Men's Sexual Trauma

Explicit content warning

04/01/21 • 30 min

Sex.Love.Power.: Sacred Sexuality, Conscious Polarity, and Waking Up In Love

If you have a male partner who avoids sex or gets stuck in his head sometimes during sex or about sex, this episode is for you.

If you or your partner struggle with what the industry tends to call “sexual dysfunction” - which is so pejorative - I do not like any of the medical terms at all - from erections that don’t start or that don’t stay, to ejaculating before you’d like to, not ejaculation when you’d expect to... This episode is for you.

If you are or your partner is a man who is comfortable with sex as long as he’s in control or in charge, or as long as the attention is on the other person, not on him, this episode will be helpful.

And really for anyone who is a man, cares about a man, or walks through the world among men, I believe this episode is really important because it talks about something we don’t talk about: and that’s the underreported, underdiscussed epidemic of men’s sexual trauma.

This is such an important episode to me because time and again, my male clients will tell me “I’ve never told anybody about this” or “Nobody explains this the way you just did, and it feels like huge burden has been lifted.” I’m on a mission to lift that burden, to give that relief, to help as many men as possible to feel seen and understood and that they’re normal and they’re not broken and they’re not alone! So that’s why we’re going to talk about a couple of key things today:

What sexual trauma IS and how common it is among men
The ways sexual trauma is inflicted for men
Ways the conversation is silenced around men’s sexual trauma
Signs that you or a many you love is having a trauma response in the sexual realm

Join the conversation by listening, share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.
Full show notes & transcript at http://lisenbury.com/epsisode/030

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If you have a male partner who avoids sex or gets stuck in his head sometimes during sex or about sex, this episode is for you.

What sexual trauma IS and how common it is among men
The ways sexual trauma is inflicted for men
Ways the conversation is silenced around men’s sexual trauma
Signs that you or a many you love is having a trauma response in the sexual realm

Previous Episode

Pro-Man, Anti-Patriarchy

We’re diving deep into how patriarchy gets into our relationships and messes with both partners, regardless of what gender everyone is. This episode is a response to a beautiful letter from a listener. I look forward to hearing your experiences. What is the role of male privilege in your relationship? How does psychological patriarchy affect the intimacy and aliveness in your relationship? Listen in to hear how I define these terms and what a long-time male listener thought and felt when I said “smash the patriarchy” in an email about a prior episode.

In this episode we talk about:

How psychological patriarchy differs from cultural patriarchy
What psychological patriarchy costs women... and what it costs men
The grave disservice I’d do in trying to help couples if I didn’t name the power imbalances our culture creates between men and women, large and small people, and people who earn more and their partners who earn less
How privilege leads us to confuse “safety” and “comfort”

And more

Next Episode

Superiority And Shame

“We have 2 kids, but I feel like I’m a mother of three, including my husband!”

“Why does he have to talk down to me about the things I struggle with?”

Do either of these sound familiar to you?

Some people find themselves frustrated by a sense their partner is less adult than they are or that their partner is incompetent in some way.

Others feel that their partner treats them like they’re inferior or broken or bad or wrong.

If you are in either of those groups, this episode is for you.

These experiences live in more relationships than you probably realize. Very few couples escape experiencing these patterns at some point. I want to give you perspectives and tools that will help when these patterns pop up, either for you or for those you care about. I want to liberate every relationship from blame and rejection, from criticism and defensiveness.

I'm going to break down:

What's really happening when we feel superior to our partner or we behave in ways that are condescending,
What's really going on when we feel like we have to win our partner's approval or their satisfaction for our relationship to be okay
How to get on a more even footing when one of you has shifted into an inferior or superior stance.

And more