The Head Trash Show with Alexia Leachman

This week on the podcast I'm exploring the idea of being an introvert or extrovert, and I'm asking the question "Is it fixed? Or can we change?"

I don't often hear extroverts wanting to change, but I do often come across introverts not enjoying being an introvert. Or at least, they make excuses for it and make changes to their life to allow for being an introvert. So they might not be openly be complaining about being an introvert, but it sounds like if they could change it they would.

This article in Fast magazine describes introverts and extroverts as follows;

Introverts (or those of us with introverted tendencies) tend to recharge by spending time alone. They lose energy from being around people for long periods of time, particularly large crowds.

Extroverts, on the other hand, gain energy from other people. Extroverts actually find their energy is sapped when they spend too much time alone. They recharge by being social.

I would like to take a different perspective here, and it starts with this question;

I would like to suggest that it's because people and social situations are emotionally triggering for them. When we are emotionally triggered for long periods of time we're exhausted by that and we need recovery time. The reason they might be getting emotionally triggered is that they might have unresolved emotional conflicts or fears and anxieties around being in a social situation.

These fears and anxieties could be things like

• What are people going to think of me?
• What if they don't take me seriously?
• People are going to judge me.
• I never know what to say... what if I say something silly?

Being home alone simply means they avoid being emotionally triggered, and therefore they can better manage their energy levels.

During this episode I explore this idea and share some examples that I believe support the idea that being an introvert is something that we can change.

I think that our natural state is being an ambivert, and that being an introvert or extrovert is simply due to the presence of head trash. And this means something can be done about it.

I also talk about introvert speakers - of which there are many - and why they might be experiencing the double whammy of performing and being an introvert that means that they need a day to recover after a speaking gig.

Head over here to read the podcast transcript.

If you find that being an introvert is costing you things in your life and would like to become more ambivert, then get in touch about how we can map out your head trash clearance journey so that you can allow more possibilities into your life.

The mother wound is a new term for me, but the minute I heard it, it made so much sense. I knew immediately that whatever it was, I had it! Well, let's face it, we all have it.

I was intrigued as to how the mother wound would show up in our day-to-day lives. I've done a lot of mother wound work on myself, so I had inklings on how my mother wound has been affecting me, but I'm sure I still have blind spots. And I sure as hell will not have anything of value to add when it comes to other people's mother wounds. So when I came across this guest I knew I needed to get her on the show.

Today's guest is Rev Chelle. Rev is a Metaphysical Minister, Family Constellation Facilitator & Clinical Hypnotist. In her work she guides daughters as they connect the dots from their mother wound to issues in their relationships, career, finances, fertility, health and parenting.

During our chat we talk about;

• What the mother wound is and how to recognise it
• the role that inter-generational trauma plays on your mother wound
• how the mother wound shows up in on your pregnancy and birth journey
• the impact of not healing unfinished pregnancies on the family soul
• how the mother wound might be the reason for imposter syndrome, your lack of abundance or your tricky relationships
• how you can go about healing your mother wound

Rev Chelle works with people to help them to heal their mother wound. She does this through paradigm-shifting, evidence-based, trauma-informed healing experience that breaks generational and subconscious cycles of pain between daughters and their mothers.

In her work her focus is breaking generational and subconscious cycles of pain between daughters and their mothers.

• Getting to the emotional, energetic and generational root of your Mother Wound
• Connecting the dots from the unhealthy patterns in your family system to your most pressing issues in relationships, fertility, parenting and career
• Identifying the connection between your Mother Wound and your failed relationships
• Why an unhealed Mother Wound may be affecting your fertility
• The connection between your Mother Wound and Imposter Syndrome

You can find out more about her work at www.revchelle.com where you can also book a consultation.

Have you got sleep stress? We often hear about how stress affects our sleep, but not always about how sleep affects our stress. As in, how sleep CREATES stress! You know, SLEEP STRESS!

Yes, you read that right; sleep is stressful. Which when you're already stressed and can't sleep, isn't exactly good news. The thing is as you lie in bed awake waiting for sleep to take over, your mind racing with stressful thoughts about your stressful life, it's not long before your thoughts turn to sleep;

• why am I still awake?
• why can't I fall asleep?
• what if I don't fall asleep soon, then I won't get my 7 hours and then I'll never be able to function!
• what time is it again?

This is what we call sleep stress. Like we needed another kind of stress in our lives!

When I think of sleep stress I think of the emotional tangle we get ourselves into all over not being able to fall asleep. The thing is, once we get sucked into these thoughts it's a slippery slope.

