Overcoming Infertility Anxiety: Embracing Relaxation and Self-Worth on Vacation

08/20/24 • 15 min

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

Welcome and Personal Update

Vacation Preparation: Lana discusses the anxiety she felt as she prepared for her first vacation since leaving her corporate job, and how this trip is a significant change from her previous work-focused vacations.

Upcoming Free Coaching Class

Free Webinar Announcement: Lana is hosting a free coaching class on September 10th at 6 PM CT. This session is designed to help those who struggle with responding to the question, "Do you have children?"
Registration Details: You can sign up here: Sign Up for the Free Webinar. For those unable to attend live, a replay will be sent to all registered participants.

Today's Topic: Unpacking Anxiousness Around Vacation

Working with a Life Coach: Lana explains how her recent session with her life coach brought up feelings of anxiety related to not working during her vacation. This was the first time she would be traveling without the responsibilities of her former corporate job.
Past Corporate Life: Lana reflects on her time working in the medical field, where she often felt tethered to her job even during vacations. She recounts moments where she would hide in the bathroom to take work calls, illustrating how deeply her identity was tied to her work.

The Link Between Work and Self-Worth

Job as Identity: Lana discusses how, for many women who are childless not by choice, their careers become a major source of validation and worthiness. She shares her own experience of feeling successful and validated through her job, especially after the emotional toll of infertility treatments.
Common Struggles in Life After Infertility: Lana touches on how many women in her Thrive After Infertility Mastermind program face similar challenges—using work as a way to measure success and self-worth, often driven by the label of being a "failed patient" in fertility treatments.

Coaching Insights: Learning to Relax

Feelings Work: During her coaching session, Lana did some “feelings work” to identify where her anxiety was manifesting physically. This exercise helped her realize she had difficulty relaxing and not working on vacation.
Nervousness About Free Time: Lana also uncovered nervousness about spending uninterrupted time with her husband, despite their close relationship and shared love for travel. She questioned whether she knew how to enjoy downtime without the distraction of work.
Reframing Vacation: By the end of her coaching session, Lana decided to allow herself to fully enjoy her vacation without the pressure to work. She prepared her business tasks in advance and planned to focus on reading—a goal aligned with her vision board.

Vision Board and Intentions for Vacation

Choosing Activities Over Work: Lana shares how she selected two books to bring on vacation, aiming to replace any urges to work with reading. She emphasized the importance of aligning her vacation activities with the intentions on her vision board, which included relaxation and quality time with her husband, not working.
Vision Board Inspiration: Lana encourages listeners to revisit her Instagram post from August 7th to see her vision board, which visually represents her goals for relaxation and connection during her vacation.

Final Thoughts and Invitation to Connect

Free Coaching Session Offer: If this resonates with you and you'd like to talk through anything that's been holding you back, I’d love to help. You can schedule a free Thrive Session with me using this link: Schedule a Thrive Session.

Conclusion

Encouragement: Lana closes the episode by acknowledging that none of us need to work during vacation and encourages listeners to embrace relaxation and enjoyment fully.

Welcome and Personal Update

Vacation Preparation: Lana discusses the anxiety she felt as she prepared for her first vacation since leaving her corporate job, and how this trip is a significant change from her previous work-focused vacations.

Upcoming Free Coaching Class

Free Webinar Announcement: Lana is hosting a free coaching class on September 10th at 6 PM CT. This session is designed to help those who struggle with responding to the question, "Do you have children?"
Registration Details: You can sign up here: Sign Up for the Free Webinar. For those unable to attend live, a replay will be sent to all registered participants.

Today's Topic: Unpacking Anxiousness Around Vacation

Working with a Life Coach: Lana explains how her recent session with her life coach brought up feelings of anxiety related to not working during her vacation. This was the first time she would be traveling without the responsibilities of her former corporate job.
Past Corporate Life: Lana reflects on her time working in the medical field, where she often felt tethered to her job even during vacations. She recounts moments where she would hide in the bathroom to take work calls, illustrating how deeply her identity was tied to her work.

