IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

Hey there! It's been quite a week in the media, and I felt compelled to address some comments circulating about childless women being miserable. As someone who deeply values integrity, especially in my role as a life coach supporting women crafting fulfilling lives without children, I want to make it clear: this isn't about politics, and it never will be. My goal here is to provide a space where all women, regardless of political affiliation, can feel supported and understood.

This week's episode is a response to the myth that women who are childless are inherently unhappy. As someone who once immersed myself in politics, even working in Washington, D.C., I understand the power of narratives. But as I shifted my focus to life coaching, I chose to step back from the constant news cycle, focusing instead on creating a positive and supportive environment.

I rarely watch the news now, and some might say I live in a bubble. To that, I say, yes, I do—and I value the peace it brings me. It's important to me to curate my environment, choosing what influences I allow in. While I care deeply about the future, my energy is better spent fostering a supportive community for women like us—women who are childless, not by choice, but because of infertility.

The idea that childless women are miserable is a damaging stereotype rooted in outdated societal expectations. It suggests that a woman's worth and happiness are tied solely to her ability to have children. But this couldn't be further from the truth. Many women, whether by choice or circumstance, lead rich, fulfilling lives filled with purpose and joy. That's the message I share weekly on this podcast.

Experiencing childlessness, especially after infertility, can indeed bring moments of deep sadness or even misery. These feelings are valid and normal. It's essential to acknowledge them without self-judgment. Remember, it's okay to have days that aren't filled with joy. This doesn't mean you're failing or destined for a life of unhappiness. It simply means you're human.

Fulfillment doesn't come from one single source, like motherhood. It's found in relationships, hobbies, careers, personal growth, and so many other areas. Happiness and purpose are not linear; they come from a diverse range of experiences. We are multifaceted beings, capable of finding joy and meaning in various aspects of our lives.

If you're feeling stuck in sadness or finding it hard to move past these negative feelings, now might be the time to explore new communities and support systems. Whether it's through a local group, social media, or programs like my "Thrive After Infertility Mastermind," connecting with others can be a powerful way to rediscover joy and purpose.

To those who believe that childless women are miserable, we can't change everyone's mind. But we can change how we see ourselves. It's about proving to ourselves that we can create and enjoy a fulfilling life. If you're feeling down or questioning your worth, remember that you're deserving of happiness and fulfillment, just like anyone else.

Life is full of ups and downs, and that's okay. It's about embracing the full spectrum of emotions and not judging ourselves for feeling anything less than perfect. Happiness and sadness can coexist, and that's what makes our journey authentic and meaningful.

As you navigate these challenging emotions, remember that you're not alone. It's never too late to find meaning and create a life you love. I hope you have a beautiful week, filled with moments that remind you of your worth and potential. I love you all, and I can't wait to connect with you again next week. Take care!

On this episode, we're diving into a topic that often gets overlooked: embracing abundance after infertility. It's something many of us struggle with because we rarely see examples of women thriving in a life that doesn't include motherhood. That's precisely what inspired me to start this podcast — to fill that gap and provide a space where we can explore where these communities exist, how to navigate difficult interactions with those who don't understand, and finding acceptance and peace on our unique paths.

I remember vividly the moment my reproductive endocrinologist gently recommended against further IVF cycles. It was like a ton of bricks crashing down, leaving me unsure of what lay ahead. Deciding not to pursue adoption or egg donation wasn't easy either. I wasn't prepared to just bounce back; healing takes time, and it's okay to sit with those emotions.

If you're feeling lost in this journey right now, please know you're not alone. There's no timeline for healing, no one-size-fits-all approach. But when you're ready to take that next step toward reclaiming your life and finding joy again, that's what today's episode is all about.

Navigating conversations where people offer well-meaning but insensitive remarks can be challenging. "Just relax, it'll happen," or "You can always adopt," aren't always helpful. It's important to assert our boundaries and share our stories authentically. You deserve to be heard and respected in your journey.

Finding supportive communities is crucial. While social media can be a lifeline, it's also important to curate your feed mindfully. Surround yourself with voices that uplift and inspire you. Consider joining support groups or programs like Thrive after Infertility, where you not only find connection but also actionable steps to shape a life you love.

Creating or joining local meetups can also be incredibly fulfilling. I started one myself, and it's grown into a vibrant community of women celebrating life beyond motherhood. It's about finding spaces where you can be yourself, where you don't have to explain or justify your path.

