Episode 5: Physical Abuse

Explicit content warning

12/13/22 • 14 min

What does physical abuse look like when you have no bruises to show as proof?
I've really had to grow my thought patterns around the topic of physical abuse. First I denied it. Then I excused it. Then I recognized it. Now I'm processing it. This is most commonly what my dialogue used to sound like:
1. But he never hit me.
2. It could be worse.
3. Other women are actually getting beat. I'm not, so it can't be that bad right?
Listen to find out what physical abuse looks like when it's not leaving bruises.
Resources:
No Visible Bruises by Rachel Louise Snyder
Articles by Sarah McDougal:
What Does Domestic Violence Actually Look Like?You Might Be In An Abusive Relationship If...*YouTube Playlist:
Systems of Abuse
Comprehensive Resource List:
Advocate+Survivor Resource List | WILD's Fave Everything

National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE

National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE

Previous Episode

Episode 4: Verbal Abuse

In this episode I share what verbal abuse is, what that looked like for me, and how different things are now compared to what I experienced. One of these times I’ll get the timing right so it doesn’t cut off. Still learning here.
Here’s the power and control wheel and red flags charts that I refer to in this episode. If you or a loved one are experiencing abuse, or even questioning if what you are experiencing is normal, I encourage you to check out these resources.
You Might Be In An Abusive Relationship If...*

Have you ever wondered if it's abuse or just... "Marriage is hard, right? Mine is Exhibit A!"

Next Episode

Episode 6: Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse. It's a beast. It's confusing. It's a mind fuck. Here are some indicators and what they sound like:
-does things, denies it later (GASLIGHTING)
("What do you mean? I didn't do that. You're remembering it wrong.")
-terrorizes, then acts like nothing happened
(Throws a big fit about this or that, throws things, intimidates, threatens, and then 10 minutes after the fight acts like everything is business as usual.)
-projects responsibility
("I wouldn't have to be so _____ if you weren't so _____." "I wouldn't drink if you weren't such a nag or the kids weren't so loud.")
-displays weapons to scare you
-convinces you they know better than you do
("That's not what happened. You know I have a better memory than you.")
-controls minute aspects of victim's life - food, fun, friend, etc.
(What to wear, hair color, who to talk to, when to be home, what to eat....)
-Threatens to hurt or kill themselves or others
(Also passive suicidal ideation when they feel hurt by you or others; "The world would be better without me. Nobody would miss me.")
Each one of these could really have their own episode, especially Gaslighting. That might be a future episode in itself, but if you're interested in what Gaslighting looks like you can find a perfect example in Disney's 'Tangled.' Mother Gothel is a pro and this YouTube video breaks it down perfectly.
Thanks for listening.
Here’s the power and control wheel and red flags charts that I reference in this and other episodes. If you or a loved one are experiencing abuse, or even questioning if what you are experiencing is normal, I encourage you to check out these resources.
You Might Be In An Abusive Relationship If...*