Leaving Mormonism:Putting the Bishop's Handbook on the Shelf
02/10/23 • 62 min
After thousands of hours of leadership training and tens of thousands of hours of committed service Jed and I independently left the Mormon religion. In this conversation, we evaluate how well/poorly we handled our exits. We both stumbled through uncharted waters, weighed down by guilt and shame. Disoriented and angry, we made many mistakes and damaged relationships with good people.
LISTEN to Jed's original episode "#112: Jed-- Deconstructing the House of Cards" or See his complete SHOW NOTES for this episode.
"There's definitely no section of the handbook on how to leave the church. Everything is designed to keep you in. You’re supposed to doubt your doubts, not question church policy. There was no soft landing getting out when it doesn't work anymore. So, yeah, you feel very isolated and alone."
Jed was a Mormon Bishop when he began asking hard questions about the religion he'd dedicated himself to his entire life.
This episode doesn't get into details about why we left organized religion. Instead, it focuses more on how we navigated that transition, in a word - poorly. But that's the whole point. Our lives are filled with transitions. Physically moving from one community to another. Mentally moving from one belief to another. Seeing the world through a broader or different perspective. Emotionally shifting between relationships. Changes of professions. We are constantly re-inventing ourselves in the search for authenticity.
These transitions are often confusing, emotionally draining, and almost always messy. Understanding that chaos can help us through our next shift. It can also help us find the grace and the space for helping others through their difficult transitions.
- Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-Star review and rating here!
- Financial contributions greatly appreciated!
- Join the conversation online at our Facebook Community Page with many of our listeners and guests.
- Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Linked-In, or TikTok.
- Email us at [email protected]
After thousands of hours of leadership training and tens of thousands of hours of committed service Jed and I independently left the Mormon religion. In this conversation, we evaluate how well/poorly we handled our exits. We both stumbled through uncharted waters, weighed down by guilt and shame. Disoriented and angry, we made many mistakes and damaged relationships with good people.
LISTEN to Jed's original episode "#112: Jed-- Deconstructing the House of Cards" or See his complete SHOW NOTES for this episode.
"There's definitely no section of the handbook on how to leave the church. Everything is designed to keep you in. You’re supposed to doubt your doubts, not question church policy. There was no soft landing getting out when it doesn't work anymore. So, yeah, you feel very isolated and alone."
Jed was a Mormon Bishop when he began asking hard questions about the religion he'd dedicated himself to his entire life.
This episode doesn't get into details about why we left organized religion. Instead, it focuses more on how we navigated that transition, in a word - poorly. But that's the whole point. Our lives are filled with transitions. Physically moving from one community to another. Mentally moving from one belief to another. Seeing the world through a broader or different perspective. Emotionally shifting between relationships. Changes of professions. We are constantly re-inventing ourselves in the search for authenticity.
These transitions are often confusing, emotionally draining, and almost always messy. Understanding that chaos can help us through our next shift. It can also help us find the grace and the space for helping others through their difficult transitions.
- Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-Star review and rating here!
- Financial contributions greatly appreciated!
- Join the conversation online at our Facebook Community Page with many of our listeners and guests.
- Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Linked-In, or TikTok.
- Email us at [email protected]
Previous Episode
#133 Dani Bates-Telling My 3-Yr-Old About Her Dad's Suicide
Do we have difficult conversations or allow the silence of suicide to create stigma, shame, and isolation?
Talking with her 3-year-old daughter about her father’s death by suicide was almost unthinkable. But to Dani Bates, a 29-year-old widow, not talking about it wasn’t even an option.
"I don't want ‘suicide’ to be a swear word for my children. I want them to be able to say it and be okay with it, just like if their dad died of cancer."
COMPLETE SHOW NOTES
We must normalize conversations about suicide. It is the best way to help those currently suffering and prevent future trauma. Suicide is the 2nd-highest cause of death among teens and 10th-highest cause of death for all adults in the U.S.
Dani Bates is a 33-year-old mother of three who lost her husband to suicide four years ago. She is an advocate for mental health awareness and is passionate about educating the younger generations on the importance of mental health.
After experiencing abandonment by being given up for adoption, getting divorced, and then her second husband’s death by suicide, Dani Bates shares important lessons that have helped her cope with mental health, suicide, and abandonment.
CW: This episode contains information about suicide.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of self-harm, there are ways to get help. Call or text 988 for free, confidential crisis counseling and referrals.
For more information or help visit - 988lifeline.org
- Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-Star review and rating here!
- Financial contributions greatly appreciated!
- Join the conversation online at our Facebook Community Page with many of our listeners and guests.
- Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Linked-In, or TikTok.
- Email us at [email protected]
Next Episode
#135 James - Authentic Transition or Toxic Trap?
Is your life transition leading to authentic discovery or are you falling victim to another toxic trap? James Barnes has spent the majority of his life trying to find his authentic self in a world that desperately needed him to conform to pre-approved stereotypes. Several times he tried to find his true path, only to find himself trying to fit into a different, equally ill-fitting, pre-defined box.
"We're deeply trained to please other people. Often, in key transitions, we trade one false identity only to completely embrace another - simply because that's what other people want from us. We must learn to avoid pre-defined stereotypes and look inward if we want to find our true selves."
James Barnes is an entrepreneur, teacher, and bridge-builder. After being born and raised in a Christian home, James spent years trying to figure out where he fit in. It wasn't until eight years ago, when James came out as trans, that he started to find the answers he was looking for. James' story is an inspiring one of resilience, self-discovery, and the power of owning your identity. Through his coaching and online activism, James is creating a safe space for honest, vulnerable, and bold conversations about masculinity, mental health, trans rights, and all of life's transitions.
Resources:
"Permission to Feel" by Dr. Marc Brackett
James' "Connect Course"
MUST WATCH James' post on toxic distancing in male relationships.
Other episodes you'll enjoy:
#101 Jaxon - "The Man at My Wedding." Jaxon, a transgender man, tells the story of his brave journey to self-acceptance and love.
#104 Amanda - "Understanding Real Poverty." Amanda tells how a single question changed her life forever, opening her eyes to a world of possibilities, and instilling a strong desire to live and work abroad.
#116 Kauri - "Healing Oasis" Kauri bravely shares her experiences with racism, sexual abuse, incarceration of a loved one, and even her own death.
#107 Santiago - "Cui Bono?" We discuss philosophy, politics, existential crisis, religion, expressions of God, worldviews, power, friends, family, and machismo.
- Loved this episode? Leave us a 5-Star review and rating here!
- Financial contributions greatly appreciated!
- Join the conversation online at our Facebook Community Page with many of our listeners and guests.
- Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Linked-In, or TikTok.
- Email us at [email protected]
Strangers You Know - Leaving Mormonism:Putting the Bishop's Handbook on the Shelf
Transcript
#34 Jed: Leaving Mormonism - Putting the Bishop's Handbook on the Shelf
MUSIC
Jed [00:00:04] I did it wrong. I'll say that with the first three or four people that we talked to. I came in guns blazing, pretty hot and heavy, like just ready to burn it down. And it was not the right approach. So I don't know. There's definitely no handbook on how to leave the church. There's no there's no instruction from them on, Hey, are you ques
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