#44. If Your Theology Stops Obedience...

04/19/22 • 8 min

When it comes to fulfilling the great commission in our families (to teach our children to obey Jesus), sometimes our Christian conundrums paralyse us:

Should we expect children will learn to obey when we know they have a sinful nature? Is it even possible this side of Genesis 3?
Should we expect obedience (and give consequences for disobedience) when the Bible tells us that “no one is righteous, not even one”?
Will teaching obedience to Jesus leave kids thinking they merit God’s favour by their own goodness?
Will training our children to obey Jesus make them think they don’t need God’s forgiveness?
When I’ve told my child to put her bowl in the sink, and she doesn’t, am I correcting a very young Christian or a very young unbeliever? Does it make any difference?
When I pray with my child, should I expect she will learn to pray with me, or just listen in? Is it wrong to teach my children to pray when I don’t know if they are actually Christians? Does God welcome their prayers? Is it teaching them to be presumptuous?
Should we teach kids to say sorry to others and God before they understand the significance of what they’re doing? Isn’t this teaching them formulaic hypocrisy?
Will teaching obedience make Christianity distasteful to them, leading to rebellion against Jesus down the track?
Isn’t obedience the same as legalism—the thing which undermines the gospel of grace?
Isn’t our job just to teach the Bible, then kids will work out obedience for themselves eventually?
Doesn’t behaviour follow belief? How can children behave a certain way if they don’t believe, or are not yet cognitively able to understand the ideas which Christian belief is made from? If our children haven’t come to the place of independent belief, how is it possible for them to obey Jesus?
If it is only God’s work which can change our child’s heart, what could parents possibly do to help their children obey?
Since we’re saved by grace, why should we care about teaching our children to obey?

These questions come out of distorted, half-baked doctrinal ideas. But if our ideas from the Bible make us less inclined to obey Jesus, something needs to change.

When it comes to fulfilling the great commission in our families (to teach our children to obey Jesus), sometimes our Christian conundrums paralyse us:

Should we expect children will learn to obey when we know they have a sinful nature? Is it even possible this side of Genesis 3?
Should we expect obedience (and give consequences for disobedience) when the Bible tells us that “no one is righteous, not even one”?
Will teaching obedience to Jesus leave kids thinking they merit God’s favour by their own goodness?
Will training our children to obey Jesus make them think they don’t need God’s forgiveness?
When I’ve told my child to put her bowl in the sink, and she doesn’t, am I correcting a very young Christian or a very young unbeliever? Does it make any difference?
When I pray with my child, should I expect she will learn to pray with me, or just listen in? Is it wrong to teach my children to pray when I don’t know if they are actually Christians? Does God welcome their prayers? Is it teaching them to be presumptuous?
Should we teach kids to say sorry to others and God before they understand the significance of what they’re doing? Isn’t this teaching them formulaic hypocrisy?
Will teaching obedience make Christianity distasteful to them, leading to rebellion against Jesus down the track?
Isn’t obedience the same as legalism—the thing which undermines the gospel of grace?
Isn’t our job just to teach the Bible, then kids will work out obedience for themselves eventually?
Doesn’t behaviour follow belief? How can children behave a certain way if they don’t believe, or are not yet cognitively able to understand the ideas which Christian belief is made from? If our children haven’t come to the place of independent belief, how is it possible for them to obey Jesus?
If it is only God’s work which can change our child’s heart, what could parents possibly do to help their children obey?
Since we’re saved by grace, why should we care about teaching our children to obey?

These questions come out of distorted, half-baked doctrinal ideas. But if our ideas from the Bible make us less inclined to obey Jesus, something needs to change.

Previous Episode

Teaching Kids to Obey Jesus {Think Aloud Chat}

This is another audio-only free think about some aspects of teaching kids obedience, shared casually over my kitchen sink. These think-aloud chats are a bit of a birds-eye view from 17 years of parenting six kids (ie. lots of years not being able to ignore the realities of obedience!).

You can find the long train of thought (mostly in article form, all available in audio) at Light Duties.

Next Episode

#45a. Ideas That Hinder Obedience: Total Depravity

Should we expect children will learn to obey when we know they have a sinful nature? Is it even possible this side of Genesis 3?

The fallen, sinful nature does not completely erase the divine likeness every human being bears. If our thinking about total depravity has us conclude that no child can ever learn to obey at all, that they are beyond instruction and correction, that their lack of obedience is inevitably permanent, that they are unrestrainable, then we’ve not understood enough of the doctrine...

What if kids learning to obey parents is a gift of God's common grace, whether people are Christian or not?