Turning From Bullying Part 1

09/13/23 • 32 min

"Before you hate, think of Cait." This is the statement that began P.E.E.R. Kindness, an organization started by our guest, Maya Haynes, after her teenage daughter Cait completed suicide in 2015.
I am joined today by Maya Haynes, the mother of a young woman who in her teens completed suicide as a result of being bullied. Sharing from her own experiences during and since that time, she tells us that many of the kids who observed this behavior toward her daughter had reported it, with no results. Therefore, even though they witnessed it, they did not know what to do.
From the voices of her daughter's classmates and other community members, Maya formed P.E.E.R. Kindness, an organization dedicated to helping communities combat bullying behaviors by helping both those bullied as well as those who bully others. They offer tools, education and support to students, teachers, parents and community members who are trying to turn the tide in bullying situations. Her goal is to increase that percentage by helping students feel empowered to stand up for their fellow students.
Maya shares the concerns of students and parents who are asking, "What is bullying, what is not? When do I step in, when do I not? What is normal conflict?" She related a classic example of cruel, repetitive behavior toward her daughter that demonstrates what bullying clearly looks like. While teaching the students what to say and do, she states that 57% of bullying stops when peers intervene by saying, "Stop that. We don't do that here." She wants to increase that percentage. She says that for both the one who stands up and the one who is being bullied, there is a change in the way they see themselves, feel empowered and this can change the culture where the bullying is being perpetrated.
Maya shares many tips and tools in this episode for turning the tide on the bullying epidemic in our schools, communities, country and world.
Find out more information about P.E.E.R. Kindness and connect with Maya Haynes, or find resources to start turning the tide on bullying in your area, go to:
https://www.peerkindness.net/
To connect with Laura Padgett, host of this podcast, go to
https://lauralpadgett.com/
To check out music from April Metzler, go to
https://aprildmetzler.com/home/music

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Turning to Lead Together

Today, I’m joined by Annie Perdue-Olson, a certified coach with a Masters of Arts in Human Resources and Change Leadership. Annie has fifteen years in her current coaching work of helping leaders and teams be healthier in their relationships and workplace processes. In this episode Annie stresses the impact of three particular issues in leadership roles. Those are feeling overwhelmed, dealing with people problems and facing testing of confidence.
Overwhelmed feelings can impact personal and spiritual health in a negative way when leaders and/or team members do not balance the tension between the product and people's needs. She encourages leaders to know themselves, their strengths and brilliance. She encourages us to slow down sometimes, get mentors, meditate and play. She talks about her own experiences but acknowledges that everyone reacts to being overwhelmed differently. In her practice she uses various assessment tools to help her clients see their strengths.
Annie tells us that grace is a big part of being a good and effective leader. Instead of being in control of outcomes we need to practice grace and understanding that others are not perfect and neither are we. People problems can often be avoided by understanding grace and not expecting others to be just like us. She emphasizes that when we let go of outcomes, we can avoid the heaviness of the burden to change others.
While addressing the testing of our confidence, she encourages us to shift or pivot in mindset and let go of negative messages. She tells us to view ourselves in view of God's grace and love, not through the lens of not being able to complete tasks or lead effectively. She says that confidence is built, sustained and restored (when lost) by reflecting on those times when we have experienced victories and felt like we have accomplished what we set out to do.
To learn more of Annie's amazing and powerful work, visit her website at https://www.leadingbettertogether.com. This is a one-stop shopping spot for hearing her podcast episodes from "Lead Your Leaders" Podcast, reading her blogs and finding her social media as well as seeing all she offers in her business of coaching leaders.
To catch up with Gabriel Tafoya, the composer, producer and performer of the song "The Pivot" on this episode, go to [email protected]
The website to connect with Laura Padgett is https://lauralpadgett.com

Next Episode

Turning From Bullying Part 2

"Before you hate, think of Cait." This is the statement that began P.E.E.R. Kindness, an organization started by our guest, Maya Haynes, after her teenage daughter Cait completed suicide in 2015.
In the second part of this two-part series on turning the tide on bullying, my guest Maya Haynes and I discuss some of the tools her organization PEER Kindness utilizes to help identify this behavior and take steps to change it. She and her team go into schools and out into communities to share what can be done to identify, intervene and report such behavior.
Talking with students, educators and parents, as well as various entities like churches, she empowers those who are being bullied, those who are watching this and the families dealing with the person who bullies and the one who is bullied. She also shares some insights into why people bully. We discuss the examples many adults display and thereby make bullying behaviors seem acceptable.
She gave one example of being able to help a young man who had been displaying bullying behaviors for many years. They did this by working with equine therapy to teach compassion. This was a turning point for this young man's life as well as his family's. Giving details of resources and services offered by PEER Kindness, Maya emphasizes the need to address all aspects of bullying with coaching, counseling and various therapies depending upon individual and family needs. She also reminds us that we do indeed need each other to accomplish a safer school and community environment for everyone.
We talked, at length, about young people in our society witnessing the way adults treat each other with unkindness and incivility. Then, seeing those behaviors as examples of how to disagree and/or communicate, they put these tactics into practice too. Whether we admit it or not, young people watch and often imitate the behaviors of the adults in their lives. She offers some practical steps to help us return to civility in our interactions as adults, so we can better help our kids to interact with civility in their relationships as well.
Find out more information about P.E.E.R. Kindness and connect with Maya Haynes, or find resources to start turning the tide on bullying in your area, go to:
https://www.peerkindness.net/
To connect with Laura Padgett, host of this podcast, go to
https://lauralpadgett.com/
To check out music from April Metzler, go to
https://aprildmetzler.com/home/music