Cancer in your face

Have you noticed when you or someone you know buys a new car you start seeing that care everywhere? Or maybe that color care shows up everywhere and even though you know that car or color existed before you never noticed it until then?

That’s how it was with cancer after my husband was diagnosed.

Once we found out he had cancer everything around us had to do with cancer.

It was as if the universe said - oh, now they know - so now their life feed will be 100% cancer messaging.

It was everywhere we went to try to relax!

Every time we watched TV it felt like every commercial was about cancer.

Cancer treatments

Cancer studies

Cancer marathons

Cancer telethons.

It was cancer season on tv.

Characters on tv shows we liked watching got cancer.

Famous people seemed to be getting cancer diagnoses left and right.

It felt like it was all around us!

I’m sure it wasn’t any more than it had been before but it was like buying a white car and then only noticing white cars.

I remember going to an action movie, which felt safe to do, there was no mention of cancer so we didn’t even think about that being part of the story but of course it was there.

What I feel was a pivotal moment was when we went to a comedy club and the comedian started telling cancer jokes. There were maybe two jokes but they stung.

My husband was sitting across from me and we both looked at each other and that was when we could have decided to go into so many directions at that moment.

We could have just started to cry and break down right there. Finally succumbing to what felt like the universe just continuing to throw cancer in our faces.

We could have gotten indignant and mad and left in the middle of the set in a huff. OR worse yet taken it out on the comedian and heckle him.

We could have not looked at each other and ignored it altogether.

We didn’t do any of that though.

We looked at each other and we laughed.

Not at the comedian. Not at the joke but at the fact that we just couldn’t get away from it.

It was a shared connection between the two of us. We both communicated through the look on our faces and were just so connected in that moment that we both knew what we needed to do.

Out of all the emotions I could have thought back at, this the one that has stayed with me is how warm and loved it makes me feel.

I don’t remember how loud it was or the people we were sitting next to. I vaguely remember the club we were at or who the comedian was.

What I remember is how good it feels to recollect the connection we had. The look we gave each other that said it all without saying it. The shared experience while coming to the topic from two different angles. At that moment we were in it together equally. It was us against the world that apparently wanted to throw cancer in our faces until something happened.

And it did.

We decided that it wasn’t going to break us.

That we were going to do this together and somehow we were going to get through to the other side of it.

Things didn’t get easier after that but it was as if that moment planted a seed of strength in both of us that helped us get through the next phase of his cancer treatment.

We both chose to be positive that night. There are so many different ways to respond to the world but we knew that at that moment the best way for us to move forward was to find a way through together.

And after that, cancer stopped showing up everywhere.

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