5 Ways to Stay Positive (When Everyone Else is Negative) | Ep 18

12/17/14 • 17 min

Inspiring Mama | A Happiness Podcast For Moms & Dads

Get quick happiness advice from Inspiring Mama podcast guests in the Quick & Dirty Guide to Actually Enjoying the Holidays. Get Instant Access Thinking positive thoughts helps you enjoy more of your life, but it’s not always easy, especially when people around you are complainers or Bad News Bettys (as I call them). In this podcast I explore how staying positive can improve your day-to-day experience of life. I will teach you five practical ways to stay positive no matter what is happening around you. Podcast Summary: Your thoughts create your reality. If you are focusing on the negative, meaning you are entertaining thoughts about negative things that could happen or that have happened, your experience of your life will be more negative. It’s very simple in theory but very difficult to actually practice. You do have control over what you think, much more control than you may think. You can’t stop thoughts from coming in, but you can choose not entertain them. Imagine an unwanted guest at you house. if you entertain him, he will stay. If you stop serving wine and cheese, and stop talking to him, he will probably leave. It works the same way with negative thoughts. Entertain them by focusing on them and they will stay around. Ignore them, or replace them with more positive thoughts and they will just move right through. You have the power to shift how you feel. It’s not like turning on and off a light. It may be more like slowing a fast moving train, but you can and will make a difference if you work on it. Here are my 5 ways to staying positive: 1. Build your own cheering squad in your head. List out a few mantras you can say to yourself that will lift you up or motivate yo. Mine are: "I can do this," "I doing a good job,” and “I’m ok.” 2. Remind yourself that motivating yourself with negativity does not work. Pushing yourself to succeed, be productive, work hard, or be a “good mom” with guilt, shame, and berating language actually makes you less likely to succeed. It makes you more likely to procrastinate and get depressed. If your goal is to feel happier and enjoy more of your life, then you’re on the wrong road if you are beating yourself up. 3. Figure out what you want. What is your ideal picture or outcome? Picture the outcome you want, using vibrant images. For example, if you want a really happy holiday week next week, picture what that would look like. How will you feel, how will the house look, how will the food look? How will your family connect? If you want to quit something, or do something more, like quit sugar or exercise, picture yourself doing it. 4. Move. Stand up straight, move your shoulders, roll them around, take a deep breath. Your body has a profound influence on your experience. If you feel negative, put on happy music and dance around. Change your body to change your thoughts and emotions. 5. Don’t get pulled into a complaining trap. When you are around negative people, Bad News Bettys I call them, don’t fall into the trap of bonding by complaining. You can stay empathetic without complaining along with them. Bonus Happiness Exercise: If you get triggered by family members or friends, try this. Next time they say something mean, picture yourself wrapping your hand around their head and giving them a big nougie and saying “ohhh you’re so cute with your....narcissism and meanness and way you always criticize me!” Or insert whatever they do to bother you. This will shift the way you see them and add lightness to the situation, which may help you not take them so seriously. To get a free happiness exercise every week join the Inspiring Mama Village here: Join the Village (you will get the Holiday Guide free too!) Click here to: Connect with me on Instagram!

