Episode #2: Street Smarts from Veteran Los Angeles Prosecutor, Jonathan Cristall, Esq.
Explicit content warning
03/18/21 • 76 min
Street Smarts from Veteran Los Angeles Prosecutor, Jonathan Cristall, Esq.
Most of the skills we know about life don’t come from the classroom! No one in a typical high school teaches us how to fight off online predators, or reason with a police officer who’s harassing us in the street. If we want to learn how to survive in the “real” world, we often have to teach ourselves through trial and error.
Our guest today is a father of three who worried about what might happen if his kids weren’t taught life lessons about consent or the dangers of social media. He sat down and wrote a long list of all the topics he felt he needed to teach his kids outside of the academic sphere... and then went ahead and published it. His name is Jonathan Cristall, a City of Los Angeles prosecutor, and his book is called What They Don’t Teach Teens: Life Safety Skills For Teens and the Adults Who Care for Them.
Jonathan and I both know what happens when you learn your lessons the hard way. He was arrested in his teenage years, I was arrested in my twenties. Jonathan for nonviolent property offense, me for possession of meth. And we know we’re not alone, because 1 in 3 Americans are arrested in their lifetimes. Another person is put in cuffs every three seconds. There are about as many people with arrest records as there are with college degrees in the U.S! Not to mention, people of color are much more likely to be unjustly targeted by law enforcement.
With such overwhelming statistics about the American criminal justice system, we all need to know how to talk to cops. Unfortunately, Jonathan noticed that most people don’t know their basic rights when dealing with police officers. He explains the implications of this concern thoroughly in his book, and today’s episode.
Critical Insight: How To Talk with Police Officers
One significant fact most people are unaware of is their right to refuse a search. If officers have a search warrant or have probable cause due to the situation at hand, they can lawfully search without your consent. Otherwise, you have to agree...and often they get you to agree by asking you veiled questions like: “Do you have anything in your pockets I should worry about?” or “Why don't you let me see your phone?” No matter what, you don’t have to answer these questions or consent to these searches.
You might be asking yourself: won’t invoking these rights make cops more suspicious? Maybe, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know that denying consent is an option. Even if cops are rough with you on the street, knowing your rights will help you defend yourself when the court date rolls around. Exasperated, overworked cops tend to be rough in the moment, so Jonathan recommends not putting up a fight with an officer in the street. Without being rude, you can peacefully exercise your right to silence and to refuse search. Later, you can hold a police officer accountable for their actions in front of a judge.
Use Your Rights for Good, not Evil
If you know your rights, Jonathan warns they should only be used for good. In our interview, Jonathan shares an example of a young man who committed sexual assault–and filmed it. Then he sent it to his friend. When the police asked to search the friend’s phone, he refused, on the bias of an unlawful search. By protecting his friend, he kept justice from being served. When invoking your rights, Jonathan insists on focusing on doing the right thing, not withholding important evidence as that may prevent someone dangerous from being brought to justice.
Life Skills, Smarts, and Sex
Thanks for listening!!! Please follow us on YouTube + TikTok @SexDrugsAndJesusPodcast
Street Smarts from Veteran Los Angeles Prosecutor, Jonathan Cristall, Esq.
Most of the skills we know about life don’t come from the classroom! No one in a typical high school teaches us how to fight off online predators, or reason with a police officer who’s harassing us in the street. If we want to learn how to survive in the “real” world, we often have to teach ourselves through trial and error.
Our guest today is a father of three who worried about what might happen if his kids weren’t taught life lessons about consent or the dangers of social media. He sat down and wrote a long list of all the topics he felt he needed to teach his kids outside of the academic sphere... and then went ahead and published it. His name is Jonathan Cristall, a City of Los Angeles prosecutor, and his book is called What They Don’t Teach Teens: Life Safety Skills For Teens and the Adults Who Care for Them.
Jonathan and I both know what happens when you learn your lessons the hard way. He was arrested in his teenage years, I was arrested in my twenties. Jonathan for nonviolent property offense, me for possession of meth. And we know we’re not alone, because 1 in 3 Americans are arrested in their lifetimes. Another person is put in cuffs every three seconds. There are about as many people with arrest records as there are with college degrees in the U.S! Not to mention, people of color are much more likely to be unjustly targeted by law enforcement.