The Link Between Work and Self-Worth

Job as Identity: Lana discusses how, for many women who are childless not by choice, their careers become a major source of validation and worthiness. She shares her own experience of feeling successful and validated through her job, especially after the emotional toll of infertility treatments.
Common Struggles in Life After Infertility: Lana touches on how many women in her Thrive After Infertility Mastermind program face similar challenges—using work as a way to measure success and self-worth, often driven by the label of being a "failed patient" in fertility treatments.

Coaching Insights: Learning to Relax

Feelings Work: During her coaching session, Lana did some “feelings work” to identify where her anxiety was manifesting physically. This exercise helped her realize she had difficulty relaxing and not working on vacation.
Nervousness About Free Time: Lana also uncovered nervousness about spending uninterrupted time with her husband, despite their close relationship and shared love for travel. She questioned whether she knew how to enjoy downtime without the distraction of work.
Reframing Vacation: By the end of her coaching session, Lana decided to allow herself to fully enjoy her vacation without the pressure to work. She prepared her business tasks in advance and planned to focus on reading—a goal aligned with her vision board.

Vision Board and Intentions for Vacation

Choosing Activities Over Work: Lana shares how she selected two books to bring on vacation, aiming to replace any urges to work with reading. She emphasized the importance of aligning her vacation activities with the intentions on her vision board, which included relaxation and quality time with her husband, not working.
Vision Board Inspiration: Lana encourages listeners to revisit her Instagram post from August 7th to see her vision board, which visually represents her goals for relaxation and connection during her vacation.

Final Thoughts and Invitation to Connect

Free Coaching Session Offer: If this resonates with you and you'd like to talk through anything that's been holding you back, I’d love to help. You can schedule a free Thrive Session with me using this link: Schedule a Thrive Session.

Conclusion

Encouragement: Lana closes the episode by acknowledging that none of us need to work during vacation and encourages listeners to embrace relaxation and enjoyment fully.

Previous Episode

Letting Go of Disappointment After IVF

Introduction

Welcome back, gorgeous! By the time you listen to this, I’ll be in Turek, Poland, celebrating a family wedding. As excited as I am about this trip, I want to share something equally important with you—how to let go of the disappointment that often follows unsuccessful IVF and infertility treatments. If you’re struggling with feelings of failure or sadness because you couldn’t have children after all your efforts, this episode is for you.

Free Webinar: How to Handle Awkward Questions About Kids

Before we dive in, I want to remind you about a free webinar I’m hosting on September 10th at 6 PM Central Time. This class is designed to help you navigate those awkward and painful moments when someone asks, “Do you have kids?” We’ll discuss how to respond with confidence and self-compassion. If you can’t attend live, you’ll receive a replay—just make sure to register here.

Understanding the Root of Disappointment After IVF

In this episode, we explore how disappointment often stems from self-judgment. When you’ve tried everything to become a mother and it hasn’t worked out, it’s easy to feel like you’ve let yourself and others down. But is this disappointment truly warranted? We’ll discuss how to reframe these feelings and stop allowing them to define your self-worth.

Why Disappointment Feels So Overwhelming

Feeling disappointed in yourself can be exponentially more painful than being disappointed in others. We talk about why these emotions can be so powerful and how they often keep us from trying new things out of fear that we won’t meet our expectations. Learn how to quiet the loud voice of disappointment and take steps toward self-forgiveness.

Creating a New Narrative for Yourself

Living a life of disappointment is not something you signed up for, and it’s certainly not something you deserve. We’ll explore how to create a new narrative—one where you’re not defined by your ability to have children, but by your strength, resilience, and the meaningful life you can still build. This is a crucial part of the work we do in the Thrive After Infertility Mastermind.

Letting Go of Perfectionism and Embracing Acceptance

Many women who undergo fertility treatments are high achievers, accustomed to setting goals and reaching them. When motherhood isn’t one of those achievements, it’s easy to feel like a failure. In this episode, I discuss how to let go of the perfectionism that might be holding you back and embrace acceptance and self-compassion instead.

Personal Stories of Disappointment and Healing

I share my own journey with disappointment—how I felt like I let down my family, my husband’s family, and myself. We’ll talk about the healing power of realizing that you are not a disappointment and that it’s okay to let go of these negative emotions.

Schedule a Free Thrive Session

If this episode resonates with you and you feel stuck in your journey, I’m here to help. You can schedule a free Thrive Session with me to talk through the things that are holding you back and start working towards a more fulfilled and joyful life. Book your session here.

