Sex Help for Smart People

Get started the fun way with strap-ons. Everyone can play with strap-ons and there are loads of reasons you may want to try it out. This episode will guide you through choices of equipment, accessories, positions. It will help you make the decisions that will bring you and your partner the most fun while avoiding painful bad experiences.

Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

Today we’re talking about butt stuff – all things anal pleasure. The rear end is the other half of your pelvis and has loads of nerve endings to enjoy, but it can also be a place of shame, pain and trauma when we aren't careful. I’m going to give you some perspectives on releasing shame and expectations. I'll also cover in detail the Cardinal Rules of Butt Fun so you can stay on the pleasure side of the equation rather than the pain and trauma side. As usual, I’m going to end on an invitation to explore on your own, and this exercise is really important for those of you starting out with butt play, or if you’ve had bad experiences in the past. We'll also cover good butt-safe toys, hygiene, communication, pacing, lube, and all the details to help you be successful – which means every one has fun and no one gets hurt.

Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

Episode 10 is all about when and how to talk to your partner about sex. If you're dating, considering dating, or in a relationship, don't miss this one. It will take the guesswork out and keep you from a lot of disappointment.
Many of us spin out in worry about finding the "right time;" avoid talking about important sexual needs, desires, or challenges out of fear or shame; or just blurt out our issues whenever we feel urgent about it. None of these approaches will help you get what you want and need from your partner. This episode gives you the guidance you need to avoid these common communication pitfalls.
We’re going to cover good times and bad times to talk about sex, including what kinds of topics work (and don’t work) when you’re in the middle of getting it on.
I’ll also teach you the 3 key concepts to help conversations on sensitive subjects go more smoothly. Practicing these will help you and your partner feel heard, enable better connection, make empathy more likely, and avoid conflict.
From the episode, the baseline questions I suggest everyone cover with sex partners periodically are below. Consider these a starting point.

1. What would make sex extra amazing for your partner? For you?
2. What would you both like more of?
3. How do you both like to be invited to sexy times?
4. What kind of flirting feels really good to you and them?
5. How do you like to be escalated with? (That is, moving from flirting to touch, initiating kissing, escalating to making out, moving from making out to removing clothes, initiating genital touch, etc.)
6. How do your genitals particularly like to be touched?
7. What helps you get off?
8. What gets in the way of your arousal or hinders your orgasm?
9. How do you know when sexy times are over? What do you like as a check in for when you’d like to wrap up or end sex?
10. What kind of aftercare do you like? (That is, when the sexy times do come to a close, how can you support each other to come down from that in a gentle, connected way? Is there anything your partner should know about how you feel after sex? For example, some people cry, meditate, get very quiet, sleepy, sweaty, etc. and all of that is okay but good to know!)

Plus these basic logistical questions:

1. When were you last STI tested and what were the results?
2. How many partners do you currently have and what are your safety practices with them?
3. Do you want to be non-monogamous or monogamous and how do you like to organize that?
4. How do you define and communicate around monogamy or non-monogamy?

To register for the April 12, 2024 30-min webinar on De-Escalating Stress in the Body, for only $10, go to: https://laurajurgens.com/events

Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode meant to offer concrete help.
I'll share effective ways to sleep better, and what is reasonable to expect from yourself and your partner when there are sleep challenges going on. If you or your partner struggle with sleep issues, don't miss this one.
Here are the 12 things to do to sleep better:

1. Only use the bed for sleep and sex, and reading non-stressful materials. No tv, eating, phone.
2. Time your caffeine, alcohol and chocolate ruthlessly. No caffeine 8 hours before bed. No alcohol or chocolate 4 hours before bed, and then only 1 serving.
3. Exercise earlier in the day and be done by 3 hours before bed. You do need some exercise to sleep well, so don’t skip it, but it doesn’t have to be intense.
4. Dark, quiet, cool bedroom with no tv. Use either light blocking curtains or an eye mask and ear plugs if you need them.
5. Use blue-blocking glasses for any screen time in the evening.
6. Regardless of your glasses, you need to turn screens off an hour and a half before bed. Seriously. Unplug.
7. Darken your house when it gets dark outside – switch to lamps and led candles, dimmers down – or use amber lenses with blue blocking filters.
8. Consider very low dose melatonin – like 1 to 3 mg, 1.5 hours before bed.
9. Keep a receiving and wins journal. Write 3 things you received today, and 3 wins each day. This helps your mind go to sleep with abundance rather than anxiety.
10. Create a bedtime ritual of things that feel good to you.
11. Get up and go to bed at roughly the same time every day.
12. If you do wake up or can’t sleep, don’t just let your brain spin out in anxiety. Give it something lovely to do: fantasize, go to a beautiful place in your mind, or get out of bed and journal if you need to.

Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.

Do you want to have G-spot or cervical orgasms, but don't know how to get there? This episode is for you!

Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com. Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.