EP3: Finding Common Ground

11/23/20 • 40 min

Though Alicia and Mateo are on guard with each other, Rohini and Angus begin to explore the deeper feelings of love and wellbeing present in both of them. Mateo vacillates between the loving feelings in his heart and the pestering thoughts in his mind, as Angus helps surface a glimmer of Mateo’s true feelings for Alicia. Alicia expresses her admiration for who Mateo is as a person -- she wishes he saw himself the way she sees him. Can they start to trust their wisdom over their judgments?
As Alicia and Mateo struggle to find common ground, Angus and Rohini support them in recognizing the seeds of love that are still present and ready to be rewilded.
This episode explores:

How Alicia and Mateo’s experiences are subjective and a reflection of their mood in the moment, not the other person.
How both Alicia and Mateo feel justified in their positions and decide the other person is responsible for their suffering.
Finding the seeds of love in the relationship and bringing them into focus to support the rewilding of love.
How Alicia and Mateo need to remember what love looks like and to arrive at seeing where there is still love in the relationship, rather than focus on what's not working.
What is going to help Alicia and Mateo find common ground?
Inner wisdom always points us toward love.
Holding space for the innate wisdom, well-being, and love in each of us to unfold.
The importance of where you are coming from when entering a conversation.
How it is easy to make up our own story about what is going on with the other person when there is a lack of communication.
Helping them to see that the other person isn't responsible for their suffering by looking at where their experience really comes from so that they can feel more empowered and less victimized in the relationship.

Podcast music: Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area.
Ep. 3 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity.
Show Notes:
What Is the Difference Between a Crevice and a Crevasse?
The difference between a crevice and a crevasse is more than just a few letters. It’s the difference between geology and glaciology. While both terms come from the Anglo-French word crevace, to break, they mean two different things. Crevices are cracks or splits caused by a fracture of a rock, while a crevasse is a deep fracture in a glacier or ice sheet.
Stalker: Can refer to still-hunting, which involves moving as slowly, quietly, and inconspicuously as possible, so you will see the deer before it sees you. Or you know, more commonly can refer to a person who harasses someone with unwanted and obsessive attention.
Feedback: [email protected]
Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.

How Alicia and Mateo’s experiences are subjective and a reflection of their mood in the moment, not the other person.
How both Alicia and Mateo feel justified in their positions and decide the other person is responsible for their suffering.
Finding the seeds of love in the relationship and bringing them into focus to support the rewilding of love.
How Alicia and Mateo need to remember what love looks like and to arrive at seeing where there is still love in the relationship, rather than focus on what's not working.
What is going to help Alicia and Mateo find common ground?
Inner wisdom always points us toward love.
Holding space for the innate wisdom, well-being, and love in each of us to unfold.
The importance of where you are coming from when entering a conversation.
How it is easy to make up our own story about what is going on with the other person when there is a lack of communication.
Helping them to see that the other person isn't responsible for their suffering by looking at where their experience really comes from so that they can feel more empowered and less victimized in the relationship.

Previous Episode

EP2: Playing the Blame Game

The blame game is in full effect as Alicia and Mateo each have their very separate realities and see the other party as wrong. Mateo blames Alicia’s temper for his habit of shutting down, and Alicia blows up when she feels like she’s the only responsible one in the relationship or the only one who cares. Their lack of empathy and understanding about the other person's point of view results in their polarization. This wedge between them helps them stay convinced that the other’s behavior is the cause of their suffering -- can Rohini and Angus help them find understanding?
From narrow and self-focused perspectives, Alicia and Mateo justify their actions. From this state of mind, their thinking is distorted and they can’t see the whole picture. As they move toward more open-minded and open-hearted feelings, they gain the opportunity to see each other differently. Once they arrive in this space of greater trust, they access a more well-rounded perspective. The quality of their relationship actually reflects the quality of their individual states of mind.
This episode explores:

The current status of Alicia and Mateo’s relationship.
How Alicia and Mateo tell the tale of two different relationships.
How a desire to protect optics in the face of friends and family can get in the way of being honest about what they are going through.
How challenging it is for the relationship when both people feel discouraged.
The importance of each person in the relationship having their own insight and transformation.
The important role that the individual state of mind plays in order to open up to new possibilities.
Initial sessions with Alicia and Mateo to begin hearing both sides.
How common it is, and how detrimental it is, to keep a laundry list of woes.
How many couples play the blame game.
The challenges associated with volatility in relationships.
How painful a lack of understanding can be.
The negative impact of judgment in relationships.

Podcast music: Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area.
Ep. 2 includes selections from Violet/Balance and Blue/Calm
Show Notes:
Agent provocateur: one employed to associate with suspected persons and by pretending sympathy with their aims to incite them to some incriminating action. Also a British lingerie retailer.
Wood for the trees: If someone can't see the wood for the trees in British English, or can't see the forest for the trees in American English, they are very involved in the details of something and so they do not notice what is important about the thing as a whole.
Feedback: [email protected]
Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org

Next Episode

EP4: The Pain of Taking Things Personally

Alicia has an insight about not taking things personally. Luckily, she already has examples in her life where she feels immune to what Mateo says to her, and seeing that she doesn’t always take what he says personally allows her to see her own role in her reactivity. Rohini helps guide Alicia toward the truth of where her experience is always coming from, that we can only ever feel our own thinking, not circumstances. Together they explore how not being impacted by someone else’s behavior is empowering, not passive.
Alicia begins to view her reactivity as a common denominator in other relationships as well, which helps her embrace the idea of waiting for a calm mind before responding to Mateo. The Rewilders teach the couple about how emotions move through us, so even though they are coming from within, they are not another thing to try and control. Instead, we can treat our feelings like the weather and ride them out.
This episode explores:

The personal vs. the impersonal
The power of not taking things personally
How feelings act as a guide to our state of mind at any moment
Behavior is a reflection of the other person’s state of mind, which has nothing to do with us
Gaining compassion for our partner when they’re in a low mood
The way to decrease volatility in relationships
Connecting with our own inner peace regardless of our partner
We experience what we are identifying with in our own mind, not circumstances
Understanding our experiences come from within is liberating
Emotions move through us like the weather, we can wait until we feel more settled to act

Podcast music: Rewilding Love features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles based Master drummer, multi-instrumentalist, and composer Greg Ellis, born and raised in the Bay Area.
Ep. 4 includes selections from: Violet/Balance; Blue/Calm; Orange/Nourishment; Yellow/Clarity
Show notes
Cad and a bounder: Old fashioned, British phrase for saying a man is acting in an unkind, deceitful, or selfish way.
North American irony: Angus questions whether this exists.
Feedback: [email protected]
Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: TheRewilders.org.