#32 Struggling to Orgasm? Here's the Solution with Vanessa Marin

Explicit content warning

01/28/19 • 37 min

4 Listeners

The Bad Girls Bible - Sex, Relationships, Dating, Love & Marriage Advice

On the show today we are joined by Vanessa Marin, who is a sex therapist specializing in helping women achieve orgasms. Through her work, in person and online, Vanessa has coached countless clients towards more fulfilling sex and a greater understanding of their bodies. In our conversation we cover Vanessa’s early desire to become a sex coach and the challenges that she faced on her journey towards her current status.

We then get into the nitty gritty of the big ‘O’, unpacking different types of desire, the dual control model, common myths on the subject and the helpful concept of curiosity. We also discuss sex toys, menopause, and some of the methods and resources that Vanessa offers.

Highlights

How Vanessa found herself in the job of orgasm coach.
The basis of Vanessa’s program for helping her clients.
The strong bond between desire and orgasm.
Differences between spontaneous and responsive desire.
An explanation of the dual control model.
Female orgasms are complex, how can we simplify it?
Where to start focussing your efforts when learning how to orgasm.
A few of the myths around female orgasm.
The courses, steps and guides that Vanessa offers on her website
Rethinking orgasm through the idea of curiosity.
The use of sex toys in this endeavour.
Menopause and orgasm and comparing different perspectives.
A more realistic idea of a healthy sex life for couples.
And much more!

Tweetables

“I always knew that female orgasm would be a hot topic in this area but I was definitely surprised by how many women were really desperately seeking some sort of solution.” — @VMTherapy [0:03:38.7]

“There’s a really powerful relationship between desire and orgasm and I think that a lot of women tend to neglect that relationship.” — @VMTherapy [0:07:50.3]

“I think it’s equally as important to think about what are the things that get in the way of me feeling desire.” — @VMTherapy [0:13:28.8]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Vanessa Marin — https://vmtherapy.com/

Brown University — https://www.brown.edu/

New York Times — https://www.nytimes.com/

Oprah — http://www.oprah.com/index.html

Real Simple — https://www.realsimple.com/

Finishing School — https://vmtherapy.com/how-to-orgasm/

Emily Nagoski — http://www.emilynagoski.com/

Come As You Are — https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22609341-come-as-you-are

Highlights

How Vanessa found herself in the job of orgasm coach.
The basis of Vanessa’s program for helping her clients.
The strong bond between desire and orgasm.
Differences between spontaneous and responsive desire.
An explanation of the dual control model.
Female orgasms are complex, how can we simplify it?
Where to start focussing your efforts when learning how to orgasm.
A few of the myths around female orgasm.
The courses, steps and guides that Vanessa offers on her website
Rethinking orgasm through the idea of curiosity.
The use of sex toys in this endeavour.
Menopause and orgasm and comparing different perspectives.
A more realistic idea of a healthy sex life for couples.
And much more!

Tweetables

“There’s a really powerful relationship between desire and orgasm and I think that a lot of women tend to neglect that relationship.” — @VMTherapy [0:07:50.3]

“I think it’s equally as important to think about what are the things that get in the way of me feeling desire.” — @VMTherapy [0:13:28.8]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Vanessa Marin — https://vmtherapy.com/

Brown University — https://www.brown.edu/

New York Times — https://www.nytimes.com/

Oprah — http://www.oprah.com/index.html

Real Simple — https://www.realsimple.com/

Finishing School — https://vmtherapy.com/how-to-orgasm/

Emily Nagoski — http://www.emilynagoski.com/

Come As You Are — https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22609341-come-as-you-are

Previous Episode

#31 How To Fix A Sexless Marriage & Reignite Fiery Passion with Laurie Watson

On today’s show we welcome Laurie Watson. Laurie is a Certified Sex Therapist and Licensed Couple’s Counselor and author of Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage . She is also the co-host of a podcast along with Dr. Adam Matthews called Foreplay: Radio Sex Therapy for Couples, designed to help couples keep it hot.

In clinical therapy, she has helped thousands of couples recover sexual passion and make love again in joyful, intimate, creative and exciting ways, sometimes even after years of sexless marriage. Inside this episode we dive into the topic of people wanting to reignite their passion and the desire that’s lost in a marriages or relationships. Laurie shares some incredible strategies to help you get back that fiery passion, today. We also diving into Laurie’s 444 Solution and getting your SEX confidence back!

Show Highlights

Laurie’s background and how she came to writing Wanting Sex Again.
How a good marriage becomes a sexless marriage.
The power struggle between the pursuer and the “distancer” in the relationship.
Examples of a pursuer and a distant person.
Understanding the concept of Attachment theory.
Detailed talkers versus bullet point talkers.
Importance of secure attachment.
Doing a self analysis to understand where you are at personally (and your relationship).
Laurie’s 444 Solution and how to use it in your relationship.
What birth control can do to a woman’s libido.
The Madonna Whore Syndrome.
Common issues affecting couples in their sex lives.
Getting your self confidence and body confidence back.
And so much more!

Tweetables

“Within two years of marriage, one third of all couples are sexless.” — @asklauriewatson [0:03:31.1]

“If there’s no big bang, there’s no big deal.” — @asklauriewatson [0:09:12.1]

“We need a talking avenue and we need a physical touching avenue to really have secure attachment.” — @asklauriewatson [0:15:53.1]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Laurie Watson — http://lauriewatson.com/

Laurie’s Website — https://awakeningscenter.org/

Laurie on Twitter — https://twitter.com/asklauriewatson

Laurie on Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/foreplayrst/

Laurie on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/foreplay_radiosextherapy/

Laurie on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurie-watson-436b551a/

Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage — https://www.amazon.com/Laurie-Watson-Wanting-Sex-Again/dp/B00G4GDCVI/

FOREPLAY: Radio Sex Therapy for Couples — http://foreplayrst.com/

Awakenings Center — https://awakeningscenter.org/

Love and Sex Quiz — https://awakeningscenter.org/love-sex-quiz/

Make Love Not Porn — makelovenotporn.tv

Next Episode

#33 Monster-In-Law & Cheating: A Listener Tells Her Story of Relationship Struggle and Success

Today we are doing something a little different, which I think you will find pretty interesting...Instead of our regular guest, I am talking to a listener of the Bad Girls Bible Podcast to bring you a whole new perspective to all things relationships, and real world experiences.

So in this episode we welcome listener, Paige, to talk about her relationships and the struggles she’s faced, including dealing with her difficult mother-in-law and even finding out her husband had been texting his ex! Paige then goes on to talk about how she came through these relationship struggles to be in a better, happier place.

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, there is a lot to learn from our conversation and hopefully some inspiration too, especially if you’re facing your own relationships struggles.

If you’d like to tell your relationship story on the podcast, shoot me an email to [email protected]

Highlights