If you've listened to the other podcasts I did recently on sleep, when I spoke to sleep experts Chel Hamilton and Keri Nola, there was one thing that they both mentioned and it was this

Do not judge what is happening to you, just accept and go with it.

Ha! Easier said than done right?

So on today's podcast, I want to dig a bit deeper into sleep stress so that we can better understand the emotional aspects, which in turn should help us to tackle it. Are you up for that?

Now, I've given this a lot of thought... nights of lying awake has given me plenty of time! And I've identified 4 key themes that I believe are the main culprits of sleep stress.

... and then getting more and more annoyed by not sleeping. This is a classic that affects us all from time to time (if not for some of us ALL THE TIME!). Now there might be a number of reasons it's happening to us - chemical imbalance, too hot/cold, too much iPad action, too much fear-based late night TV. Alot of these are discussed in my other podcasts so if you want to find out more about what you need to address in your life, listen to my chat with Chel while Keri's podcast is great to listen to if you want to create a more effective sleep ritual.

But, one thing is certain - you need to make peace with whatever is happening to you and just let go.

Now, for some there may be a very clear reason why they can't sleep and it's this: they don't feel safe enough to. Our body will only let us fall asleep if it thinks we're not in danger. So, if you've had a traumatic experience in your life, maybe this is impacting on your ability to fall asleep. If you can make peace with your trauma and restore your feelings of being safe, then this could unlock your ability to fall asleep with ease.

This is a bit like #1 except here there are actual noises that you're hooking onto when you hear them. As with thoughts, you need to just let them pass and not reach out, jump on them and travel around the room with them. If you can hear them and just not care, that would make things much easier to fall asleep - don't you think? The important difference here is how you feel about the noise.

...and then stressing how you're running out of time to get back to sleep. If this is happening to you, then it could be down to a blood sugar drop. Chel talks about this in the chat I had with her so look to address that bit first before tackling the emotional aspects.

Get your head in a tangle once you're awake though is not going to help. Especially if you're clock watching. Get rid of any easy ways of seeing the time from your bed. It really doesn't matter what time it is. As long as you have an alarm to wake you up, knowing the time can only mean trouble for you. Especially if you're stressing about the next one...

This is the amount of sleep you believe you need to sleep well or get enough sleep. I'm sure we all have an idea as to how much sleep we think we need to feel rested and refreshed. And if we're not sure, then the media will always be too happy to help us figure it out. Only recently there was another piece of research out telling us how much sleep we need. The thing is this is an average figure and often it's not necessary that we need that amount EVERY night. But if we're stressing about how much we believe we need, and what happens if we DON'T get it, then sleep stress is going to win!

Well, it's simple... first, you have to ...

Parent and baby mental health are not discussed enough in my opinion. And yet they are incredibly important not just for the families involved, but for society.

One of the reasons why I’m so passionate about helping women to build their emotional resilience during pregnancy is that it’s powerful place to start if you want to support the mental health of the whole family. The ripple effects of a positive birth experience for the mother go far beyond the mother; they affect the baby, the partner and the whole family.

That’s not to say that a positive birth experience will guarantee that all will be well. Absolutely not. It simply stacks the odds in your favour.

So what else can we do to support parent and baby mental health?

This is something I wanted to find out. So this is why I’m speaking to today’s podcast guest, Selma Bacevac. Selma is a psychotherapist who specialises in working with infants and toddlers who have been hurt through trauma in their early childhood. Her work involves working with all members of the family to help to improve the mental health of the child. So she seems a great person to help us all better understand parent and baby mental health.

Baby mental health, or infant mental health, as it's called in the professional world, is essentially ensuring that every single baby out there has the capacity to learn social and emotional skills in a safe, secure and well connected environment with a caregiver who is consistently present.

During our chat, Selma talks about

• Some of the signs that something might be amiss with a baby’s mental health
• The direct link between a mother’s mental health and that of her baby
• The importance of pregnancy and the in-utero experience
• Why women who are planning pregnancy or pregnant should seek mental health support
• The important role of the partner in maternal and infant mental health
• Improving baby mental health starts with the parents and them working on their own emotional health
• How our parenting style will come from the way that we were parented
• How being aware of our own head trash, and dealing with it, can be crucial part of the process
• Why parenting books aren’t the answer to being a better parent.... And what is!

This is an important conversation that I urge you to listen to, especially if you’re not yet a parent. Preparing for parenthood starts much earlier than you think!

