Who is in control of your life?

04/16/18 • 71 min

Already, we’ve gained so much awareness around what you fear, what you desire, where you’re dissatisfied in life, and the negative beliefs that are running you. It’s now time to get back in the driver’s seat.

Being the captain of your life means letting go of what no longer serves you. It means digging through layer upon layer of qualities we’ve adopted from other people – often from our parents – to get to the core truth of who we really are.

Whatever your parents were like – whether they were busy or attentive, allowing or controlling, expressive or repressed – they were doing the best they could. But they have negative traits they picked up from their parents too. And in the purity of your being as a baby, you may have sensed that something was wrong. Perhaps you felt their love was conditional, or that you were not enough or even unlovable.

Those beliefs have stayed with you all your life, and caused you, on a subconscious level, to act in ways that are simply not true to you. You feel like you have no control over what triggers you, and that you’ll never change.

But darling, you ARE in control. You CAN change.

Here’s how:

With love and compassion, start to notice the negative traits that are holding you back in life. Look at how these could be linked to your parents or carers – are you imitating them or rebelling against them?

This process is about separating from your parents and healthily claiming your life as your own.

Ready?

Here we go.

Step 1:
Look at the 10 areas of life we examined before. This time, write down the attitudes your Mum and Dad, or carers showed towards each area.

Physical Health/ Fitness
Money/ Finance
Relationships with Family/ Friends/ Colleagues
Relationship with Partner
Career/ Work
Spirituality/ Religion
Adventure
Learning
Contribution
Feelings/ Emotions

Step 2:
Now look at which attitudes you’ve adopted that are not serving you. Highlight the ones you share with your parents to some degree and the ones you rebel against.

Step 3:
Consider what you’ve been criticised for. Highlight anything that matches your parents’ behaviour. It’s hard to admit, I know. Be Daringly honest with yourself.

Step 4:
List out all the highlighted things separately and consider how they’ve been running your life. Witness them in action in your daily life.

Step 5:
Lastly, I want you to write freely about how you feel about this list. Get emotional here. If you could free yourself of your parents’ behaviours, who would you be?

Wow.

You have done SO much good work. I want to honour and congratulate you. You’re getting to the bottom of who you are NOT. Once you’ve cleared away these layers, you’ll shine that much brighter!

In this week’s video I give lots of examples that can help you with this process. Remember, you are not alone, so feel free to share your discoveries in the comments below or on Facebook.

Love you,

Katie xx
Founder of The School of Self Love

P.S. I am speaking with women who are serious about creating deep transformation in their lives. My group coaching programme – LIVE LOUDER – is about to start up again. We have run this programme several times with great success. If you would like to talk to me about whether it’s the right fit for you, please click here. Very limited spaces only available!

But darling, you ARE in control. You CAN change.

Here’s how:

This process is about separating from your parents and healthily claiming your life as your own.

Ready?

Here we go.

Step 1:
Look at the 10 areas of life we examined before. This time, write down the attitudes your Mum and Dad, or carers showed towards each area.

Step 2:
Now look at which attitudes you’ve adopted that are not serving you. Highlight the ones you share with your parents to some degree and the ones you rebel against.

Step 3:
Consider what you’ve been criticised for. Highlight anything that matches your parents’ behaviour. It’s hard to admit, I know. Be Daringly honest with yourself.

Step 4:
List out all the highlighted things separately and consider how they’ve been running your life. Witness them in action in your daily life.

Step 5:
Lastly, I want you to write freely about how you feel about this list. Get emotional here. If you could free yourself of your parents’ behaviours, who would you be?

Wow.

You have done SO much good work. I want to honour and congratulate you. You’re getting to the bottom of who you are NOT. Once you’ve cleared away these layers, you’ll shine that much brighter!

In this week’s video I give lots of examples that can help you with this process. Remember, you are not alone, so feel free to share your discoveries in the comments below or on Facebook.

Love you,

Katie xx
Founder of The School of Self Love

Previous Episode

Your truth can set you free

Week by week we are progressing swiftly through the Self-Love Affair process. I hope you are enjoying the weekly training videos!

So, how are you feeling about the vision you were invited to create last week? Does it make you tingle all over with excitement? Remember, you will be stretched and challenged with this work, so it’s important that your dreams are big enough to be worth the effort!

