Parenting Teens: The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have Podcast

“Before we went to Hyde, I was parenting from a very angry place.” Ali de Groot, Hyde Alumni Parent

Ali embraced the parenting program, once she realized what was being asked of her, and says that her parenting changed drastically. “We didn’t have to keep saying things like, do your homework, do your homework. 

The parent training taught me to just, one by one, let go of my attachments to all the outcomes and to focus on myself. I was able to treat my daughter much more calmly; I wasn’t angry anymore.”

In this podcast, Ali shares how The Biggest Job Parent program changed her, her parenting, and all her relationships.

Are you a perfectionist? Is it influencing your child to be perfect also?

“Focus instead on who are you as a person, what do you stand for, what do you believe in, what are your deeper principles, and how are you going to live a life that adheres to that? And if you do, you’re going to achieve what you’re meant to achieve, and it’s not a societal standard and it’s not better than other people, it’s your personal best.”  ~ Claire Grant

Claire, who is Executive Director of The Biggest Job Family Program at Hyde School, talks candidly about perfectionism in her own life as a teenager; how it happened, and her struggle to be satisfied with her own effort. She gives tips to parents who might be expecting perfection, and who are parenting out of guilt because they feel they should be more or because they’ve let their kid down in some way.

"Clear limits and boundaries aren’t just nice or good for children and teens; they’re bedrock.”

~ Deborah Roffman: Talk To Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ “Go-To” Person about Sex.

In part two of our series with Debbie Roffman, she teaches us the importance of the five-piece suit of parenting, mentioned briefly in part one. Those five parts are:

1. Affirmation
2. Information
3. Clarity about Values
4. Limits and Boundaries
5. Guidance

She emphasizes the importance of letting our kids know, clearly, what our values are, in all aspects of life including sexuality; of “being the parent;” and to communicate the humanity of being sexual with another human being.

Debbie is referred to by her colleagues as the most articulate professional voice in the US on the need for broad-based human sexuality education. She works with parents, schools and students all across the country.

You can find her at www.talk2mefirst.com.

What can parents do to reduce the chance of teens hurting themselves?

Kirrilie Smout

This is the title of an article (and today’s podcast) with Kirrilie Smout, clinical psychologist and founder of Developing Minds: Helping kids & teens learn life skills & manage tough times, located near Adelaide, Australia.

In a nutshell, Kirrilie says:

• We should do everything we can to help teens be connected with a peer group. (And she gives suggestions on how to do this.)
• We need to help teens learn strategies to cope when they are feeling agitated, stressed, hopeless and overwhelmed. (And she describes some of them.)

In the article, there is a link for some of these strategies:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning/create-beyondnow-safety-plan

Beyond Blue is in Australia, but the coping strategies are universal.  She asked that I give several links in the United States:

https://www.newhavenrtc.com/self-harm-help/effective-therapies-for-adolescent-cutting/

https://www.aamft.org/Consumer_Updates/Adolescent_Self_Harm.aspx

Kirrilie has also written two books that are available through her website: www.developingminds.net.au

• When Life Sucks: ideas and tactics for teens in tough times
• When Life Sucks for Kids: ideas and tips for when you feel mad, worried or sad – or life gets kind of messy.

“I was the kind of parent who was a negotiator; when rules were broken, I would give them an out.”  David Yale – Hyde Alumni Parent

David’s wife died when his daughter was eleven years old. Their parenting style together had been to negotiate with their kids. “We wanted them to be happy,” he says.

With his wife’s untimely death, David had to parent not only through his own grief, but that of his kids. It was inevitable that their happiness was important to him and he says he knows he overcompensated for their loss.

“Ultimately,” he shares, “you have to get to a place as a parent where you deal with your kids’ unhappiness with the higher goal of them becoming well-rounded, high-character people. [The Priority] Taking hold and Letting go taught me that I had to give them some of the tools but at the same time it’s up to them to model the behavior or not and deal with whatever comes out of that.” 

David shares not only what The Biggest Job Parenting Program taught him about his parenting, but also about the community he found within the program.