Opening Weekend

Chest hair, diapers, road trips, Guttenberg and...wait, those aren’t pillows!!!
It’s November 25th, 1987 and the boys take PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES to see THREE MEN AND A BABY on Episode 26 of Opening Weekend
!If you thought Fred’s questioning of his sexuality reached a fever pitch with Hugh Grant on Episode 25, then wait until you hear him positively SWOON over Tom Selleck! Oh, the swooning!

Which 1987 performance was more moving? John Candy’s ‘Del Griffith’ or Jason’s 85 year old Jewish Superman? Oy, the kvetching!

Who was....wait....hold on....Dan, is that...CORN in your ass-crack???

Oh, the humanity.

And the boys present a challenge to their listeners.

Three words: Erotic Fan Fiction.

Go Guttenberg or go home; it’s Episode 26 of Opening Weekend!

“You still wake up sometimes, don't you, Clarice? You wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs. Or is that just Jason watching ‘Nothing But Trouble’?” This week, the boys travel back to February 15, 1991, and the horrifying (for all sorts of different reasons) triple bill of THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, NOTHING BUT TROUBLE, and KING RALPH on Episode 38 of Opening Weekend!

There are certain roles that fit an actor like a nice skin suit made of human flesh: Erudite cannibal, Jewish sailor, scrappy FBI trainee, middle-aged baseball coach, deranged serial killer, drunken ghost... The list goes on and on! But then there are casting announcements like “John Goodman as the King of England” or “Dan Aykroyd as Naked Obese Baby” or “Dan Aykroyd as Penis-Nosed Elderly Man” or “Dan Aykroyd as Film Director” that just... well, they give one pause.

Whether your movie treat of choice is human liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti, a heaping helping of spotted dick, Dan Aykroyd’s gray, wet sausage (don’t ask), or the elusive Mexi Melts of Fred, Dan, and Jason’s Taco Bell-fueled youth (now with 50% less actual man meat!), it’s time to chow down with the least appetizing film trio since two girls met one cup and sink your teeth into Episode 38 of Opening Weekend!

Nic Cage walks into a forest dressed like a bear and punches a woman. No, you’re not having a bad fever dream; you’re just watching one of the movies that opened on September 1, 2006: a week filled with mystery, mayhem, and most of all, misogyny. THE WICKER MAN, CRANK, and IDIOCRACY are being pumped full of adrenaline and then burned alive on Episode 59 of Opening Weekend! (Brought to you by Carl’s Jr).

“I wish I could quit you.” “You complete me.” “I’ll have what she’s having.”

No, the boys aren’t discussing any movies this week REMOTELY related to romance. These are just a few of the things Jason screamed to the rafters in the fall of 2006 as he desperately tried to keep Dan from moving out of their Astoria apartment. To which Dan replied, ““AH, MY LEGS! NOT THE BEES!!! YOU BITCHES!!!!” Or was that Nic Cage? It’s hard to tell, since they were both wearing bear costumes at the time.

Also in September 2006: While Jason Statham was desperately trying to keep his heart beating performing scenes of chaos throughout Los Angeles, Jason and Dan were desperately trying to keep audiences’ hearts beating performing scenes of Chekhov in the basement of a bar in the East Village.

And while Fred was spending the last days of summer soaking up the Tuscan sun, the cast of “Idiocracy” was showing us how we’re all going to be soaking up Gatorade and fast-food during the last days of humanity. And speaking of Gatorade: Fred shows his commitment to non-stop podcasting magic this week....while completely stopping pod-cast magic cold with his own brand of idiocracy. Now leave me alone, I’m ‘batin’....to Episode 59 of Opening Weekend!

“You want to see the most beautiful thing I’ve ever filmed?” Uh, maybe not Mr. Spacey. But we will take a look at AMERICAN BEAUTY and the other two releases from October 1, 1999, THREE KINGS and MYSTERY, ALASKA. Time to look closer...at Episode 61 of Opening Weekend!

It’s the early fall of 1999 and the boys are watching three cinematic game changers: Sam Mendes’ “American Beauty” and its take on repressed, suburban malaise; David O. Russell’s “Three Kings”, with its fever-dream, anti-war prescience; and the biggest game changer of them all, Jay Roach’s “Mystery, Alaska”...because it makes Dan want to literally change the game...from hockey to anything else.

What’s creepier? The way Kevin Spacey ogles Mena Suvari in her cheerleading outfit or the way Jason and Fred ogle George Clooney in his Desert Camo? And asDan enthusiastically repeats stories he told 8 episodes ago about bad jobs, living in Astoria, bad jobs, and living in Astoria (also about bad jobs and living in Astoria), Jason and Fred reminisce about the amazing artistry they witnessed that season: Jason, with the paintings of Norman Rockwell and Drew Sturzan. Fred with the acting prowess of Ed Koch and Drew Barrymore’s Mom.

Put down the camera, Wes Bentley, you’re freaking that dead bird out...and tune into Episode 61 of Opening Weekend!

Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Richard Pryor riding a flying shark over the Sarlacc pit...in 3-D!!! This week the boys celebrate the beginning of spring with a look back at some of the biggest 1983-quels: JAWS 3-D, SUPERMAN III, and RETURN OF THE JEDI! Special Guest, Kevin Shinick (Robot Chicken, Marvel, DC) returns to join in on the fun. No, Admiral Ackbar, it’s NOT a trap, it’s just Episode 75 of OPENING WEEKEND!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, there comes a third dimension of terror: Simon McCorkindale.

Ah, the spring of 1983. A truly wondrous time for Fred, Jason, Dan, and Kevin: so much anticipation, so much excitement, so little clothes on Carrie Fisher.

De Wanna Wanga? Yes please!

As the visitors of SeaWorld were losing their heads, arms, and legs to a 3-D shark puppet, young Jason was losing his mind in the back of a comic-book shop to a stack of 2D Mad Magazines.

And speaking of mad, you do NOT want to mess with Mrs. Shinick, lest you wanna get yourself grounded the night the new Star Wars movie opens! Momma don’t PLAY, Kevin!

While young Dan was being tortured by the images of floating 3-D fish heads, Fred was being tortured trying to avoid sneaking a peak at the “Return of the Jedi” comic book before seeing the movie...and by every single second of Superman III.

As the Ewoks sang, “Yub nub, ee chop yub nub!” Which translated means, “Pass me some more of that Colombian nose candy, Dennis Quaid!”

Throw back some Johnny Walker Red, Supes, ‘cus it’s Episode 75 of Opening Weekend...in 3-D (3 Dummies)