As you embark on this journey of rediscovery, think about who you want to be six months from now. Take small steps toward that vision, whether it's engaging more deeply with supportive communities or setting boundaries on social media. Your journey is unique, and your path forward is yours to define.

If you're looking for practical tips on handling insensitive comments or starting conversations about your journey, check out this free resource I created just for you. It's call The Top 27 Things People Say When you Are Childless...and How to Respond.

Remember, it's never too late to redefine what brings meaning to your life. Thank you for being here with me today. I cherish our time together and look forward to connecting again next week.

Until then, take care of yourself and know that you're not alone on this journey. You are seen, you are heard, and your story matters. Here's to embracing the abundance that awaits us all.

Infertility and Self-Blame: It’s Time to Let Go of Guilt After IVF and Fertility Treatments Failed

Have you ever found yourself questioning every decision you made on your fertility journey? Wondering if you should have started trying sooner, chosen a different doctor, lost more weight, or pursued another round of IVF? If self-blame has become a constant companion after infertility and failed fertility treatments, you are not alone. So many women who are childless after infertility carry a heavy burden of guilt, believing that somehow, they could have done something differently to change the outcome.

But here’s the truth: infertility was never your fault. You did the best you could with the information, resources, and circumstances you had at the time. Blaming yourself isn’t helping - it’s keeping you stuck. It’s time to stop carrying the weight of guilt and start moving toward a future that feels fulfilling, even without the children you dreamed of.

💔 Why infertility and self-blame go hand in hand—and how to break free from the cycle of guilt 💬 The most common thoughts women have after failed IVF and fertility treatments—and why they aren’t true 🔗 How guilt impacts your relationships, marriage, and self-worth—and how to rebuild confidence ✨ The truth about control—why infertility was never in your hands and why it's time to let go of the illusion that you could have changed the outcome 🌱 How to release self-blame and start moving forward—without the weight of infertility guilt holding you back

If infertility has left you feeling like you failed, it’s time for a new perspective. You are not broken. Your worth is not measured by motherhood. And most importantly—you don’t have to carry this guilt alone.

If you’re ready to move forward and release the blame you’ve been holding onto, I invite you to join me for a free Thrive Call. This is your opportunity to talk about where you are, how self-blame is impacting your life, and what it would feel like to finally let it go. Together, we’ll create a plan to help you take the first step toward a future that feels meaningful, even without the children you longed for.

🔗 Schedule your free call here: Book a Thrive Call

📖 My book So Now What? launches on April 2nd! I need your help choosing the final back cover design. Head over to my Instagram (@lana.manikowski), check out my latest reels, and vote for your favorite. I’m also giving away signed copies—stay tuned for details on how to enter!

💌 FREE RESOURCE: If you’ve ever struggled with what to say when people make insensitive comments about your childlessness, I have something for you. Download The Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless (...and how to respond) for free: Get Your Copy here!

Infertility and failed fertility treatments may have shaped your past, but they do not define your future. It’s time to release the blame, let go of the guilt, and start embracing the life that is waiting for you.

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Your story is not over—it’s just beginning. 💛

🎧 Listen now and take the first step toward healing, self-acceptance, and a future filled with possibility.

The holidays can feel especially heavy when you're childless after infertility and IVF. In this episode, I'm sharing heartfelt insights and practical strategies to help you navigate this season with grace, even when it feels like everything revolves around kids.

Whether you're grieving the loss of a dream of motherhood after fertility treatments failed you, feeling out of place at family gatherings, or looking for new ways to make the season meaningful, this episode is for you.

Join me as I offer support, validation, and actionable tips to help you honor your emotions, set boundaries, and create moments of joy that align with your life.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• How to Honor Your Grief and Emotions: Why it's common to feel both sadness and joy this season, especially after navigating infertility and childlessness after IVF failed.
• Setting Boundaries at Family Gatherings: How to protect your emotional well-being while showing up in a way that feels true to you.
• Navigating Holiday Triggers: Managing the constant reminders of what you hoped life would look like, from social media to family traditions, and why it’s normal to feel the grief of being childless after infertility.
• Creating Your Joyful Traditions: Ideas for new ways to celebrate that bring comfort and meaning to your holiday season when life without children looks different than you expected.
• Why You’re Not Alone: Real stories of support and love, even when life looks different than you dreamed, and why community matters when you are childless not by choice.

Special Invitation:

Join my FREE Masterclass on Thursday, December 19th at 6 PM Central Time where we’ll dive deeper into handling the holidays without children. I’ll share more tools and ideas to help you feel prepared, connected, and at peace this season, even if you’re childless after infertility.

