't compare to others
Life advice:
- Read more books - It expands your mind
- Meet more interesting people - Subtlety informs choices, expands group you meet
- Go do ambitious things - bold projects
Why joining The Learning Leader Circle is a good idea