With such overwhelming statistics about the American criminal justice system, we all need to know how to talk to cops. Unfortunately, Jonathan noticed that most people don’t know their basic rights when dealing with police officers. He explains the implications of this concern thoroughly in his book, and today’s episode.
Critical Insight: How To Talk with Police Officers
One significant fact most people are unaware of is their right to refuse a search. If officers have a search warrant or have probable cause due to the situation at hand, they can lawfully search without your consent. Otherwise, you have to agree...and often they get you to agree by asking you veiled questions like: “Do you have anything in your pockets I should worry about?” or “Why don't you let me see your phone?” No matter what, you don’t have to answer these questions or consent to these searches.
You might be asking yourself: won’t invoking these rights make cops more suspicious? Maybe, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know that denying consent is an option. Even if cops are rough with you on the street, knowing your rights will help you defend yourself when the court date rolls around. Exasperated, overworked cops tend to be rough in the moment, so Jonathan recommends not putting up a fight with an officer in the street. Without being rude, you can peacefully exercise your right to silence and to refuse search. Later, you can hold a police officer accountable for their actions in front of a judge.
Use Your Rights for Good, not Evil
If you know your rights, Jonathan warns they should only be used for good. In our interview, Jonathan shares an example of a young man who committed sexual assault–and filmed it. Then he sent it to his friend. When the police asked to search the friend’s phone, he refused, on the bias of an unlawful search. By protecting his friend, he kept justice from being served. When invoking your rights, Jonathan insists on focusing on doing the right thing, not withholding important evidence as that may prevent someone dangerous from being brought to justice.
Life Skills, Smarts, and Sex
Thanks for listening!!! Please follow us on YouTube + TikTok @SexDrugsAndJesusPodcast
Previous Episode
Episode #1: Building a Happy Life & Finding your F*ckyeah, with Alexis Rockley
Building a Happy Life & Finding your F*ckyeah, with Alexis Rockley
When Alexis Rockley was 28, she had everything she could ever want. She had the job of her dreams, the perfect apartment, a great romantic relationship. Her work gave her the chance to be creative, and she was constantly being praised and promoted. There was nothing more she could have possibly asked for and yet–she was unhappy.
She called it a “quarter life crisis.” She was unfulfilled, largely because she was relying on her work for happiness. She couldn’t live independently of her job...and didn’t know who she was without it. This crisis caused her to question the way we postulate happiness to young folks nowadays. We give them the tools we think they need to be happy, like finding their purpose, working hard, meeting goals and marking achievements. However, Alexis realized this model just doesn’t work.
So she set out to see what true happiness is made of, becoming a researcher of positive psychology. Her research uncovered a nuanced positive feeling, one she couldn’t quite define, so she settled on calling it “fuckyeah.” Her book is called Find Your F*ckyeah: Stop Censoring Who You Are and Discover What You Really Want. The book and our interview details with how we can become happier on a daily basis and find our true selves.
Everything You Know About Self-Care is Wrong
One concept Alexis kept bumping into when doing her research was the problematic nature of what we call “self-care.” Self-care is the idea of encouraging ourselves to spend a day taking a bubble bath, ordering dessert, and doing pilates after a long week of work. While the idea of taking time for oneself is not inherently troublesome, Alexis believes the culture of self-care is jacked-up. She says it exists as the other side of the “hustle culture” coin, the toxic way we encourage ourselves to become overworked.
To Alexis, self-care culture feels like another way capitalist society keeps us on a hamster wheel. Approaching self-care as a part of a bullshit checklist makes us feel as though it’s our own fault we’re not booking enough yoga sessions and beach days to counterbalance an overworked and restless life. Approaching self-maintenance with a short term view will only lead to more burnout. Alexis tells me, we have to look at self-care in the long term by making lifestyle changes that will lead to lasting happiness.
