What they don't tell you before divorce (but they should)!
10/01/24 • 39 min
Do you ever wish you had a time machine to go back and give yourself advice before starting your divorce journey? In this episode, we share valuable insights and tips from listeners who have gone through it all. Together, we will break down some of the most important things people wish they had known before starting the process, from not rushing into decisions to custody issues. They also discuss some of the key mistakes to avoid, especially in high-conflict or narcissistic divorces. Whether you’re just starting out or deep into the process, this episode will offer practical advice to help guide you through your divorce with more confidence and clarity.
Listen to This Episode If You:
❓ Wonder how to gather the right information and evidence to protect yourself.
💡 Need to understand the importance of not rushing into decisions or being pressured by others.
🛡 Are navigating a high-conflict divorce and need strategies to protect yourself from manipulation.
📚 Want to learn how to create a strategy and stay organized during the divorce process.
🌟 Are at the beginning of your divorce and want advice on how to avoid common mistakes.
Key Ideas Discussed in This Episode:
Don’t Rush: Take your time to gather all your information before making any major decisions. Avoid being pressured into rushing through the process.
Collect and Organise Your Information: Get all your documents and information together before starting the legal process to avoid mistakes and delays.
Parenting Plans: Don’t force your children into uncomfortable situations—especially when the other parent may not be interested in the relationship.
Look Out for Hidden Assets: Learn how to identify secret bank accounts and other financial manipulations that may arise during a divorce.
Get a Lawyer Who Understands Narcissistic Behaviour: Make sure your lawyer knows how to handle high-conflict individuals who use manipulative tactics.
Court Orders for Sole Occupancy: Understand how to get your ex out of the house if needed, and the risks involved.
Don’t Settle Too Quickly: Take your time to evaluate any settlement offers and don’t let anyone pressure you into accepting less than what is fair.
Protect Your Mental Health: Treat the divorce process like a part-time job—don’t let it consume your entire life.
Links & Resources Mentioned in the Podcast:
Related Episodes:
How to Document Coercive Control - Communicating Coercive Control in Documents / Ep. 161
Record Keeping: Protecting Yourself
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4tNrLiwyDO07jnbzNVxe4m?si=OPR9iwTzQKOKc2HOHvcH-Q
Divorce Delay Tactics https://open.spotify.com/episode/2st3qxvJByN981xqZgPRIR?si=l0LL9935S0GAQ6Wx2qJhIg
Disclosure Dilemas Overcoming Disclosure Dilemmas: Your Path to Divorce Victory / Ep. 148
Divorce Budgeting 101: Understanding Legal Fees & Six Simple Saving Strategies / Ep. 119
Free Resources:
Property Settlement Checklist www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
Divorce Documentation Guide www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
Emergency Contacts:
WOMEN'S SHELTER SERVICE
LEGAL AID
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978
Kids Help Line: 1800 551 800
Aboriginal Family Domestic Violence Hotline: 1800 019 123
Relationships Australia
Police: 000
DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811 (24 hours, 7 days a week)
DV Connect Mensline: 1800 600 636
National DV line: 1800 737 732 (1800 RESPECT)
Thank you for listening to this episode. We hope these listener-shared insights and practical advice will help guide you through your divorce journey. Remember, you are not alone, and taking the time to understand and plan will make all the difference. If you found this episode helpful, please rate, review, and subscribe. Stay strong and take care.
Disclaimer: This podcast episode provides general legal education for Australians and is not a substitute for legal advice. Every situation is different, and it is important to seek independent legal advice tailored to your specific circumstances.
Contents of this Video
00:00 Introduction: Navigating Divorce
01:25 Key Tip: Don't Rush
02:43 Gathering Information: Collate Your Documents
04:00 Children and Visitation and Custody: Complexities and Considerations
05:38 Property Settlement Financial Precautions: Secret Bank Accounts and Abuse
08:22 Legal Strategies: Understanding Narcissistic Tactics
08:56 Court Orders: Sole Occupancy and Safety Concerns
10:50 Disclosure Challenges: Waiting for Information
12:33 Settlement Tips: ...
Do you ever wish you had a time machine to go back and give yourself advice before starting your divorce journey? In this episode, we share valuable insights and tips from listeners who have gone through it all. Together, we will break down some of the most important things people wish they had known before starting the process, from not rushing into decisions to custody issues. They also discuss some of the key mistakes to avoid, especially in high-conflict or narcissistic divorces. Whether you’re just starting out or deep into the process, this episode will offer practical advice to help guide you through your divorce with more confidence and clarity.
Listen to This Episode If You:
❓ Wonder how to gather the right information and evidence to protect yourself.
💡 Need to understand the importance of not rushing into decisions or being pressured by others.
