The Couples Expert

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast, with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 181 or our show. Today, Stuart talks about the difference in sexual desire.

We come together quite often with different types of libidos, but when we first get together and the passion is there. After a period of time, you settle in with your partner, and reality and the stresses of life hits. We then begin to realize that our libidos are just not the same, and the sexuality diminishes.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Difference between two different libidos [2:00]
• Come up with a sex number [3:00]
• Compromise by broadening your range of activities that are sexual [11:00]
• Talk about how things are going sexually for the two of you [13:00]
• If you have a higher sex drive, you should not take it personally if your partner has a lower libido drive [14:00]
• Do not be critical and negative about your partner [17:00]
• The cuddle hormone [18:10]
• Where is the compromise [20:20]
• Being comfortable with masterbation [21:30]
• You have to be really honest with one another [24:00]

Quote: “We can either jump on the trampoline, or we can just screw”

4 Tips when you have this sex drive difference:

1. Laughter; laugh about this, not make it as serious as it might feel.
2. Make the relationship the most important thing. You better have a relationship where your partner feels courted every day of your life. You need to stir up those romantic juices that quite often lead to more passion.
3. Instead of complaining about a “dry spell”, divert that sexual energy into other things. Allow your relationship to have ebbs and flows, and don’t let it get in the way of caring and loving of each other.
4. Your sex life is only one aspect of your relationship, and that the two of you, together, are going to make the caring and loving you have for one another more important than any sex act or pattern.

Thank you for spending part of your day with The Couples Experts. We hope you enjoyed the show and take away something meaningful to your relationship. Until next time stay connected!

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Annual Relationship Checkup: Sure, we get our vehicles serviced, have maintenance done on our homes, and see our local GP to make sure our bodies are in good working order, but sadly, we tend to neglect one of the most important things in our lives – the health of our relationship. https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at [email protected]

*Today’s podcast was inspired in part, by Jessica McCleese’s article on Coping with Different libidos, and Michelle Weiner’s Tips for Partner’s with Higher Sex Drives.

This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in January of 2017.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim. Stuart is discussing how to set realistic and meaningful relationship goals for the New Year. We all want to do better and be better and the New Year is the new beginning that many of us use as a jumping off point for furthering our goals. The Couples Experts would like to thank you for a great 2018. Take a listen while Stuart discusses some ideas for 2019.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Why we set goals instead of resolutions –[12:20]
• Goals are promises you make to yourself –[15:00]
• How to follow up and check in with your partner regularly –[16:18]
• What you should include in your goal lists –[21:15]
• Some important suggestions for your growth as a couple. –[32:00]
• Share your lists and compare together –[33:50]

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too! https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at [email protected]

Welcome to our encore presentation of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This episode originally aired in March of 2017.

This is episode 176 of our show. Stuart’s guest on the show is Marisa Cohen, A professor at St. Francis College in Brooklyn, NY and the Director of the Self-awareness and Bonding Lab. Marisa is an expert in gender differences and science of relationships. Stuart and Marisa will be discussing how online dating impacts couples and what is the possibility that online dating can lead to marriage?

Thanks for tuning into The Couples Expert Podcast!

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Why Marisa changed her focus to relationships in school [3:49]
• Attachment theory IS science- based [5:27]
• How online dating impacts relationships and marriage [6:43]
• What men and women lie about on online dating sites [11:45]
• Online dating sites gives socially awkward people a chance to meet people [14:09]
• People can feel free to be more authentic when communicating online [19:38]
• Marisa’s book and work in the lab on the science of relationships [21:40]

Understanding yourself is crucial to finding a partner you’re compatible with. Opposites don’t really attract, so who does? Marisa’s app covers the questions you need to be asking a potential partner when you’re in the “getting to know you“ phase of the relationship. These are questions about money, pets, religion, etc. The deep stuff that is going to tell you if this is truly someone you want to pursue a relationship with. Getting to forever is about how you communicate with each other.

We want to thank Marisa Cohen for being on the show and for the work she’s doing in New York. We’d also like to thank you for taking part of your day to spend with The Couples Expert.

Giveaway: Chapter of the book From First Kiss to Forever giveaway from Marisa Cohen for all the listeners.

Stay tuned next week for another encore performance of the podcast while Stuart enjoys his much-needed and well-deserved vacation.

Until then, stay connected

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too! https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at [email protected]

Welcome to our encore presentation of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This episode originally aired in September of 2016.

This is episode 174 of our show. Stuart’s guest today is Alicia Taverner. Alicia is a MFT therapist in CA working with people on trust issues and helping women find the calm within the storms in their lives. Alicia and Stuart are discussing infidelity from a female perspective. Thanks for listening.

Stuart talks a bit about his passion for the work that he does and gives a run down on his past occupations and how he ended up as The Couples Expert.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• Introduction to Alicia and how she became a therapist 7:31
• You can’t go back after an affair, you must start over 11:05
• The differences Stuart has with an attachment theory approach 15:35
• Therapy digs deeper to a place of vulnerability 19:25
• How can you know infidelity won’t happen again? 22:30
• Affairs are not simply sexual 24:03
• Where the apology comes in 30:35
• That moment where the couple believes they can go on together 34:32

Doing therapy work (done the right way) causes personal growth on the part of the therapist. It’s wonderful to know that our counselors can grow in empathy and caring through the work they do with others.

Thank you again to Alicia Taverner for this great interview. Thank you to all the listeners who took time out of your day to listen to The Couples Expert. Tune in next week for another great encore presentation of The Couples Expert. Until then, stay connected!

In this encore episode of The Couples Expert Podcast, Stuart is discussing a troubling topic today; infidelity.

All of Stuart’s work centers around creating and maintaining healthy couple relationships. He believes that this is truly the cornerstone of a healthy society as a whole. Healthy relationships passed down from parents who model them for their children create generations of healthy relationships and a healthier society overall. Infidelity, whether it be sexual, emotional or even financial in nature, breaks down the connection and the trust that’s needed to keep the relationship healthy and happy. It’s his belief that infidelity causes some of the most severe relationship injuries that exist.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Infidelity destroys families and destroys connections [4:03]
• Infidelity creates personal emotional trauma [10:20]
• Men and women approach infidelity differently [14:22]
• Strip clubs, massage parlors and prostitution are a factor [16:24]
• Reasons why men cheat [18:05]
• Women have different reasons to cheat [22:02]
• A return to attachment is needed [23:03]