The Family Podcast

Tithing isn’t mandated by the New Testament, but Christians should be good stewards of their money by giving regularly, proportionately, and sacrificially.

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The Unveiling Mormonism podcast pulls back the curtain on Mormon history, culture and doctrine. Join us for new episodes every Monday.

Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/mormonism.

Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.

Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.

Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected].

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Tithing, the practice of giving 10% of your income to God, is a topic that Christians still talk about a lot. In the Old Testament, tithing is part of the Mosaic Law, but in the New Testament, people debate its place. Surprisingly, the word “tithe” (or its variations) only shows up four times in the New Testament. Before we dive into the New Testament, let’s quickly look at tithing in the Old Testament to understand what it tells us about the practice.

The Nebulous Nature of the Tithe in the Old Testament

In the Old Testament, the concept of the tithe is mentioned multiple times, but its exact application and scope were somewhat complex and varied. For example:

1. Levitical Tithe: Numbers 18:21-24 describes a tithe given to the Levites as compensation for their service in the Tabernacle. This tithe was based on agricultural produce and livestock, not monetary income.
2. Festival Tithe: Deuteronomy 14:22-27 outlines a tithe that was set aside for annual festivals. This tithe was consumed by the giver and their household in a celebratory feast before the Lord.
3. Charity Tithe: Deuteronomy 14:28-29 refers to a tithe given every third year to support the poor, including the foreigner, the fatherless, and the widow.

So, the “tithe” wasn’t a one-size-fits-all thing. It was actually a bunch of different obligations that served different purposes in ancient Israelite society. And guess what? It mostly applied to people who worked in farming, not to everyone who made money or had stuff. This is important to keep in mind when we think about how tithing might work in our modern world.

The Four Appearances of the Tithe in the New Testament

Now let’s dive into the four references to the tithe in the New Testament. Surprisingly, we never find Jesus or any New Testament author commanding us to tithe. Instead, the tithe serves as a cautionary tale, highlighting what NOT to do when it’s done with the wrong intentions.

1. Matthew 23:23

In Matthew 23:23, Jesus says to the Pharisees:

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill, and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former."

Jesus acknowledges the Pharisees’ strict tithing, even of garden herbs, but points out that they neglected more important things like justice, mercy, and faithfulness. He doesn’t say tithing is wrong, but he emphasizes the importance of having a pure heart and focusing on the bigger picture of living a godly life.

2. Luke 11:42

Luke’s Gospel includes a parallel to Matthew 23:23, where Jesus says:

"Woe to you Pharisees, because you give God a tenth of your mint, rue, and all other kinds of garden herbs, but you neglect justice and the love of God. You should have practiced the latter without leaving the former undone."

This passage echoes what Matthew said. The Pharisees were all about following the rules, especially about tithing, but they forgot to show God the love and justice that’s really important. Jesus said that just doing the right things on the outside, like tithing, isn’t enough.

3. Luke 18:12

In the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, the Pharisee boasts:

"I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get."

This part of the Pharisee’s prayer is super self-righteous, and it’s a total contrast to the humble tax collector. Jesus is pointing out that the Pharisee is being too proud and thinks he’s all righteous because he tithes. But tithing, like any spiritual practice, is pointless if you don’t have a humble and repentant heart.

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In today's episode Bryan and Tracy discuss "vulnerable narcissism" - a sense of superiority and inflated self importance in order to hide deep wounds of inferiority and fear of rejection. Like an addict, narcissists feed on the supply of affirmation and attention to feed their ego. When that ego is threatened, narcissists go on the attack in order to protect themselves from being “found out” or faced with the reality they fear most-they aren’t good enough.

Click here for the Boundaries series.

Five Things about Vulnerable Narcissism:

1. Core Features: Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by a combination of narcissistic traits and a tendency towards vulnerability and insecurity. Individuals with vulnerable narcissism may display self-centeredness, entitlement, and a constant need for validation and admiration, while also experiencing significant self-doubt, hypersensitivity to criticism, and feelings of shame or inadequacy.
2. Mask of Fragility: Vulnerable narcissists often present themselves as fragile and sensitive individuals who require special attention and care. They may appear modest or self-effacing on the surface, but underneath, they harbor a deep-seated need for constant affirmation and reassurance. This mask of fragility can be manipulative, as it elicits sympathy and support from others while maintaining a sense of superiority.
3. Avoidant Coping: Vulnerable narcissists employ various coping mechanisms to protect their fragile self-esteem. They may engage in avoidance strategies such as social withdrawal, passive-aggressive behavior, or excessive fantasizing to shield themselves from potential threats to their self-image. These individuals may struggle with criticism or failure, often perceiving them as personal attacks rather than opportunities for growth.
4. Covert Grandiosity: Unlike the overt grandiosity commonly associated with classic or grandiose narcissism, vulnerable narcissists manifest their grandiose fantasies and desires in a more covert manner. They may engage in daydreaming, idealizing others, or seeking special treatment while downplaying their own accomplishments or achievements. This covert grandiosity serves to preserve their fragile self-esteem and maintain a sense of superiority without drawing attention to themselves.
5. Relationship Dynamics: In interpersonal relationships, vulnerable narcissists often seek out individuals who can provide them with the constant validation they crave. They may become dependent on others for emotional support and have difficulty empathizing with their partner's needs. This can lead to a cycle of idealization and devaluation, as vulnerable narcissists oscillate between adoration and resentment when their expectations are not met. Ultimately, these relationship dynamics can be challenging and emotionally draining for both parties involved.

