27 - How do I become a better listener?

quora.com

For the original article head over to https://qr.ae/pGxNmK

Transcript:

Imagine, if you will, that you are in a park, sitting on the grass with a friend.

Your friend is talking, and sharing with you something quite delicate, intimate. This is the kind of thing you want to hold so gently.

Dushka, he says. I suffer from terrible, insatiable hunger.

As he says this, you notice he is holding a sandwich.

I don’t know what to do about my hunger, he is saying. I will probably never encounter food again.

He puts his head down.

The sandwich is right there in his hand, and you can see it so clearly. The lightly toasted pretzel roll and thick ham slices. The generous spread of whole grain mustard. The unexpected, bright orange slice of butternut squash. Fresh arugula, for the peppery taste but also for the balance of color. It’s not just a sandwich. It’s a prize.

At this point, what I want to do, with urgency, with despair, is say “There is a sandwich in your hands! You are already holding everything you want! What is happening? How can you not see what is so clearly in your possession?”

What this makes me is a terrible listener. To him, his hunger is real, and I am denying his experience. I am being judgmental of his perception and his decision making. I am putting him down right when he is making himself vulnerable by sharing this hunger with me.

If you want to become a better listener, shut up about the sandwich.