Selma Bacevac, MA is an entrepreneur, mum, international consultant and promoter of baby mental health. She is an expert on how attachment related problems and developmental trauma affect infants and toddlers. She provides webinars, workshops and online training to parents and professionals who are wanting more information on this specific topic. Selma is also the host of Raising Baby, a podcast devoted to helping parents and professionals understand the world from the babies perspective. Selma is a mom, a wife and in her free time enjoys the beach, biking, and more recently kayaking.

IG: @selma_parentchildrelationships,

Selma's website: www.parentchildrelationshipinstitute.com Selma's podcast: Raising Baby with Selma Bacevac Facebook https://www.facebook.com/parentchildrelationshipinstitute/

For a full transcript of the podcast head over here.

To feel and perform at your best, I believe that head trash clearance and mindset should be a practice. But I realise that not everyone sees things in that way.

Once you get your head around the idea of head trash and that it’s something that you can clear quite easily, it’s easy to get excited about it. Well, it was for me. Noticing such huge differences in how I feel in such a small period of time is something that taps into my need for efficiency and my hate of wasting time.

Since I’ve been clearing head trash professionally I’ve worked with lots and lots of people, some of whom I’m still in touch with.

One of these people - let’s call him Alfie - was recently sharing about the emotional struggles he was having. Immediately my Head Trash Radar went into full alert. So I tentatively suggested that this might be a head trash situation and that doing some clearance might help.

To which Alfie replied “Well, I’ve done some head trash clearance already. You remember? We did some a couple of years back”.

And immediately I realised that I had not explained things clearly enough to him back then. So here goes....

If you want to be get fit, then we all know that exercise and diet is a big part of that.

Now let’s imagine that a couple of years ago, you decided that you wanted to get fit. And, for about a month you went to the gym three times a week and did some serious juicing. At the time, you noticed a difference and you were really pleased with yourself. But the juicing and the exercise did not remain a part of your lifestyle.

So today, you find yourself thinking “hmmm I could really do with losing a bit of weigh and becoming healthier. I should probably get back to exercise and eating better”. You probably wouldn’t think “well, I exercised for a bit two years back, I’m not quite sure what to do now.”.

You wouldn’t would you?

It’s fairly obvious that the reason you’re out of shape now is BECAUSE you didn’t maintain the healthy activities.

The same goes for the mind and our emotional wellbeing. You can’t expect to be in good emotional health if you don’t undertake a regular practice.

Head trash clearance is like cutting the sugar and fat from your diet. It’s getting rid of the stuff you don’t need and that no longer serves you. This is the toxic emotional stuff that drags you down and makes you feel crap.

Now, as with exercise, this might need to start with a short period of intense activity. I call these Head Trash Clear-Outs and I LOVE doing them with people.

It’s a bit like hiring a personal trainer and a nutritionist for a month. You go all-in to make some epic in-roads. Then, like exercise, once you get to your ideal weight (or whatever the short term goal was), you take your foot off the pedal. But you don’t stop. You simply carry on at a more manageable pace that’s sustainable. When it fits around your life and feels effortless, it’s more likely to be maintained. The same goes for head trash clearance.

Our mind and bodies are connected, so it makes sense that if we are striving to be healthy that we have a regular routine for our minds and our bodies. We wouldn't expect our body to be healthy without a consistent focus, and this is why a focus on mindset should be a practice too.

If you feel like you’re in a bit of a mess emotionally then you might want to start with a Head Trash Clear-Out. This will help you to get rid of those long-standing patterns that are triggering the the stress and anxiety in your life. With those out the way, you’ll feel calmer and you’ll probably notice that your confidence soars too.

Having a head trash clearance burst like that also means that clearing head trash will come second nature to you, so when you notice new stuff popping up, you can get it sorted. Not only will you be able to spot it before it causes you too much angst, but you’ll be able to get rid of it quickly. This means it’s less likely to have too much of an impact on your life.

This will depend on where you're at emotionally and what’s going on in your life. And of course, how serious you take this aspect of your life. Just like exercise, there are some who get up everyday at 5am to spend an hour in the gym, and there are others who go for a short run 3 times a week.

Where this differs to exercise is when there is stuff happening in your life that you’re struggling with. Things like a new job, a relationship breakdown or moving house can easily ramp up anxiety and stress or highlight aspects of yourself that you’d previously been unaware of.

When I moved countries with the family, I hit so many new levels of fear and uncertainty that I needed crank up my head trash clearance quite a bit f...