Get Your Free Resource: 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to Respond

Finally, I’ve created a resource that I think you’ll find invaluable—27 Things People Say When You’re Childless and How to Respond. It’s free and available here!

Thank you for listening! Remember, it’s never too late to discover your meaning, and you are not defined by your ability to have children. Have a beautiful week, and I’ll catch up with you from Italy next time!

Connect with Me: https://lana-manikowski.myflodesk.com/webinar

Instagram: @LanaManikowski
YouTube: Lana Manikowski
Free Download: The Top 27 Things People Say When You are Childless

Next Episode

Managing Back-to-School Season When You’re Childless After Infertility

Welcome to this week's episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast! In this episode, we're diving into a subject that many women who are childless after infertility can relate to—managing emotions during back-to-school season when you weren’t able to have kids. This time of year can bring a mix of emotions—sadness, frustration, comparison, and even a deep sense of loss—as you see friends, family, and social media filled with photos of children heading off to school.

For those of us who went through infertility treatments and now find ourselves living a life without children, back-to-school season can be a stark reminder of what we hoped for and what didn’t come to pass. It’s easy to feel as though life is moving forward for everyone else while you’re stuck watching from the sidelines. In this episode, we’ll explore how to manage these emotions with self-compassion and how to break free from the comparisons that can drain your joy and sense of worth.

What to Expect in This Episode:

Why Back-to-School Season is Emotionally Difficult for Women Who Are Childless After Infertility: We’ll discuss the complex emotions that can arise during this time of year—whether it’s seeing kids with their backpacks heading off to their first day of school or hearing friends share their back-to-school routines. We’ll explore how these reminders can trigger grief and feelings of being left out.
How Comparison Undermines Your Wellbeing: Comparison is a common reaction, especially for women who are childless after infertility. We’ll break down why women in this situation often find themselves comparing their lives to those of women with children, and how this comparison cycle can prevent you from fully embracing your life.
Validating Your Feelings: It’s important to give yourself permission to feel the sadness, anger, or jealousy that can surface during back-to-school season. I’ll share why acknowledging and validating your emotions is essential, and how it can actually be a powerful step toward healing.
Practicing Self-Compassion: We’ll talk about how to be gentle with yourself when feelings of self-judgment creep in. It’s common to think that your life is lacking or that you’re somehow less worthy because you didn’t have children. I’ll offer practical strategies to help you show yourself more kindness and acceptance.
Reframing the Back-to-School Experience: While back-to-school season can be challenging, it’s also an opportunity to shift your focus toward celebrating the unique and fulfilling life you’ve built. We’ll explore how you can create new traditions during this time of year that reflect your growth and achievements—whether or not they involve children.

Why This Episode Matters for Women Who Are Childless After Infertility

If you’ve gone through infertility treatments and ultimately didn’t have children, back-to-school season can be a particularly emotional time. It can feel like a constant reminder of what you longed for and the life you imagined. Everywhere you turn, there are photos and stories of children going off to school, which can stir up feelings of grief, longing, and exclusion.

But it’s important to remember that you are not alone in these feelings. Many women who are childless not by choice experience these same emotions, and they’re valid. Through this episode, I want to offer you the tools to manage those emotions, so that back-to-school season doesn’t have to feel like a painful reminder of what didn’t happen, but rather a time for self-compassion, reflection, and growth.

Episode Takeaways:

Understand why back-to-school season can be emotionally challenging for women who are childless after infertility.
Learn how comparison can undermine your sense of worth and prevent you from fully embracing your life without children.
Discover the importance of validating your emotions and showing yourself compassion during this emotional season.
Get practical tips for reframing your experience of back-to-school season and finding fulfillment in your own unique journey.

If back-to-school season has been tough for you, or if you’ve found yourself feeling triggered by the children and families around you, this episode is here to support you. Tune in to learn how to navigate these difficult emotions with grace and self-compassion, and how to find peace—even when your life looks different than what you once imagined.

Links and Resources:

Free Guide - The Top 27 Things People Say When you are Childless (..and how to respond): Get your copy here
Sign up for my FREE coaching class on September 10th: Click here to registerThis class will teach you how to confidently handle the question, “How many kids do you have?” with ease and...