Previous Episode

How to Yell Less & Connect More | Ep 17

Get wisdom from the experts in Inspiring Mama's Quick & Dirty Guide to (Actually) Enjoying the Holidays for free here: Get Instant Access "The way we react when our emotions run really hot means everything to our kids and to the next generation as well.” - Jessica Felix Yelling doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It just means that you could use a few more tools in your happiness toolbox. Parenting expert Jessica Felix discusses what happens when you flip your lid. Learn what NOT to do after you yell and how to turn even your most stressed out moment into a powerful learning experience for your children. Interview Summary: 3:20 - What happens in a child's brain when you yell regularly? Most of the time. we yell because we are stressed or because we somehow get triggered by our chidden. When you yell regularly at your children, you are programming their brains to respond poorly to stress. By flipping your lid regularly, you are setting them up to flip their own lids easily too. You were probably programed by your parents or caregivers when you were a child as well. 10:40 - What can you do when you yell to rebuild that connection? Start with an apology. It’s never a bad thing to apologize to your kids. Apologies aren’t just for adults. Don’t make your kids feel like THEY made you yell. Explain that this is not the way you want to be and that you’re sorry for yelling. It’s important for kids to know that you’re not infallible. Let your kids talk about how it felt for them when you were reactive. They can even draw a picture about it. Ask them open ended questions like - how did that make you feel, what were you thinking when that happened? This allows them to express all of their feelings around what happened. It can be hard to hear as a parent. Be careful not to minimize their feelings. Modeling this sort of communication is giving your kids tools for dealing with anger and stress in their own lives. 17:10 - What are the wrong ways to rebuild connection after yelling? Be careful not to make an excuse instead of apology. “I’m sorry I yelled, but you were really stressing me out.” Say I’m sorry I yelled - period. Don’t sweep it under the rug and ignore it either. If you don’t acknowledge that strong emotions exist, you are giving your kids the message that strong emotions are not ok. And try not to swing the pendulum the total other direction by rewarding them. For example, “Sorry I yelled, let’s go for ice cream.” This sets you up for many other pitfalls. 21:30 - What else can we do instead of yelling? The key to being responsive instead of reacting is preparation. You need a plan for what you will do the next time you get triggered or stressed. Step one is awareness - understand your triggers, the things that really get you right away. Maybe it's defiance or whining. Maybe it’s getting mud in the house. Triggers are different for everyone. What makes you really angry - maybe irrationally? Now picture it, go there. Think about how you would like to handle it, how you would like to feel. Triggers bothers us because of something a parent or caregiver did. Be aware that you have them and explore them (when they’re not happening). Then when you can imagine it happening, make a plan for how you would like to respond. Imagine what you can do to stay calm and respond the way that you want to respond. Rehearse it. Imagine your child doing your trigger, feel yourself get upset, then plan how to respond. This is a powerful visualization technique. Choose realistic (or lower) expectations. If your kids always whine at a certain time of day, be prepared for it. Plan how you will deal with it. Also set realistic expectations for the age of your children. And avoid compare-itis on social media. We see pictures and videos of our friend’s children’s best moments and compare our children. We’re taking everyone’s highlight reals and comparing them to our kids reality. This can raise our expectations of what our children are capable of. To learn more about Jessica visit the show notes page at here: Episode 17 Show Notes

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Oh Inner Peace, There You Are | Ep 19

Ever had an “ah ha” moment that made the world look differently to you? Host Lauren Fire shares her biggest ah ha moment of the year and teaches you how to feel more peaceful in your life right now.

Get 10 free happiness lessons when you sign up for Inspiring Mama’s Treat Yourself Challenge. 10 Days, 10 Ways to Shift from Crappy to Happy. Get Instant Access

Memorable Quotes:

My inner peace has to be more important to me than how much I get done or what other people think.

Most of us feel like we need to be productive or lose weight, THEN we can feel more peaceful. That’s backwards.

Work on the peace. Work on the happiness. Work on loving yourself and feeling good in your life, as it is right now, and the rest of it will fix itself.

As a mom, my inner peace is essential for my family to be healthy and happy. So I want to have more influence in how I feel.

I want to feel more peaceful and I’m going to make it happen. When I made this decision, I stopped caring what that voice in my head thought of me. There is so much freedom in that.

If you want to feel more peaceful:

1. 1. Decide that your inner peace is important.

2. 2. Start to become more aware of how you feel, in the moment.

3. 3. Make decisions about how you’re going to feel consciously, based on this new value system. Take the reins back. Choose how you want to respond to other people or events in life and choose inner peace more often.

I’d love to hear from you! Connect with me on Instagram and Twitter.