The Modern Mum Needs A New Village

09/30/22 • 24 min

Motherhood today is very different from what it was before. Sure, we go through the same process, conceiving, being pregnant for about 40 weeks, giving birth, breastfeeding, tacking tantrums and raising these little humans to be well-adjusted adults.

But in reality, so many things have changed in our fast-growing, technologically advancing world. How we parent now differs from how our parents and grandparents looked after us.

According to Dr, Harvey Karp, he states that "No woman has ever had to do as much, on her own, as the modern mother. We don't have the same family or neighbourhood structure anymore.'

The key word here is ON HER OWN.
In the last decade, there has been steep growth in self-help and awareness around childhood trauma has meant that we now have a higher standard of parenting, but our support system(Village) has grown smaller. The excess stress and pressure from everyday life as well as social media platforms have led to an increase in maternal mental health issues.

Here are four things we can do to mitigate this situation. I have named this FAST.
F A STing is a spiritual practice many cultures agree is beneficial as it cleanses and gives clarity. We aren't discussing fasting today, but I think this acronym has a nice right to it.

So F means

· Find a new village- This can be in the form of car sharing, troubles and triumphs and taking turns for babysitting so that you can have the odd date night. Your village can also be virtual. I am part of absolutely remarkable facebook groups for mums where people ask questions on any topic, and the responses are very supportive and helpful.

· Ask for help—Everyone needs help and support. You aren't weak when you ask for help. On the contrary, it may be one of the bravest things you do. Knowing you are struggling or have an area of weakness, then seeking help to solve the issue is brave. If you can afford it, pay for help. Either a nanny or a cleaner that can come a few times a week to help you around the house.

· Set aside some time daily for self-care. This may be about 30mins- 1 hour, where you aren't doing anything for anyone except yourself. I know mums who get up 30 minutes earlier so they can have that time alone in the morning to work out, meditate, or do yoga. It could seem like a lot, but prioritizing this rejuvenates you to handle your responsibilities.

It could even be a 30 mins nap, a spa date, or even a home facial. Do what you feel you need to do to recuperate. Call a friend that you know can make you laugh. Laughter is therapeutic.

· Talk to someone. If you find yourself feeling low or even unclear about certain things, talk to someone. Talk to a therapist and get medical help from a healthcare professional. You will be surprised how many people are in a similar situation.

https://open.spotify.com/show/2jcvzwY2fO57JRr0XlEElr?si=49e2d8afb5dc4d72

But in reality, so many things have changed in our fast-growing, technologically advancing world. How we parent now differs from how our parents and grandparents looked after us.

According to Dr, Harvey Karp, he states that "No woman has ever had to do as much, on her own, as the modern mother. We don't have the same family or neighbourhood structure anymore.'

So F means

It could even be a 30 mins nap, a spa date, or even a home facial. Do what you feel you need to do to recuperate. Call a friend that you know can make you laugh. Laughter is therapeutic.

https://open.spotify.com/show/2jcvzwY2fO57JRr0XlEElr?si=49e2d8afb5dc4d72

Next Episode

Our Children's Mental Health

In this episode, we discussed our children's wellness and mental well-being. We explored how we get them to speak up if they are stressed or are going through a tough time. What the signs are and what to look out for that will indicate when there is an issue. How do we resolve a crisis? We had the pleasure of having Naomi. Naomi is a qualified counsellor and social worker with over 10 years of experience. She has helped adults and now works with children with serious mental health difficulties in her 9 to 5 job. For the last 3 years, Naomi has been using this powerful knowledge and skills to benefit the BAME community who may experience barriers in looking after their mental health through TWP, which is celebrating being registered as a community interest company.
We started with a question posted anonymously by a parent who says her daughter has anxiety and is refusing to go to school. Naomi defined what mental health is.
Based on the definition, we explored different scenarios and explained whether we could classify certain things, such as bullying, as a social or mental health concern.
According to the mental health of America’s website, these are some of the core ingredients for building a solid foundation for stable mental health for our children .

Unconditional love from family
Self-confidence and high self-esteem
The opportunity to play with other children
Encouraging teachers and supportive caretakers
Safe and secure surroundings
Appropriate guidance and discipline

However, we know that life happens we aren't always able to achieve the list above. Naomi mentions that just as physical scars heal, we also have mental scars. It is important to know our children will also have mental scars. But form a good relationship with them so they can speak to you if there are in a crisis. If communication is a problem, seek a mental health practitioner or a child therapist to help resolve the issue.
Bear in mind mitigating mental health issues isn't a sprint; it is a marathon. Patience will be needed, and open lines of communication between all parties involved.

Below is a list of things to do to build our children's confidence and improve their mental wellness.

Be Honest - Do not hide your failures from your children. They need to know that we all make mistakes. It can be very reassuring to know that adults are not perfect.
Avoid Sarcastic Remarks - If a child loses a game or fails a test, find out how he or she feels about the situation. Children may get discouraged and need a pep talk. Later, when they are ready, talk and offer assurance.
Apologise when you offend them: It doesn't make you weak or make them weak on the contrary, it makes them stronger and more emotionally intelligent.
Encourage children - To not only strive to do their best but also to enjoy the process. Trying new activities teaches children about teamwork, self-esteem and new skill.
Get knowledge and equip yourself. There are a lot of free parenting courses and mental health courses. From autism awareness to managing anger issues etc.
Speak to a qualified mental health practitioner if applicable.
Keep open lines of communication with teachers, school counsellors and all involved in your child's care.

Links to Parenting courses on Brit Safe Mental Health First Aid Course
https://www.britsafe.org
Free Mental Health Courses
https://mentalhealthcourses.org.uk/
Free Parenting Courses-
https://theaimgroup.co.uk/courses
Most UK local authorities run parenting and mental health courses

https://open.spotify.com/show/2jcvzwY2fO57JRr0XlEElr?si=49e2d8afb5dc4d72