Listening and Emotional Regulation | Heather Holmgren | #105
11/04/24 • 40 min
Today Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with Heather Holmgren, a marriage and family therapist and founder of Simple Modern Therapy. Heather shares insights on emotional regulation, the essential skill of deep listening, and how to approach conflict with curiosity rather than reactivity. She explains the importance of self- awareness, emotional control, and co-regulation to help couples navigate difficult conversations. Heather provides actionable advice for slowing down during conflicts, truly hearing your partner, and fostering a healthy, supportive relationship.
About Heather:
Heather Holmgren, LMFT and founder of Simple Modern Therapy, has committed her 20-year career to understanding what makes a modern relationship thrive. Through it all she has found this much to be true: if you aren't happy with yourself, your intimate and professional relationships are likely to fail. She has built a flourishing career and flourishing practice helping contemporary individuals, relationships and families learn to love each other, “Love Yourself and Love Your Life."
She is one of eight incredible therapists providing support to individuals and relationships in downtown Salt Lake City (and Utah, virtually). All Simple Modern therapists have additional training and expertise in relationship work, as well as providing affirming care to LGBTQIA+ relationships.
Heather is passionate about professional mentorship and has supervised clinicians for the last ten years. She is a strong advocate for the practice of good mental hygiene, and can be found speaking on this topic, as well as relationship related issues on Good Things Utah, at Edison House and for corporations across the state. You can also find Heather, with her colleague Andrès Brown, providing training, support and consultation to the larger therapeutic community, expanding the reach of skilled and affirming inclusive relationship therapy.
Insights:
- Heather: "The more aware you are of where you are emotionally, what kind of outside stressors are impacting your mental health and mood can really be a big factor in how you're showing up in your relationships."
- Liz: "Just thinking about speaking of being generous and kind. I think listening is one of the more generous and kindest things that we can do."
- Dave: "I think it's when you're talking about the pause. I just think that there's a power in the pause. The power in the pause to be able to not react, to be able to gives us at least a chance, pause, take a breath, allow our hearts, our minds, our brains, to be able to okay, I'm going to reflect and respond instead of react right now."
Links:
https://www.instagram.com/simplemoderntherapy/?hl=en
https://www.facebook.com/SimpleModernTherapy
https://www.linkedin.com/company/simple-modern-therapy/
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Strongermarriage.org
Podcast.stongermarriage.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/
Dr. Dave Schramm:
Dr. Liz Hale:
http://www.drlizhale.com
Today Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale sit down with Heather Holmgren, a marriage and family therapist and founder of Simple Modern Therapy. Heather shares insights on emotional regulation, the essential skill of deep listening, and how to approach conflict with curiosity rather than reactivity. She explains the importance of self- awareness, emotional control, and co-regulation to help couples navigate difficult conversations. Heather provides actionable advice for slowing down during conflicts, truly hearing your partner, and fostering a healthy, supportive relationship.
About Heather:
Heather Holmgren, LMFT and founder of Simple Modern Therapy, has committed her 20-year career to understanding what makes a modern relationship thrive. Through it all she has found this much to be true: if you aren't happy with yourself, your intimate and professional relationships are likely to fail. She has built a flourishing career and flourishing practice helping contemporary individuals, relationships and families learn to love each other, “Love Yourself and Love Your Life."
She is one of eight incredible therapists providing support to individuals and relationships in downtown Salt Lake City (and Utah, virtually). All Simple Modern therapists have additional training and expertise in relationship work, as well as providing affirming care to LGBTQIA+ relationships.
Heather is passionate about professional mentorship and has supervised clinicians for the last ten years. She is a strong advocate for the practice of good mental hygiene, and can be found speaking on this topic, as well as relationship related issues on Good Things Utah, at Edison House and for corporations across the state. You can also find Heather, with her colleague Andrès Brown, providing training, support and consultation to the larger therapeutic community, expanding the reach of skilled and affirming inclusive relationship therapy.
Insights:
- Heather: "The more aware you are of where you are emotionally, what kind of outside stressors are impacting your mental health and mood can really be a big factor in how you're showing up in your relationships."
- Liz: "Just thinking about speaking of being generous and kind. I think listening is one of the more generous and kindest things that we can do."
- Dave: "I think it's when you're talking about the pause. I just think that there's a power in the pause. The power in the pause to be able to not react, to be able to gives us at least a chance, pause, take a breath, allow our hearts, our minds, our brains, to be able to okay, I'm going to reflect and respond instead of react right now."