Register Here

Key Moments:

• [00:01:31] Healing and the love I received—even without kids, and how I am processing life after IVF.
• [00:03:08] How the holidays highlight grief and bring up unexpected emotions for childless women after infertility.
• [00:06:32] The truth about grief: it doesn’t disappear, but we can learn to carry it with us.
• [00:07:25] Setting boundaries and permitting yourself to step back when needed.
• [00:08:31] Ideas to create new, meaningful traditions that honor your experience as a woman without children.
• [00:10:32] Holding two emotions at once: joy for others and grief for yourself.

Quotes to Inspire You:

• “Your worth is not defined by whether or not you have children. Your presence matters deeply.”
• “You can love your nieces and nephews while also grieving what hasn’t happened for you.”
• “The holidays can feel heavy, but you don’t have to navigate them alone.”

Connect with Me:

YouTube: @lana.manikowski

Instagram: @lana.manikowski

TikTok: @lana.manikowski

Website: lanamanikowski.com

Resources Mentioned:

• Register for the Free Masterclass: Handling the Holidays: Managing Your Family, Traditions, and Celebrations Without Kids
• Free Resource: The Top 2️⃣7️⃣ Things People Say When You Are Childless (...and how to respond)

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend who may need to hear this message. Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review—it helps me reach more women navigating life after infertility and IVF who need to hear they are not alone.

You are seen. You are loved. And you are not alone.

Welcome and Personal Update

• Vacation Preparation: Lana discusses the anxiety she felt as she prepared for her first vacation since leaving her corporate job, and how this trip is a significant change from her previous work-focused vacations.

Upcoming Free Coaching Class

• Free Webinar Announcement: Lana is hosting a free coaching class on September 10th at 6 PM CT. This session is designed to help those who struggle with responding to the question, "Do you have children?"
• Registration Details: You can sign up here: Sign Up for the Free Webinar. For those unable to attend live, a replay will be sent to all registered participants.

Today's Topic: Unpacking Anxiousness Around Vacation

• Working with a Life Coach: Lana explains how her recent session with her life coach brought up feelings of anxiety related to not working during her vacation. This was the first time she would be traveling without the responsibilities of her former corporate job.
• Past Corporate Life: Lana reflects on her time working in the medical field, where she often felt tethered to her job even during vacations. She recounts moments where she would hide in the bathroom to take work calls, illustrating how deeply her identity was tied to her work.

The Link Between Work and Self-Worth

• Job as Identity: Lana discusses how, for many women who are childless not by choice, their careers become a major source of validation and worthiness. She shares her own experience of feeling successful and validated through her job, especially after the emotional toll of infertility treatments.
• Common Struggles in Life After Infertility: Lana touches on how many women in her Thrive After Infertility Mastermind program face similar challenges—using work as a way to measure success and self-worth, often driven by the label of being a "failed patient" in fertility treatments.

Coaching Insights: Learning to Relax

• Feelings Work: During her coaching session, Lana did some “feelings work” to identify where her anxiety was manifesting physically. This exercise helped her realize she had difficulty relaxing and not working on vacation.
• Nervousness About Free Time: Lana also uncovered nervousness about spending uninterrupted time with her husband, despite their close relationship and shared love for travel. She questioned whether she knew how to enjoy downtime without the distraction of work.
• Reframing Vacation: By the end of her coaching session, Lana decided to allow herself to fully enjoy her vacation without the pressure to work. She prepared her business tasks in advance and planned to focus on reading—a goal aligned with her vision board.

Vision Board and Intentions for Vacation

• Choosing Activities Over Work: Lana shares how she selected two books to bring on vacation, aiming to replace any urges to work with reading. She emphasized the importance of aligning her vacation activities with the intentions on her vision board, which included relaxation and quality time with her husband, not working.
• Vision Board Inspiration: Lana encourages listeners to revisit her Instagram post from August 7th to see her vision board, which visually represents her goals for relaxation and connection during her vacation.

Final Thoughts and Invitation to Connect

• Free Coaching Session Offer: If this resonates with you and you'd like to talk through anything that's been holding you back, I’d love to help. You can schedule a free Thrive Session with me using this link: Schedule a Thrive Session.

Conclusion

• Encouragement: Lana closes the episode by acknowledging that none of us need to work during vacation and encourages listeners to embrace relaxation and enjoyment fully.