Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

Ruth Reymundo Mandel & David Mandel

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These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s ongoing conversations, which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions that keep all of us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing. Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation when it comes to coercive control is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse make it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations, including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions.
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Top 10 Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel Episodes

Goodpods has curated a list of the 10 best Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel episodes, ranked by the number of listens and likes each episode have garnered from our listeners. If you are listening to Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel for the first time, there's no better place to start than with one of these standout episodes. If you are a fan of the show, vote for your favorite Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel episode by adding your comments to the episode page.

Season 2 Episode 21: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When workers are targeted by the perpetrator

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

11/07/21 • 15 min

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In this second installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the important topic of workers being targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. In a few minutes , David & Ruth discuss different ways workers are targeted including:

Manipulation, intimidation and bullying
Threats of or actual lawsuits and complaints lodged with managers, professional boards, or courts
Implied or real threats against family members
Stalking (online or in real life)

Ruth & David also discuss how misogyny, racism or other forms of discrimination can be factors in the targeting of workers.

David & Ruth finish the brief episode with specific suggestions about basic safety and support strategies that agencies can put in place to respond to the behaviors of perpetrators. These include:

Explicitly widen out the concept of worker safety to include intimidation, manipulation, not just explicit threats or acts of violence
Make this wider definition of worker safety a regular part, preventative (not reactive) supervision in cases
Ensure that staff that handle client complaint or review boards are educated around coercive control and pattern based assessments
Performance reviews and human resources procedures need to be consider the impact of threats and intimidation on a worker's performance

About the worker safety and well-being minisode series
The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence-informed systems. This is a series for frontline staff across child protection, mental health and addiction, courts and other systems. We hope it will validate their experiences. This is also a series for human resources managers and organizational leadership. Setting policies and procedures to address worker emotional & professional safety in the context of domestic violence cases is essential to creating a domestic violence-informed agency.

Topics in the series include:

When workers are targeted by the perpetrator of one of the clients
The connection between worker safety in engaging perpetrators and mother-blaming

Join us in-person or online 18-20 March 2025 for the Safe & Together Institute Coercive Control and Children Conference. The event includes a family law track featuring judicial leadership, survivors and lawyers. Whether in Australia or across the globe, you will gain 12 month access to recordings of every session. Register now!

Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."
Visit the Safe & Together Institute website
Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses
Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events

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Episode 18: Survivors aren't Broken! An intimate discussion about support and partnership in relationships impacted by trauma histories

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

07/17/20 • 45 min

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In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, David and Ruth offer a very personal look at relationship dynamics when one partner is a survivor. In response to a request from a survivor to explore this topic, David & Ruth share their personal challenges and rewards of navigating historical abuse. What does living with and partnering with a survivor really look like emotionally and behaviorally? How does one learn to honor and respect the emotional implications historical abuse has inside relationships?
Ruth and David talk about

how David learned about and honored the impact of Ruth's earlier abuse in their relationship and co-parenting
how Ruth's openness about her trauma and her advocacy for the voices of survivors has deepened and enriched David's work.
strategies for both survivors and for those who live, love and work with them about how to navigate trauma, trauma content, trauma emotions and trauma behaviors in a healthy and responsible way that improves trust and collaboration.
how David's personal internal work assisted him in learning the principles of how to partner with survivors

This discussion is truly the place where personal meets professional and is an intimate behavioral look at how partnering looks and feels in relationship and in practice.

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Season 6 Episode 1: "Just Leave": Examining Displacement-Based Responses to Domestic Violence

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

01/02/25 • 35 min

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In this thought-provoking first episode of 2025, David and Ruth explore how displacement-based responses to domestic violence reflect and reinforce gender double standards while often creating additional vulnerabilities for survivors and their children. Recording from the Azores, they examine how the expectation that victims must leave their homes to find safety places unfair burdens on survivors while failing to hold perpetrators accountable.

