Pride and Fear of Asking for Help

07/14/20 • 46 min

Do you have a problem asking for help or support? Does it feel shameful to ask? Do you feel like you’ll be looked down on if you do?
Here’s the thing... EVERYone needs help to move forward and grow sometimes. Whether it’s in business or life and there is NO shame in asking for it.
In reality there is always someone out there that knows more than you and can teach you something that will help you. (In return it’s your job to do the same thing for someone else. Pay it forward baby!)
Humans are meant to be a part of a community, connect with one another and lift each other up. Not spend all of their time alone and only looking out for #1.
This week on The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks and Mike Koenigs are talking about pride, fear of asking for help and not feeling like you're far enough along. It’s something they think everyone's dealt with at some point in their lives as both of them still struggle with it sometimes.
Another really, REALLY cool topic they get into on this episode is epigenetic trauma and how it manifests, plus Gay’s love of gold, (where that came from and why he's still stuck on it) AND you get to hear a couple of celebrity stories from Gay (who’s had the good fortune of working with plenty of celebrities who had reached their upper limits with worthiness and what he did to get them through those difficult situations.)
One wonderful story is about Bonnie Raitt. A lot of people don't realize this about Bonnie, but for many, many years before she broke through into the national fame she has now, she was a club performer. She mostly played blues, worked a very small niche and always had plenty of work.
Then suddenly there was this moment where she became a national star. But just before she reached that level of fame she did something interesting. She asked for support telepathically. She visualized herself standing in front of the audience at the Grammys, thanking specific people for their help and their support. She started with an expression of gratitude for the support she was going to receive.
She kept working with that visualisation and suddenly... BOOM. You can't prove whether these things are directly responsible but there’s no arguing with the fact that not long after that, she was getting massive support from Capitol Records and has gone on to win over 14 Grammys.
The fear of asking for help and support sometimes starts with just sending out this message to the universe getting REALLY specific and visualizing yourself at that place.
One really important thing you have to ask yourself if you're not getting the support you want, is "why am I putting out a message that says, don't support me? Why would I be broadcasting to the world that I'm not interested in support?"
A lot of times you can go underneath that old programming but even if there's no good reason for it, just opening yourself up and saying, "okay, I am now available for support. I'm now willing to be supported, and then begin to look at how you receive it or repel it."
You're either defining your life through receiving support or defending against support because the universe is falling all over itself trying to support you, if you'll just let it know you're supportable.
The secret is... are you willing to receive all that the universe wants to give to you and are you open to receiving more than you could possibly contain in your vessel? Are you willing to receive it even if you don't think you deserve it?
The “I don't think I deserve it” thinking is part of one of those old upper-limit programs that gets installed in us early on.
Tune in to this episode to learn how to dismantle your old programming for good and open up to support and incredible growth, PLUS more fun celebrity stories!