Building a Happy Life #1: The Right People
So how can you build a happy life in the long term? One of the first steps Alexis outlines is finding the right group of people to surround yourself with. I know from my own experience that the right group might not be the one you’re born into. In this episode, I discuss how many folks in the LGBTQ+ community find themselves kicked out of their homes or, in my case, their church. Commonly, queer people have to find their own family among one another. Whoever you choose to be in your community, they should be supportive of you as you grow and change.
Building a Happy Life #2: F*ck Flawless
Another step to building a happy life is to ditch perfectionism. Alexis gives us an example of this method from her design career. When designing a floor plan for a client, she drafted, redrafted...and redrafted some more, unable to settle on the perfect design.
Suddenly, she found herself staring down the deadline. The new furniture was supposed to go out tomorrow––and she hadn’t placed a single piece anywhere on her plans. This story teaches us that if we’re too obsessed with doing everything flawlessly, we might not get anything done.
Thanks for listening!!! Please follow us on YouTube + TikTok @SexDrugsAndJesusPodcast
Next Episode
Episode #3: Perfectly Hidden Depression and Self-Worth, with Dr. Margaret Rutherford
Perfectly Hidden Depression and Self-Worth with Dr. Margaret Rutherford
Let’s say your mother was an alcoholic and unleashed intense emotional abuse onto you and your siblings from a young age. And if you cried, it only got worse. So you learned not to cry. Or to repress your emotions, because expressing them only brought more pain. As an adult, you go through life without opening up much––just to be safe. Instead, you channel your bottled-up energy into being the top of your class or getting promoted. You use achievements as a way to prove to the world that you’re not as useless as your mother always said you’d be.
This is the reality for thousands of people with a syndrome known as Perfectly Hidden Depression. Our guest, Doctor Margaret Rutherford, is the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression. In her work as a therapist, Margaret noticed a trend of patients who seemed to brush off their severe trauma as insignificant. These patients tended to distance themselves from their deepest wounds, letting them fester. When asked, they’d say that nothing is wrong–then overdose, or attempt suicide.
Dr. Ruthorford tells us that this syndrome is different than just typical denial or avoidance. It’s a survival technique, developed as a symptom of devastating early childhood experiences. It might come from growing up in a home where emotional repression was the only way to endure intense abuse or hardship. It may also come from being taught that the only way to win a parent’s love is to get straight As and never “complain.”
All the while, hiding immense sadness, buried deep down, can slowly destroy someone. The pain inside grows and eats away, no matter how many awards they win or people they impress.
Isn’t Perfectionism Kind of a Good Thing?
What’s wrong with wanting to be the best you can be? It isn’t inherently destructive to strive for higher achievement, says Dr. Rutherford. But for those with Perfectly Hidden Depression, their ambition to hide their feelings of intense despair can be catastrophic. For these folks, accomplishment is often irrevocably tied to their self worth, so when they lose out on a promotion or don’t make the team, they can become suicidal.
As someone who spent years in the Air Force, I’ve had my own run-ins with the hazards of perfectionism. In the armed forces, newcomers are taught that mistakes are unacceptable. After being honorably discharged, this fear of messing up plagued the back of my mind for years.
Throw in some good ol’ Christian guilt and fear of the Almighty, and you’ve got a high pressure situation in the face of simple slip-ups. Growing up deeply involved in the Pentecostal Church led me to believe that one “sin” meant I was going straight to Hell. Of course, this mindset is incredibly damaging to one’s self esteem.
Margaret and I discuss how awful this way of thinking is for those struggling with substance abuse as well. I decided to share my own struggles with crystal meth and addiction recovery on this episode, and how I had to forgive myself when I relapsed. If I weren’t kind to myself, I might still be a user today.
Dr. Rutherford explains how Perfectly Hidden Depression can hit women and people of color extra hard. This comes from having to work with twice the vigor for the same recognition as white male counterparts. When you have to defy discrimination, you act as though making zero mistakes is a necessity for success. And sometimes, that’s the only way to get a seat at the table. In her practice, Margaret has worked
Thanks for listening!!! Please follow us on YouTube + TikTok @SexDrugsAndJesusPodcast
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