Mindset Episode 019 | The best way to relax is not what you think

Explicit content warning

02/17/23 • 21 min

Do you ever have a hard time relaxing after something stressful happens?
You want to be in control of your emotions so your bad mood doesn't rub off on your dog or others around you.
If you're angry at something, you want to calm down so you don't accidentally start a fight by lashing out at another person or so that you don't end up being unnecessarily harsh with your dog.
My guess is that one of your strategies is to focus on regaining calmness as quickly as possible, by doing some version of a relaxation exercise.
That's skipping an important step though, one that might allow you to forsake the relaxation exercises altogether.
It's one of the things that have had the biggest impact on my quality of life and I am sharing it with you in this episode.
https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/mindset-episode-019-the-best-way-to-relax-is-not-what-you-think/

If you're wondering how to feel less stressed about your career, your dog, your family or all of the above, there are things you can do!

There is still time to join First Things First small group coaching on the (myth of) work-life-dog-balance. We start April 15th 2025. Find out more here:

https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/worklifebalancegroupcoaching/

Send us a text

If you're wondering how to feel less stressed about your career, your dog, your family or all of the above, there are things you can do!

There is still time to join First Things First small group coaching on the (myth of) work-life-dog-balance. We start April 15th 2025. Find out more here:

https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/worklifebalancegroupcoaching/

Previous Episode

028 | Jumy on no longer wanting to be the only R+ horse trainer in the U.A.E.

Send us a text

Jumy is a positive reinforcement horse trainer from the U.A.E. who opened her own livery yard, malath paddock paradise, 3 years ago, but she’s been in the industry for 13 years already.

I ask lots of no doubt cringe worthy questions, as I know nothing about horses, and we touch upon a ton of things.

Of course I want to know how Jumy ended up in the force free training world.

Unlike many dog guardians it wasn’t because she had exhausted punitive methods or because her horse had behavioral problems.

Rather it was trick training that sparked the idea of using positive reinforcement training to train all kinds of behavior. If you can use it to teach a horse tricks, why couldn’t you use it to teach other behaviors after all?

Being a trailblazer had both upsides and downsides.

The biggest positive was that she never fell into any kind of trap of wanting to be able to do it all and know it all at once. She simply had to follow a try-as-you-go path of discovery.

When her clients find her though, it usually is because they are experiencing problems with their horses. So we discuss Jumy’s approach to dealing with horse guardians who may be using tools on their horses that she doesn’t necessarily agree with.

Her assumption is that the guardian loves their horse. She never wants to shame them or make the feel guilty about their choice of tool. Rather she lets them draw their own conclusions.

So what about the differences? With the horse being a prey animal and the dog being a predator, Jumy explains how that affects the required rate of reinforcement.

Then there is natural horsemanship. Jumy explains her views on that and how horses who are trained with that method can mentally shut down.

Naturally, I ask about her dogs who live at the stables and are allowed to free roam. Funnily enough, they chill most of the time, unless they are breaking up horse fights or they decide to come along on a hack with the horses, that is.

Finally, Jumy explains her criteria for canceling a session with a horse when she isn’t in the right mindset herself, and what the alternatives are, such as adapting the type of the session to her energy levels.

Links:

https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/028-jumy-on-no-longer-wanting-to-be-the-only-r-plus-horse-trainer-in-the-u-a-e/
Jumy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jumys.horses/

Jumy’s livery yard: https://www.malathpaddockparadise.com/

Tango, the miniature horse: https://www.instagram.com/tangotheminiature/

Tango stacking rings: https://www.instagram.com/p/BY0VktphmWH/

The dogs who inhabit Mallath Paddock Paradise: https://www.instagram.com/thestabledog/

Mallath Paddock Paradise on Instagram:

If you're wondering how to feel less stressed about your career, your dog, your family or all of the above, there are things you can do!

There is still time to join First Things First small group coaching on the (myth of) work-life-dog-balance. We start April 15th 2025. Find out more here:

https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/worklifebalancegroupcoaching/

Next Episode

029 | Ali & Indie of Rebarkable, on becoming and being a dog trainer and not burning out

Send us a text

Ali was from London but now lives in Maryland

We talk about how she got into the business of dog training, which has a little something to do with her German Shepherd cross Indie.

We talk about the widespread misunderstanding that all dogs should love all dogs and I may or may not tell an anecdote of me hugging a stranger to try and show them that they wouldn’t appreciate being crowded either. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.

Ali also explains something that I think is amazing:

She tells new clients to first take a break from everything (like training) for a week or so, so they can reconnect with all the reasons why they love their dog in the first place.

Another tough nut to crack for most of us is that of questioning authority. Ali had fewer difficulties there as asking “Why?” comes naturally to her. My hope is that by listening to Ali talk, more people will feel free to do the same.

Ali’s training philosophy is that she wants to provide people with the skills that allow them to be able to tackle possible future setbacks, since it serves us well to take into account that your anxious dog will probably keep showing some anxiety from time to time, despite all the training effort you put in.

Speaking of training and being a trainer, working 80 hours a week is no exception in the dog world and at first it wasn’t for Ali either.

We talk about all things dog professional:

The emotional burden of being a dog trainer, the taking on the setback and emotions of your clients, not earning enough to make a living, and giving away a part of you every time so that there’s less and less of you to go around.

So, how did she manage to find that elusive work-life balance?

Upon moving to the USA she completely restructured her business and she explains what that looks like.

Her advice to aspiring dog trainers: Don’t try to be everything to all people.

And finally, there’s Ali’s summary of her thoughts on expectation, frustration and celebration. It’s so on point, that I would be remiss if I didn’t write it down here:

Manage expectation, minimize frustration, maximize celebration

Links:

Ali’s website: https://rebarkable.com/

Find Ali on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/re.barkable/

Ali’s podcast “Ask Ali” on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/nl/podcast/ask-ali-a-professional-dog-trainer-answers-your-dog/id1586671078

and on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49evBFpTbFUdOakjRA6FTV?si=21ad9666aa1d4e27

Email her: woof @ rebarkable.com
EPIDOSE WEBSITE:
https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/029--ali--indie-on-becoming-and-being-a-dog-trainer-and-not-burning-out/

If you're wondering how to feel less stressed about your career, your dog, your family or all of the above, there are things you can do!

There is still time to join First Things First small group coaching on the (myth of) work-life-dog-balance. We start April 15th 2025. Find out more here:

https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/worklifebalancegroupcoaching/