Previous Episode

How To Get Un-Stuck

Do you feel STUCK in your life, business or relationships?
What does it REALLY mean to be stuck?
What if FEAR was actually the source of your stuckness?
What if you had a super simple map that could help you get out of the fear and “stuck” mode SUPER quickly?
On this episode of The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks and Mike Koenigs get into four types of fear, what they mean and how they keep you in that cyclical, stuck mode.
They’ll also dive deep into the types of being stuck you could be, (one of the most challenging being business-partner stuck, which is a combination of relationship, business and money) AND they’ll share a very practical map that Gay has developed over the last 30-40 years of consulting his massively stuck clients to help them get UN-STUCK.
You'll also learn what Gay calls a “10-second miracle,” which is something you can do in 10-seconds to get things unstuck and moving again. (This is the result of his $25,000 question.)
Something Mike's noticed with a lot of people he's worked with, especially those in their reinvention stages, who have had massive financial and business success, is that they'd rather be stuck than deal with the fear of not being as good as they once were or being compared to others.
One example is Eddie Murphy. (There's a lot of conversation about him right now.) He was at the top of his career, left to have a family, made a bunch of rotten movies and a ton of money but now he's out doing stand-up again. He's been open about the fact that he wishes he would never have stopped stand-up because it's so hard and now he's going to be compared to the way he was at the height of his career.
That's one side of this but the other side is people who are stuck in a place where they just don't pull the trigger. They'd rather stay in a place of confusion, overwhelm, and not going anywhere. We've seen this over and over again from a professional perspective.
Usually what you feel stuck about is not actually what you think you feel stuck about.
A lot of times what you have to do first is simply acknowledge that you're stuck and that's hard to do for a lot of people but it's VERY important. Oftentimes, when you're feeling stuck it's because there are old programs running from way back, one of which is, “I don't deserve to be here.” A lot of people when they're feeling stuck, haven't really chosen to be here.
When you choose to be here that means you're open for business 24 hours a day to whatever needs your attention. A lot of people aren't willing to make that kind of commitment. They'd rather stay in a kind of a low, low grade mediocrity all the time.
Gay recalls an experience he had with a client a few years back who was really stuck. The client was really depressed because things hadn't been going well. He was classically stuck to the point where his voice even sounded slowed down.
Gay talked to him for a while, just listening. When he asked if Gay had any suggestions to help, this is what he said. “On your way home today, were you thinking about everything that’s going wrong?” The client said he had been thinking about all of it for the last couple of days and that's why he called because he couldn't figure out a way to get unstuck.
Gay asked there was anything else that caught his attention on his way home. The client thought it was odd that he asked because when he was coming up to his condo he passed an elderly lady that he knew and lived below him. He noticed that her front porch was cluttered with leaves and it occurred to him he could clean it off, then he forgot about it.
Gay told him to go down stairs right now, take your broom, clean it off, don’t tell her you’re doing it then come back up and talk to me. When he got back on the phone he sounded totally dif...

Next Episode

The Charisma Amplifier

Most people think that “charisma” is just something that you’re born with. It’s not something that can be taught.
That’s where you’d be wrong... Charisma CAN be a learneed skill!
But how do you develop it? What do you have to let go of in order to open up to the kind of charisma that makes people really want to be around you, even if you’re not there?
That's precisley what Gay Hendricks and Mike Koenigs are talking about this week on The Big Leap. They’re also going to cover something they are both super interested in and that’s how you can turn ON your charisma for the stage, meetings, video, and sales all while remaining absolutely authentic and true to who you are.
And yessssss....this works virtually, on Zoom, Skype or whatever your favorite virtualized platform is...
Understand that all the world's a stage and you have to become an embodied being and great entertainer if you want to influence people and create massive impact.
They’ll give you some very fundamental principles and share some great stories from their professional and personal lives, plus Gay and Mike discuss who they think some of the most charismatic people that have ever lived and deconstruct their core character attributes.
Gay and Mike are both super fascinated and interested in the idea of “celebrity” and people who have that “it factor.” You've heard it said many times before, when a famous actress or actor walks in, they suck the energy out of the room. You could feel them the moment they walk in. They’ve both witnessed it.
Our goal is to understand exactly what “IT” is and if it’s possible to cultivate and replicate it.
Mike knows how he can activate his and Gay definitely has the ability to charm and seduce as well. But how do you turn that special thing on? Cultivate, curate and express it?
“It Factor” has to do with not only what you're putting out into the world, but who you are inside.
Gay shared a great story about charisma about his good friend, Leonard. Leonard went to a party with his wife who is a nurse supervisor at a big hospital. They were going to meet a lot of people that his wife knew but he didn't. He made the decision ahead of time that instead of saying anything about himself at the party, he was going to listen to people and reflect back to them what they were saying. He put his attention on listening rather than talking.
He “actively listened” to person after person at the party. Somebody would be talking about something they were very enthusiastic about and he’d say “Tell me more!”
Here's the funny thing that happened. Leonard is not the most charismatic guy in the world. You wouldn't pick him out of the crowd but on Monday after the party people kept coming up to his wife at work and saying, “your husband... he really has something! He's so charismatic.”
This was all based on a conscious move that Leonard made. He was helping people reveal their magnificence rather than talking about his own magnificence and as a result, they then projected that back onto him.
The big question is... can charisma be taught? What do you have to do to learn that kind of thing?
In this episode you'll learn what you need to do to bring forward your natural charisma plus more of Gay and Mike's personal stories!