Every kid – even the most challenging ones – need and deserve affirmation.

The Power of Words

• Think about things people have said to you-both positive and negative things. How did those words impact you?
• Our words have power. We need to use them wisely in every relationship, but especially with our kids.
• Q1. Describe the “love” climate in your home growing up (affectionate/affirming or cold/distant?) How have those family dynamics affected the way you express love to your kids?

Talking Points:

God the Father spoke publicly about the Son twice in the gospel of Matthew. Both times it was to affirm him.

• Matthew 3:17 And a voice from heaven said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.”
• Matthew 17:5 But even as he spoke, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy. Listen to him.”

If the perfect Son of God received words of affirmation from his Father, how much more do our imperfect kids need affirmation from their parents? Ephesians 6:4, Proverbs 16:24, Ephesians 4:32

• 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
• 24 Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.
• 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Every kid – even the most challenging ones – need and deserve affirmation.

In our last principle, we learned about the importance of loving discipline. But we need to be careful that we don’t stay constantly in the state of correction with our kids. They need positive interactions as well. They need to hear affirming things about who they are. As parents, we need to pull ourselves out of “critical” mode focusing only on the things we want to change in our kids and spend time celebrating how God created them as special, unique humans who sometimes drive us crazy!

Remember the 3 B's:

• Be intentional.
• Be authentic.
• Be unique.

Q5. What does it look like for you to be intentional with affirmation moving forward? Identify three unique traits for each of your kids that you will work to affirm more.

Use the 3 T's of Praise:

• Talk: use your words to speak love and praise over your kids.
• Time: spend time with your kids and show them that they are a priority to you.
• Touch: show affection to your kids.

Q8. Are you familiar with the 5 love languages? What would you guess is your kid’s language? How can knowing their language help you to love them more?

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend are well-known authors and psychologists who have written extensively about boundaries and personal growth. They have outlined ten laws of boundaries to help individuals establish and maintain healthy relationships. Here is a summary of those laws (Chapter 5 in their book):

Law #1: The Law of Sowing and Reaping

The Law of Sowing and Reaping states that you reap what you sow. In other words, the choices you make today will have consequences in the future. If you sow healthy boundaries today, you'll reap the benefits of those boundaries in the future. Don’t be codependent and protect people from the consequences of their choices.

• Galatians 6:7 Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. 8 Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.

Law #2: The Law of Responsibility

The Law of Responsibility states that you're responsible for your own life and well-being. This means that you're responsible for setting and maintaining your own boundaries. “Love one another, don’t be on another.” We can’t make someone else change.

Law #3: The Law of Power

The Law of Power states that you have the power to control your own life and set your own boundaries. You don't have to let others control you or dictate your choices.

Law #4: The Law of Respect

The Law of Respect states that you should respect the boundaries of others, just as you want them to respect your boundaries. This means that you should be mindful of other people's needs and feelings when setting your own boundaries.

• Matt 7:12 Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.

Law #5: The Law of Motivation

The Law of Motivation states that your boundaries should be motivated by love, not fear or anger. When you set boundaries out of fear or anger, they're less likely to be effective in the long run. Can’t be motivated by fear of rejection or hurting someone’s feelings with your boundaries. “Freedom first. Service second”. Some people give and give trying to stay in the good graces of others. It just doesn’t work over time. You grow resentful.

Law #6: The Law of Evaluation

The Law of Evaluation states that you should regularly evaluate your boundaries to make sure they're still serving you. Boundaries should be flexible and adaptable, not rigid and unchanging.

• Eph 4:15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.

Law #7: The Law of Proactivity

The Law of Proactivity states that you should be proactive in setting your own boundaries, rather than waiting for others to set them for you. This means taking ownership of your life and being assertive when necessary.

Law #8: The Law of Envy

The Law of Envy states that you shouldn't compare yourself to others or envy their boundaries. Everyone's situation is unique, and what works for someone else may not work for you. Rather than wasting energy on wishing you had what someone else has, be proactive and make the changes necessary to have those things.

Law #9: The Law of Activity

The Law of Activity states that you should be actively working to establish and maintain your boundaries. Boundaries require effort and attention to be effective.

• 2 Tim 1:17 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Law #10: The Law of Exposure

The Law of Exposure states that you should be open and honest about your boundaries with others. This means communicating your needs and expectations clearly and respectfully.

Mentioned in this episode:

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In this episode, Tracy explores a powerful concept that can shape the way you view your marriage—for better or worse. She discusses Positive and Negative Sentiment Override, a mindset that influences whether you focus on the qualities you love and respect in your spouse or dwell on the things that frustrate or hurt you. Your perspective can either foster a thriving, joyful relationship or lead to a cycle of negativity and despair.

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The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two.

Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.

Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.

Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.

Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected].

Donate Now

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