#96 Inconsistency: A Powerful Tool With Strong-Willed Children

03/03/24 • 39 min

DESCRIPTION: So much of parenting is finding what works for you and your family, even if it means coloring outside the lines every now and then. Welcome to episode number 96 of The 3D Parent Podcast! Today, we're tackling a topic that might raise a few eyebrows: "Inconsistent Parenting.” We've all been told that consistency is the holy grail of effective discipline, right? But let's take a step back and really think about what consistency means in the context of parenting. We're not talking about your everyday routines like bedtime or mealtime (though those are important too!). No, we're diving deeper into those unpredictable moments where you've gotta think on your feet and make decisions that are best for your strong-willed child. Here are the main topics we’ll cover in this episode:

Necessary Consistency: Your Role: Being the “Nurturing Alpha”
Special Discipline Considerations when Parenting Strong-willed Kids
3 Strategies Which Leverage Inconsistency as an Effective Parenting Approach

Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of "The 3D Parent Podcast." If you found this content insightful, be sure to share it with fellow parents and caregivers. And don't forget to subscribe for more engaging and educational episodes on parenting!READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?:

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SHOWNOTES: In today's episode, we're flipping the script and taking a closer look at the concept of inconsistency in parenting. But don’t worry! We're not talking about throwing routines out the window. Those everyday rituals like bedtime, mealtime, and screen time– they're important for keeping the peace and giving our kids a sense of security. What we're talking about here are those moments when you find yourself making decisions based on your child's current needs.While traditional parenting wisdom often emphasizes consistency as the holy grail of effective discipline, those of us with spirited children know that it's not always that simple. Strong-willed children are characterized by their independence, determination, brightness, and spirited nature. They have a knack for pushing boundaries, questioning authority, and asserting their own opinions from a young age. While these traits can be challenging to navigate as parents, they also come with a host of positive attributes, such as resilience, creativity, and a strong sense of self. It's important to recognize that these children aren't being defiant or difficult on purpose – they're simply wired to march to the beat of their own drum. What Requires Consistency?
At the heart of effective parenting lies embodying the role of a "nurturing alpha" – a 3D Parent concept that emphasizes the importance of both relational attunement and sturdy leadership. For parents of strong-willed children, fostering a secure attachment becomes even more crucial as it provides an essential foundation for navigating the complexities of their spirited nature.

Research has consistently shown that children who feel securely attached to their caregivers exhibit fewer oppositional behaviors. This alone underscores the importance of investing time and effort into nurturing the relationship with our strong-willed children. By providing a safe haven for our children to express themselves, we can significantly decrease instances of defiance and opposition.

In addition to nurturing the attachment with our children, it's equally important to embrace the alpha aspect of the nurturing alpha role. This means consistently showing up as the strong leader of our children – guiding, teaching, and leading our children rather than coercing or attempting to control them.

One aspect of cons...

Necessary Consistency: Your Role: Being the “Nurturing Alpha”
Special Discipline Considerations when Parenting Strong-willed Kids
3 Strategies Which Leverage Inconsistency as an Effective Parenting Approach

For 3D Parent Coaching Services:

If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
Interested in Receiving 2 Free Parent Coaching Sessions? Become a Parent Coaching Guest on the podcast and receive 2 free parent coaching sessions, one to be recorded on my podcast and one private follow-up session. CLICK HERE to contact me about this opportunity and let's tackle your parenting concerns together.

CONNECT WITH ME:

Follow: The 3D Parent on Instagram
Follow: The 3D Parent on Facebook
Join: The 3D Parent Lounge Private Facebook Group
Email: Contact Me

One aspect of cons...

Previous Episode

#95 Easing Sibling Rivalry-Part 2

DESCRIPTION:

Welcome back to the continuation of our parent coaching session with Caitlin! If you missed part one, don't worry, you can catch up on episode number 94 where we delved into the challenges Caitlin is facing with her children.

In part one, we peeled back the layers to uncover what's driving the tension in Caitlin's household. We discussed how her oldest child's frustration and jealousy were manifesting in conflicts with his siblings, diving deep into the dynamics at play within the family unit.

Today, in part two, we're rolling up our sleeves and diving into solutions. From fostering individual connections with each child to effectively intervening in sibling squabbles, we'll tackle actionable steps to bring more harmony to Caitlin's family and yours.So, whether you're facing similar challenges or simply looking to enhance your parenting toolkit, I'm thrilled to have you here. So, without further ado, let's jump into part two of our parent coaching session!READY TO TAKE YOUR PARENTING TO THE NEXT LEVEL?

For 3D Parent Coaching Services:

If you're looking for personalized guidance and support, consider exploring my parent coaching services. Let's work together to tailor the 3D Parent Approach to your unique parenting journey. CLICK HERE to book a complimentary parent coach consultation call.
Interested in Receiving 2 Free Parent Coaching Sessions? Become a Parent Coaching Guest on the podcast and receive 2 free parent coaching sessions, one to be recorded on my podcast and one private follow-up session to check in and see how implementing the coaching strategies is going for you and your family. CLICK HERE to contact me about this opportunity and let's tackle your parenting concerns together. Your experience can inspire and support other parents facing similar struggles.

