The Best Part of Your Week: How to Make Groups Fun, Relational, and Life-Giving - Featuring Brad Shank

3 mistakes to avoid with your Lead or Supervising Pastor

Mistake #1: Wrong assumptions

In the middle of a difficult moment with leadership relationships, it is very easy to assume the worst about them. A Christian counselor friend once said, “When we assume the motives of someone else we are wrong most of the time.” I have learned this is very true.

We often forget is what it’s like to be in their shoes. Remember when others misjudged you? What did you want from them? What did you wish for? It might be a good exercise to make a list of what you remember as a starting point for making changes in your relationships.

The danger of assigning motives, of assuming someone’s intent, is we never know all the facts. They maybe new to the church? To the role? To you? They come with their own often un-named values, beliefs, and assumptions about what we, their leadership, should or should not do. It’s very complicated.

The temptation is always to side with your own beliefs, to assume you are correct, because we know them...or think we do. But God is clear when He says, “You shall not be partial in judgment ... For the Lord your God is God of Gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty and the awesome God, who is not partial ...” (Deuteronomy 1:17; 10:17). Meaningful relations can’t happen if we are assuming the worst or assigning blame without knowing all the data. And we will rarely have all the facts.

Conclusion: Choose to believe the best. Ask God to give you His love and grace and to help you give grace, expecting nothing in return. You will never know the full impact of the Lead Pastor world! Help them see you as a “friend” not a “foe”.

Mistake #2: Impatience

We’ve had a lifetime to get to know our ministry, but when it comes to being the Lead Pastor...not so much. It’s all too easy to impatiently expect these relationships to gel perfectly. Relationships take time ... lots of time with many investments of grace, love, and patience. There are so many factors to consider—working styles, age gaps, passion gaps, interest gaps, etc.

Often what helps me in impatience is to know, that through PRAYER, God can make things go far faster than I can. Simple, huh? Along with that, you need to be good for your church. You are part of the team to help, not just have your way. You need to show up, but not throw up!

Basically, be what a friend taught me, “Be a good General, not a bad General”. A bad General takes their assignment and does whatever higher ups tell them. A good General will assess the situation, give their advise and then execute on whatever leadership decides. If you feel it is wrong, PRAY, God will course correct.

Conclusion: We are only responsible to suggest and pray.. God is more than able to work His will in their lives without our help. Our job now is to be patient with the process and trust Him to do the work. SOMETIMES God is working in the background and doesn’t tell us! LOL

Mistake #3: Defensiveness

When a Lead Pastor points out a flaw he or she sees in us, it hurts. Our natural inclination is to be defensive, to explain our position and how hard we tried to do our best rather than just apologize and say, “I’m so sorry that hurt you so much or wasn’t done the way you expected.” We forget so easily that we are all flawed, broken people and no pastor is perfect. So why are we surprised when stuff happens and people give us issues?

This next statement isn’t natural but ... instead of having defensiveness of those of we serve (our Lead Pastor), we should be grateful for the opportunity to mend and apologize for the mistakes we make! Even if it was 100% unintentional. Modeling an apologetic heart and seeking forgiveness will open the door for you to do the same with those that serve under you (staff or volunteer). A friend once said, “Seeing a flaw in ourselves is a joy because we now have the opportunity to be rid of it.” It takes maturity and humility to see our shortcomings this way, but it’s liberating.

Only when we own our mistakes and admit where we failed leadership will we grow rich relationships with them and church leadership. The truth is always your friend.

Only humility produces the beauty of meaningfully deep relationships. And continually acknowledging our own shortcomings and failures before God makes beautiful our lives in the greater body of Christ.

It’s been quite a journey at Saddleback Church since March of 1998. I’ve known lots of misunderstandings and mistakes. Thankfully I’ve known forgiveness too. I love our church so much, including the staff and people LOL. Each difficulty brings uniqueness which challenges us to a greater faith, and that is always good.

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