🛡 Are navigating a high-conflict divorce and need strategies to protect yourself from manipulation.
📚 Want to learn how to create a strategy and stay organized during the divorce process.
🌟 Are at the beginning of your divorce and want advice on how to avoid common mistakes.
Key Ideas Discussed in This Episode:
Don’t Rush: Take your time to gather all your information before making any major decisions. Avoid being pressured into rushing through the process.
Collect and Organise Your Information: Get all your documents and information together before starting the legal process to avoid mistakes and delays.
Parenting Plans: Don’t force your children into uncomfortable situations—especially when the other parent may not be interested in the relationship.
Look Out for Hidden Assets: Learn how to identify secret bank accounts and other financial manipulations that may arise during a divorce.
Get a Lawyer Who Understands Narcissistic Behaviour: Make sure your lawyer knows how to handle high-conflict individuals who use manipulative tactics.
Court Orders for Sole Occupancy: Understand how to get your ex out of the house if needed, and the risks involved.
Don’t Settle Too Quickly: Take your time to evaluate any settlement offers and don’t let anyone pressure you into accepting less than what is fair.
Protect Your Mental Health: Treat the divorce process like a part-time job—don’t let it consume your entire life.
Links & Resources Mentioned in the Podcast:
Related Episodes:
How to Document Coercive Control - Communicating Coercive Control in Documents / Ep. 161
Record Keeping: Protecting Yourself
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4tNrLiwyDO07jnbzNVxe4m?si=OPR9iwTzQKOKc2HOHvcH-Q
Divorce Delay Tactics https://open.spotify.com/episode/2st3qxvJByN981xqZgPRIR?si=l0LL9935S0GAQ6Wx2qJhIg
Disclosure Dilemas Overcoming Disclosure Dilemmas: Your Path to Divorce Victory / Ep. 148
Divorce Budgeting 101: Understanding Legal Fees & Six Simple Saving Strategies / Ep. 119
Free Resources:
Property Settlement Checklist www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
Divorce Documentation Guide www.thedivorcecourse.com.au
Emergency Contacts:
WOMEN'S SHELTER SERVICE
LEGAL AID
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978
Kids Help Line: 1800 551 800
Aboriginal Family Domestic Violence Hotline: 1800 019 123
Relationships Australia
Police: 000
DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811 (24 hours, 7 days a week)
DV Connect Mensline: 1800 600 636
National DV line: 1800 737 732 (1800 RESPECT)
Thank you for listening to this episode. We hope these listener-shared insights and practical advice will help guide you through your divorce journey. Remember, you are not alone, and taking the time to understand and plan will make all the difference. If you found this episode helpful, please rate, review, and subscribe. Stay strong and take care.
Disclaimer: This podcast episode provides general legal education for Australians and is not a substitute for legal advice. Every situation is different, and it is important to seek independent legal advice tailored to your specific circumstances.
Contents of this Video
00:00 Introduction: Navigating Divorce
01:25 Key Tip: Don't Rush
02:43 Gathering Information: Collate Your Documents
04:00 Children and Visitation and Custody: Complexities and Considerations
05:38 Property Settlement Financial Precautions: Secret Bank Accounts and Abuse
08:22 Legal Strategies: Understanding Narcissistic Tactics
08:56 Court Orders: Sole Occupancy and Safety Concerns
10:50 Disclosure Challenges: Waiting for Information
12:33 Settlement Tips: ...
Previous Episode
Age-Appropriate Parenting Plans or Orders: What You Need to Know for Toddlers to Teens & In-between
Listen to This Episode If You:
🌟 Are navigating a parenting plan or consent or court orders for children at different stages of development.
❓ Want to understand how the court views plans for babies and the differing age groups all the way to teenagers.
💡 Are trying to figure out how to create a flexible and adaptable parenting plan as your child grows.
🛡 Are dealing with high-conflict ex-partners and need strategies to protect your child's best interests.
📚 Want to learn more about how to handle special situations like breastfeeding, car seats, and school-related issues.
Are you overwhelmed by trying to come up with a fair parenting plan or consent order offer after separation or divorce? Wondering what will happen as they get older, or struggling to figure out what is what when it comes to the different age groups—toddlers, tweens, and teens and everything in-between. In this episode, we discuss the unique challenges and considerations for each stage of your child’s development when creating parenting plans and consent orders or asking for court orders. We discuss topics like the primary attachment theory for babies, navigating parenting plans for young children, and managing the evolving needs of primary school-aged kids and figuring out what to do with stubborn teenagers. Whether you’re in the early stages of separation or dealing with an ongoing custody battle, this episode provides valuable insights on how to approach parenting plans that truly serve the best interests of your children.