Now let’s move you to the next stage of this transformational process and take a look at what isn’t working for you. Let’s see how far your present reality is from the vision you just wrote – always, with compassion and love.

Let’s get uncomfortable and FEEL the dissatisfaction.

Dissatisfaction doesn’t have to be a negative thing. Think about it this way: your Spirit is designed to grow, right? Your Spirit is your inner guide, reminding you of your truth. So dissatisfaction is simply a signpost to growth.

So, what feels like a nightmare for you?

Where are you stuck?

Where do you feel annoyed, angry, disappointed, irritated, resentful, frustrated, restless, disapproving, disgusted, regretful or dismayed?

Let’s look at the same areas of life you wrote your vision around, and start to witness the distance between where you are now and where you want to be.

physical health / fitness
money / finance
relationships with family / friends / colleagues
relationship with partner
career / work
spirituality / religion
adventure
learning
contribution
feelings / emotions

When you look at each area of your life, do the following:

* Rate your dissatisfaction out of 10 (1 being very little, 10 being highly dissatisfied).
* Consider the impact the dissatisfaction is having on your life. How is dissatisfaction in one area of your life affecting other areas?
* What will your life look like if you do nothing about the dissatisfaction?
* Get emotionally involved with how your dissatisfaction really feels.

Well done!

Now answer the following questions:

1. Which area(s) of your life rated the highest?
2. Where are you feeling the impact the most?
3. Was the area that rated highest expected? Or was it a surprise?
4. If you think about what friends, family, colleagues mostly criticise you for, can you see any links to where you are experiencing dissatisfaction?
5. Did you have any physical reactions while doing this exercise?
6. What do you think are your biggest challenges – the things you would most like to change in your life?
7. How far are you from your conscious dream that you wrote about earlier? How does this make you feel?

Whatever you are feeling is ok. Just don’t give up!

Love you,

Katie xx
Founder of The School of Self Love

P.S. If you are interested to know more about the Self Love Affair Transformational Process and would like to speak to someone at the School of Self Love about how we can support you, click here. When you click on the link, you will be prompted to answer a few questions. Your answers are important as they help us decide which of our team members will be best for you to speak to.

Next Episode

It's time to cut the chord on self sabotage

Last week we explored the negative beliefs and behaviours you’ve adopted from others, usually from your parents. Most people are still energetically connected to their parents, whether they’re conscious of it or not.

You’ll notice it when you become a parent, and find yourself doing and saying things your parents did and said to you. It’s time to cut the invisible umbilical cord, and stand healthily separate from the generations that came before us, with forgiveness and compassion.

How?

These negative thought patterns have created negative emotional patterns that cause you to say and do things that are simply not you.

In order to free yourself from them, you must allow yourself to FEEL your emotions, instead of suppressing them and letting them fester. The only way to release an emotion is to feel it with your heart and express it physically with your body.

And I mean scream it out, bash it out, write it out… anything!

Scared?

I was, too.

It’s a Daring thing, to let go and become the emotional wreck you’ve spent so much effort trying not to be. But darling, trust me. This process is so liberating, it’s worth getting uncomfortable for.

We’ve set an intention to let go of this stuff and start creating a life we love.

So go get your boxing gloves girl, it’s time to release that inner tiger!

I want you to focus on a single fear-based thought or negative trait that you are FED UP with. DECIDE that you want to be free of it. Then:

DANCE!
Dance, jump and throw yourself about the room to some fiery tunes until you feel the intensity of the emotion connected with that trait dissipate.

RUN!
Imagine a couple of traits are glued to the bottom of each shoe, then run the crap out of them! Pump some angry music in your headphones to really fire you up!

SWIM!
Put those negative traits on your hands or feet. Every time they hit the water, imagine you are thumping the life out of the traits.

WRITE!
Hand-write about why you are so fed up with a trait. Yell and scream and swear – in writing. Scribble out your anger in thick black marker pen. Then burn it. Let it go. And like a phoenix, you are reborn!

BASH!
Get a bat or a rolling pin or even just your fists. Then imagine the named trait is on the pillow in front of you – and pulverize it. Yell out what you are not willing to put up with any more. Cry. Shout.

Whatever you do, keep at it until you feel you have fully let go of that belief or behaviour.

In this week’s Facebook Live I explain how to prepare for and get the most out of this process, so you are not acting like a lunatic for nothing. Make sure you watch it before you start!

Love you,

Katie xx
Founder of The School of Self Love