Key discussion points include:

How displacement-based responses arose historically when women had limited legal and economic rights
Why forcing survivors to leave their homes, financial assets, and support networks creates new vulnerabilities
How displacement can enable post-separation coercive control and increase risks to children
The limitations of defining "safety" only in terms of immediate physical danger or lethality
Why systems need to expand their definition of safety to include stability, wellbeing, and survivor autonomy
How child protection and other systems can inadvertently punish survivors who don't leave while failing to hold perpetrators accountable for creating unsafe conditions

David and Ruth discuss concrete ways to move beyond displacement-based practices, including:

Centering survivor choice, autonomy and definitions of safety/wellbeing
Holding perpetrators accountable for how their behavior disrupts family stability
Creating a fuller range of intervention options beyond emergency shelter
Reframing "failure to protect" to focus on perpetrators' choices that endanger children

Check out these related episodes
Season 5 Episode 12: Challenging the Gospel of Sacrifice: Faith, Domestic Abuse, and Institutional Transformation
Season 5 Episode 9: Partnering vs. Practicing: The Hidden Bias in Professional Crisis Work

Season 5, Episode 10: Beyond Presence: Redefining Responsible Fatherhood in a Domestic Abuse-Informed World

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

10/23/24 • 63 min

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📝 In this thought-provoking episode, we explore the nuanced intersection of father engagement and domestic abuse-informed practice with Chris Brown, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). Our conversation examines how we can thoughtfully promote father involvement while maintaining high standards for men as parents, disrupting gender double standards and keeping the safety and long term wellbeing of children at the center.
🎯 **Key Topics:**
• The historical context behind NFI's founding and evolution of fatherhood programs
• Examining father absence through a domestic abuse-informed lens
• Balancing father engagement with survivor safety and well-being
• The importance of holding perpetrators accountable as parents
• Building community capacity to support safe, stable father involvement
💭 **Notable Quotes:**
"We need to acknowledge fathers as key caregivers while having high expectations for their behavior as parents. Supporting father involvement can't come at the expense of adult and child survivor safety." - David Mandel
"When we talk about father absence, we have to look at the whole picture - including how perpetrator patterns of coercive control contribute to family separation." - Ruth Reymundo Mandel
✨ **Key Takeaways:**
• The need to integrate domestic abuse screening and safety protocols into fatherhood programs
• How gender bias impacts our expectations of fathers vs mothers
• The importance of early intervention to develop parenting skills in boys and young men
• Strategies for practitioners to engage fathers while partnering with survivors
📚 **Resources Mentioned:**
• Safe & Together's Working with Men as Parents training
• Multiple Pathways to Harm framework
• NFI's fatherhood program resources
• Domestic abuse-informed engagement strategies
🔗 **Connect with NFI:**
[https://www.fatherhood.org/](https://www.fatherhood.org/)
🔗 **Connect with Safe & Together Institute:**
[https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/](https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/)
[https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home](https://academy.safeandtogetherinstitute.com/pages/home)
Join us next time as we continue exploring domestic

Season 2 Episode 17: Intervening with Domestic Violence Perpetrators

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

09/18/21 • 70 min

Intervening with perpetrators, who are the source of the harm to child, partner and family functioning, is essential for domestic violence-informed systems. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about the third principle of the Safe & Together Model which focuses on intervening with the perpetrator to reduce risk and harm to children. The conversation covers:

the importance of a broad defintion of "accountability"
how micro -practices around language and documentation are the foundation of accountability in a domestic violence-informed system
how tradition definitions of perpetrator accountability can contribute to racial inequity in the response of systems
how practitioners can increase their capacity to keep the focus on the perpetrator and change (and away from a "failure-to-protect" approach)

Join us on January 13-14 2022 for our fully virtual Europe/North America Safe & Together Model Conference . Go to our website and check out our events page to learn more and to register.