Key Ideas Discussed in This Episode:
- Primary Attachment for Babies: Why babies up to three years old typically benefit from staying with their primary caregiver, and how this impacts parenting plans and court orders.
- Navigating Consent Orders: How to create orders that take into account the evolving needs of your children as they grow from toddlers to teens.
- Transitioning to Overnights: Strategies for gradually increasing parenting time and handling situations where the non-primary caregiver hasn’t been involved.
- Primary School Age Considerations: Managing custody and parenting plans as children start school, including logistical challenges like packing bags and attending social events.
- Teenagers and Flexibility: How to adapt parenting plans for teens who want more independence, and what happens when they refuse to follow the existing custody arrangements.
- High-Conflict Co-Parenting: Dealing with manipulative and controlling ex-partners, and tips for creating clear, enforceable orders to protect your child’s well-being.
- Navigating Changing Court Views: Understanding the recent changes in the Family Law Act and how it affects shared parental responsibility and 50/50 time.
- Free Resources:
https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/divorcewebinarregistration (webinar)
https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/opt-in (before you go checklist)
https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/opt-in-4ab0c1ab-f43e-4db3-b49b-43c865aa8b1d (mediation checklist)
https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist (disclosure checklist)
Podcast Episode Timeline
00:00 Introduction to Parenting Plans
01:08 Understanding Parenting Plans for Babies
03:53 Challenges with Parenting Plans for Babies
13:56 Parenting Plans for Primary School Kids
17:56 Common Issues with Primary School Kids
21:56 Navigating Parenting Plans for Teens
22:55 Planning for Your Child's Future
23:41 Teenagers and Court Orders
24:13 Navigating Parental Breaches
25:44 Resources for Mediation and Disclosure
26:27 Mental Health and Teen Independence
27:32 Pressure on Children in Custody Cases
30:06 Handling Avoidant Parents
33:03 Dealing with High-Conflict Exes
33:51 The Importance of Detailed Orders
35:23 Co-Parenting with Manipulative Exes
38:13 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Emergency Contacts:- WOMEN'S SHELTER SERVICE
- LEGAL AID
- Lifeline: 13 11 14
- Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978
- Kids Help Line: 1800 551 800
- Aboriginal Family Domestic Violence Hotline: 1800 019 123
- Relationships Australia
- Police: 000
- DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811 (24 hours, 7 days a week)
- DV Connect Mensline: 1800 600 636
- National DV line: 1800 737 732 (1800 RESPECT)
Next Episode
Income, Expenses, and Savings During Divorce: What You Need to Know
What happens to your income, expenses and savings in the time between breaking up and official separation and getting final property orders? In this episode we take a look into what happens to your income, expenses, and savings during this in-between period. We discuss how the Family Court of Australia usually treats savings, the importance of documenting expenses, and how your wages may be considered.
Whether you’re squirrelling away savings, managing a joint account, or figuring out how to navigate expenses after separation, this episode provides crucial insights to help you protect yourself during property settlements. They also tackle the concept of "ad backs" and when they might apply. Please note that this is a general discussion and everyone’s situation is different so please do not make any legal decisions based on this podcast discussion, always see a lawyer who knows the full facts of your case before making any decisions.
Listen to This Episode If You:
🌟 Are confused about how savings are treated during the divorce process.
❓ Want to know how to manage expenses and income between separation and property settlement.
💡 Need to understand what happens to wages after separation.
🛡 Are unsure about how to protect yourself from your ex draining joint accounts or going on spending sprees.
📚 Want to learn how to document expenses and safeguard your assets in case of high-conflict situations.
Key Ideas Discussed in This Episode:
Savings and Property Settlements: How savings accumulated between separation and final property orders are sometimes handled.
Income and Wages Post-Separation: What can happen to your wages after separation and why it’s sometimes crucial to separate your accounts.
Reasonable Expenses: What the family court may consider as reasonable expenses during this period, from bills to childcare and beyond.
Ad Backs Explained: Understanding what an "ad back" is and how it might affect your settlement if your ex has spent joint money.
Documentation Is Key: The importance of tracking and documenting all financial transactions during the divorce process.
Handling Joint Accounts: Ways to protect yourself from joint accounts being drained and what you can do if this happens.
High-Conflict Tips: Strategies for protecting yourself financially when your ex is manipulative or controlling. Links & Resources Mentioned in the Podcast:
Related Episodes: Navigating the Mortgage Minefield in Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/4wPp... Help My Ex is spending all the money https://open.spotify.com/episode/32WS... Record Keeping: Protecting Yourself https://open.spotify.com/episode/4tNr... Protecting yourself from Darvo https://open.spotify.com/episode/0Jyf... Debt Episode
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