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Hey there, wonderful listeners! Thanks a ton for tuning in to Episode 94. I hope you've been enjoying the episode so far. Today's discussion dives deep into the world of sibling dynamics, exploring conflict resolution strategies and the art of repairing relationships. I recently had a fascinating conversation with Caitlin, where we unpacked various scenarios and effective approaches to fostering healthy sibling relationships. So, let's jump right in!Caitlin opened up about the sense of panic she feels when her kids are at odds with each other. It's a common experience for many parents. The urge to jump in and resolve the conflict immediately is strong, but often, our instincts lead us astray.

Instead, I introduced Caitlin to what I call the "3 Do's of Incident Management," a simple yet effective approach to handling sibling conflicts:

Do No Harm: The first step is for us, as parents, to ground ourselves and avoid reacting impulsively. This means taking a moment to breathe and remind ourselves not to escalate the situation. I suggest having a phrase like "do no harm" as a quick mantra to center ourselves in these moments.
Do Take Charge (of Circumstances): Rather than trying to control our kids' behaviors, which can often feel like herding cats, I advised Caitlin to focus on managing the circumstances surrounding the conflict. This might involve separating the children involved or removing the source of contention. By taking charge of the situation, we create space for everyone to cool down.
Do Circle Back Later: Once the immediate tension has subsided, it's essential to revisit the conflict with our kids. This is where the real work happens. We validate their feelings, encourage empathy, and work together to find solutions. By circling back later, we create an opportunity for repair and growth within the sibling relationship.

Guiding Children Through Repair:

Now, let's talk about how we guide our kids through the process of making amends after a fight. During the conversation with Caitlin, I emphasized the importance of first validating their feelings and encouraging empathy:

Validate Feelings: It's crucial to acknowledge and validate the emotions of each child involved without judgment or blame. Do so in private with just one child at a time. Create a safe space for honest communication by letting them know that their feelings are valid and understood.
Encourage Empathy: Next, we help our child see things from the other chi...

Next Episode

#97 Fears and Phobias with Cai Graham

DESCRIPTION:Do anxiety, fears and phobias just fade away with time? Hey there, fantastic parents and caregivers! 🌟 In this episode, we'll be chatting with an expert who's not just talking the talk but walking the walk in the world of fears, phobias, and anxiety, Cai Graham. An International Speaker, Best Selling Author, and Family Anxiety Support Specialist, is on a mission to empower teens and young adults to live happier, more confident lives using her background as Master Practitioner in Coaching and NLP & Timeline Therapy. “With a deep understanding of the unique struggles faced by teens and young adults, I offer expertise in various areas related to adolescent anxiety. From understanding and managing anxiety to building resilience and promoting self-care, I am equipped to address a range of topics that resonate with both teens and those who support them.”- Cai GrahamJoin us for a chat as we: 💬 Go through Cai’s personal journey that led her to become a trusted expert in supporting teens, young adults, and their parents.💬 Drawing from her expertise and experiences, she'll share practical strategies for parents to support their kids dealing with fears and phobias, giving them the tools to handle emotions and build resilience. 💬 Plus, she spills the beans on communication tips to connect with anxious kids and create a supportive home environment. Listen now to this empowering episode and equip yourself with the knowledge and tools to support your teens and young adults as they conquer their fears and phobias. Take the first step towards building a mentally healthier future for your children!CONNECT WITH THE 3D PARENT:

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Anxiety Workbook : Fearless & Free : A Step-by-Step Blueprint to Help Teens & Young Adults Conquer Anxiety

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SHOWNOTES:
Hello, wonderful listeners! I'm thrilled to have you join us for episode 97 of the 3D Parent Podcast. Today, I am joined by a special guest, Cai Graham, an international speaker, a best-selling author, and a podcaster herself. Talk about a powerhouse! Cai is a family anxiety support specialist with a laser focus on supporting teens, young adults, and their parents. Her mission? To build a mentally healthier and happier generation of young people. With a background as a master practitioner in coaching, NLP, and timeline therapy, plus her hands-on experience with Childline, the UK's leading child counseling charity, Cai's got the perfect combo of skills. Her focus is on empowering her clients with the tools they need to take charge of their thoughts and emotions. Cai knows the unique struggles faced by teens, and she's here to share her expertise. From understanding and managing anxiety to building resilience and promoting self-care, she's equipped to tackle it all. I sat down with Cai on this episode to ask her about her take on Fears and Phobias in kids and how parents help them navigate the tough moments when they crop up and how to help children build a toolbox of coping strategies.
What are fears and phobias?

First off, I asked Cai: What's the deal with fears and phobias? Where do they come from? Are they just cousins of anxiety, or is there more to the story?

So, according to Cai, fears and phobias are indeed related to anxiety, but they're not the same. Fears, she explained, are our natural response to a perceived threat. Our unconscious mind, in its wisdom, is constantly on high alert, a leftover survival instinct from the days of dodging saber-toothed tigers. Now, that was a legit threat, and our unconscious mind kept us safe from it.

But here's the twist – for many folks dealing with anxiety, that alert system doesn't shut down. It's like our unconscious mind is stuck in a perpetual “danger mode.” So, even in a safe space, like a classroom, it's still on the lookout, “getting its knickers in a twist,” to quote Cai, over potential threats that don't actually exist.

Now, phobias, on the other hand, is anxiety taken to the extreme. They're irrational and totally disproportionate to the actual threat. Cai brought up a great example with spiders. Some people, she explained, absolutely lose it when faced with a big eight-legged ...