Links:
https://www.instagram.com/simplemoderntherapy/?hl=en
https://www.facebook.com/SimpleModernTherapy
https://www.linkedin.com/company/simple-modern-therapy/
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Strongermarriage.org
Podcast.stongermarriage.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/
Dr. Dave Schramm:
Dr. Liz Hale:
http://www.drlizhale.com
Previous Episode
Love for Mental Illness | Andy Hogan | #104
Today we welcome licensed mental health counselor Andy Hogan, who shares his personal journey with mental illness and how it has influenced his work with others. Andy introduces his REACH acronym—a powerful tool designed to support both those living with mental illness and their loved ones. The discussion dives into the importance of love over fear in the healing journey, methods to recognize and manage symptoms, and ways to build empathy and connection. Learn how to better support mental health with compassion and understanding.
About Andy Hogan:
Andrew personally suffered a manic psychosis breakdown while serving a mission in Taiwan. He was tranquilized and woke up in a hospital in Provo. During a month-stay in the hospital, his high school sweetheart decided to end their relationship. They never talked about why, she just slowly made less and less contact and avoided him over a period of time. 3 years later, Andrew became so desperate for an answer, he proposed. She said, "I can't." This was his rock bottom moment, where the choice was either stop living or start to REACH.
REACH
1. Recognize the source of my symptoms.
2. Emerge from denial and isolation.
3. Authenticate self and mental illness.
4. Control the disorder as we are able.
5. Heighten our lives.
While learning to REACH, Andrew started dating again. On jod first date with Sariah who had also served a mission in Taiwan, he told her he was the one who went crazy on the island. She replied, "That was you?" She had served in a different mission over a year after his breakdown, but she had heard about the missionary who went crazy. After our date, Sariah talked to her parents who said, "If you decide to love him, we will love him too." They chose to give love for mental illness and Sariah courageously decided to keep dating me. Their marriage started as a choice for love instead of a reaction to fear of mental illness. Making that choice again and again for going-on 30 years now, is how REACH has made for happiness and growing connection in their relationship.
Insights:
- Andy: "the thing you can do to help someone with mental illness or to help yourself, if you're the one, if you recognize mental illness in yourself, the thing you can do is to face your fears and learn to love in your thoughts, in your beliefs and in your actions, and it works, it helps. Give love for mental illness."
- Liz: "I love this whole idea about fear really creates more pain, creates more separation, but that love and acceptance would create, that's what creates health and connection. They stuff that was really beautiful. I'm going to think differently about mental illness because of our time with you, Andy."
- Dave: "I love the reach acronym. Our illness doesn't define us. It is our feelings. All that we're struggling with doesn't define us."
Links:
https://www.youtube.com/@reachandyhogan
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Strongermarriage.org
Podcast.stongermarriage.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/
Dr. Dave Schramm:
Dr. Liz Hale:
http://www.drlizhale.com
Next Episode
Understanding Our Emotional Cycles | Jake Baczuk | #106
Today Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale are joined by therapist Jake Baczuk to explore the transformative concepts of the pain and peace cycles. Jake, a clinical manager and couples’ therapist, explains how negative patterns in behavior and communication create pain cycles that keep couples stuck in frustration and resentment. He introduces the peace cycle as a way to disrupt these patterns by focusing on understanding underlying emotions and unmet needs. Tune in to learn about the practical tools and techniques to foster empathy, self-reflection, and more peaceful responses in your relationships.
About Jake Baczuk:
Jake is a clinical manager for evolvedMD, an integrated behavioral health company that utilizes the Collaborative Care Model in Primary Care settings. Jake is passionate about this because they are creating access to mental and behavioral health to a population that would not otherwise receive help. It's amazing! He enjoys writing and playing music, playing softball, watching baseball, and spending time with his wife and three kids. He enjoys doing couples therapy and hope’s to start a small private practice in the near future.
Insights:
- Jake: "Recognize that we're all human beings that are going to make mistakes that we're not necessarily broken or wrong, because our love or trustworthiness was breached at some point in our life. And when we understand that human element of ourselves, then we have so many opportunities to move in directions that are healthy, whether it's individually or within our relationship or within our family or at work or anything like that."
- Liz: "I think whether we're partners or just individuals. We're powerful. So, as we look at the pain cycle or the peace cycle, I just think that there's probably a magic in the pause just to think, now wait a minute, where might that person be coming from? What's really going underneath their behavior? So, I love that. I love the reminder of that cycle."
- Dave: "...you talked about the boxes and learning not to react to your partner's behavior, but really respond to what's underneath, and that's the emotions. These needs are often deep and hidden, but if we can look past that and really see them and understand them, we may not agree with it, but to understand is powerful."
Links:
Jake Baczuk: Psychology Today Profile: https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/887887
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Strongermarriage.org
Podcast.stongermarriage.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/
Dr. Dave Schramm:
Dr. Liz Hale:
http://www.drlizhale.com
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