Coercive Control Laws: A discussion with investigative reporter and author Jess Hill

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

01/18/21 • 74 min

Episode 5: Professional Safety & Trauma

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

01/30/20 • 55 min

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In this episode of "Partnered with a Survivor," David and Ruth dive into the huge topic of professionals and their emotional safety and trauma as it intersects with working domestic abuse and child maltreatment. As professionals we all bring experiences and bias into our work, and some of those include our experiences of abuse and violence. Addressing the benefits, challenges and nuances that brings to our work is part of doing the work and increases safety and retention of workers. How does trauma and the judgements we make or the protective patterns of behaviors we adopt impact us in our daily work? Challenges for engagement, documentation, retention and the health and well being of workers are addressed from this lens of what we bring with our own experiences into our professional lives. How trauma needs to be addressed to create sustainability and safety for workers and better outcomes for victims and survivors. Ruth speaks about trauma overlaying on to our experiences both professionally and personally and that part of creating a safe and comfortable professional disclosure is creating a culture which keeps perpetrators and their choices in our view as the cause of that trauma. David & Ruth discuss how important it is to create organizational and system cultures that give permission for professionals to explore those experiences and their effects on their practice without judgement and with the acknowledgment that not all trauma impacts us negatively but can help us bring a sense of empathy and create a safe space for those who we work with. The book Trauma Stewardship by Laura Van Dernoot Lipsky is highlighted as a resource both for individuals, professionals and systems.

Episode 34: 6 Steps to Partnering with Survivors

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

01/16/21 • 66 min

Season 3 Episode 8: Understanding Reproductive Coercion: An Interview with Dr. Heather McCauley

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

08/18/22 • 67 min

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In this episode, David & Ruth continue their series on reproductive coercion as part of the cycle of intimate partner violence with an interview with Dr. Heather McCauley from the Michigan Consortium on Gender Based Violence MSU.
Dr. McCauley discusses the newest research on reproductive coercion, the correlations to intimate partner violence, unwanted pregnancy, STI & health issues.

Reproductive coercion is a common part of perpetrator's patterns of coercive control, violence & abuse.
Condom manipulation & pregnancy coercion are two common ways perpetrators entrap victims in relationships.
Survivors who share children with a perpetrator are often unable to extricate themselves because of societal support, religious beliefs, gender biases & institutional support for the 'authority' of the perpetrator over their victims.
Family court, criminal courts & our systems of care often blame women for having children with perpetrators.
Pregnancy is assumed to be in the control of the survivor, even when domestic violence is known issue.
Women in this situations can face tremendous judgement including being thought of as stupid, promiscuous , failing to understand the impact of domestic violence or choosing to continue a relationship with a perpetrator.
These attitudes further entrap survivors, victimizing them & placing them child survivors in danger.

In this interview, David, Ruth & Dr. McCauley talk about topics like:

How important it is to identify common acts of resistance to reproductive coercion so we accurately assess survivors protective and safety strategies.
How resistance to reproductive coercion often elicits violence - as does any form of resistance to a perpetrator of intimate partner violence.
How a lack of professional awareness of the patterns & strategies of reproductive coercion is a danger to survivors & their safety & wellbeing.
How reproductive coercion is much like the war time strategy of rape to enforce compliance, to frighten & to control.
The need for men to be part of the discussion around consent, family planning & reproductive health & the need for further engagement & accountability f

Episode 34: Partnering with Survivors Saves Lives

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

01/16/21 • 66 min

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FAQ

How many episodes does Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel have?

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel currently has 108 episodes available.

What topics does Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel cover?

The podcast is about News, Society & Culture, Domestic Violence, Abuse, Podcasts, Trauma, Relationships and Politics.

What is the most popular episode on Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel?

The episode title 'Episode 18: Survivors aren't Broken! An intimate discussion about support and partnership in relationships impacted by trauma histories' is the most popular.

What is the average episode length on Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel?

The average episode length on Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel is 58 minutes.

How often are episodes of Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel released?

Episodes of Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel are typically released every 11 days, 23 hours.

When was the first episode of Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel?

The first episode of Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel was released on Jan 12, 2020.

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Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

Ruth Reymundo Mandel & David Mandel

Top 10 Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel Episodes

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What topics does Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel cover?

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