Hindsight is Horrifying - 0105 - Back to the Future

0105 - Back to the Future

02/26/19 • 88 min

GREAT SCOTT, MARTY! : Back to the Future

This week, we discuss the magnificent 1985 classic starring Jason’s old schoolmate, Christopher Lloyd. So, be prepared, listeners. If you’re not already somewhat familiar with this film, Jason will DEFINITELY be yelling at you to get off his damned lawn.

Let’s start with a question: Did you know that Eric Stoltz was the original Marty McFly? He’s Eric Stoltz Mask Marty! (for all of our Rick and Morty lovers our there).

In this episode, Jason and I (@Darth_Jader_) get in to some particularly serious content. We find that Marty’s “straight-laced” parents are total pervs deep down, which begs the question...is it okay to date your mom? NO, it is not. However, it is totally acceptable for your dad to spy on her with binoculars from a tree while she undresses.

On a wildly different note, we find that Mikhail Baryshnikov once told Lea Thompson (Marty’s mom) that she was too fat to be a ballerina. It sounds harsh, but thank goodness; we honestly cannot envision anyone else as the person that Marty McFly pretends to sexually assault ... and then Biff actually tries to sexually assault.

Despite the apparent message of this time traveling themed movie, Jason and I both realize that rape and violence are typically bad ideas. Don’t use those methods of problem solving, listeners, regardless of your feelings about the Temporal Prime Directive.

Speaking of which, can time traveling movies just make up their minds already? Are you supposed to change the timeline? Are you NOT supposed to change the timeline? I guess it depends on whichever eccentric scientist or Time Lord you befriended in high school. We’ll end with a personal plea from both of us: Universal, please build a float ride for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. We’ll wear the vest AND sing the songs.

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GREAT SCOTT, MARTY! : Back to the Future

Let’s start with a question: Did you know that Eric Stoltz was the original Marty McFly? He’s Eric Stoltz Mask Marty! (for all of our Rick and Morty lovers our there).

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Previous Episode

0104 - Antz

Welcome to the new world order: Antz

Bugs. Communism. Woody Allen. Does it get better than Antz? Welcome back down this rabbit hole, or rather, ant hill, of a podcast.

In this particular movie, Jason and I (@Darth_Jader_) discover that Sylvester Stallone is the Juggernaut of ants, and men only affect social change so they can win the girl.

On that note, the PG-13 rating along with seriously highbrow humor in this film do their part to protect kids from being exposed to Woody Allen’s neuroses. Amongst other things.

Continuing down that awkward train of thought amongst a myriad of mixed messages, ants can reproduce asexually, but are big fans of drinking beer out of anuses. Lesson learned: Don’t get drunk the ass beer, no matter how thirsty the pretzels might make you.

Jason and I discovered a few other things along the way:

Ants have no idea who Abraham Lincoln is because they’re communists.
Utopia is ultimately a garbage can of a myth.
Don’t drink the communist Kool-Aid
Don’t get involved in a land war with termites (in Asia or otherwise).
Bees will help you, but only if you’re pitiful Euro Trash.

The remaining question is: Who makes a more confusing movie hero? Woody Allen? Christopher Walken? It’s difficult to tell.

Our final piece of wisdom is this: Tombstones are nothing if not a ripe opportunity for supremely inappropriate humor. Danny Glover, please listen to our podcast. #TombstonePetition

Our second final piece of wisdom is this: Don’t forget to yell at strangers about your erotic fantasies.

A final thank you to Variant Brewing. Thank you for keeping us happy during recordings.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Next Episode

0106 - Hercules

The gods must be dirty: Disney’s Hercules

If you can dodge a lightning bolt, you can dodge a ball!

On this very special episode, Jason and @Darth_Jader_ (who loves writing about herself in the third person) actually manage to score their very first guest on this ridonculous podcast. @MagegMeg (we made her reachable...) joins us on this episode to flaunt her super-nerd strength in Greek mythology.

Speaking of which, Greek mythology gets a G-rated makeover in this movie that is punder arrest for its word play and obscene amount of dad jokes. That’s not to say that the humor in Hercules is anything but brilliant. Honestly, a good Oedipus joke is so hard to find these days.

Disney’s Hercules teaches us great lessons about endurance and character. Most importantly, this film teaches us that if you’re weakened to a mortal level by extract of llama, you can always bounce back with an energetic workout montage and a trip to The Big Olive.

We also learn that Hades is one SASSY bitch! Yet, he’s only successful in besetting upon Mt. Olympus once he borrows some god-LIKE powers from the partial-mortal, Hercules. #DisneyLogic

WE INTERRUPT THIS TERRIBLE EPISODE DESCRIPTION TO PROVIDE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE!

For the Ladies: Don’t trade your soul to save a man. They’re not worth it unless you’re using them for hair-slapping target practice. In the same train of thought, don’t idolize Disney Princes; they’re just air-brushed Cronenbergs.

For the Fellas: Don’t get fooled by a Pegasus taking off her “saddle”. She’s trying to distract you from the big picture. Also, we’re damsels, we’re in distress, get lost.

Ultimately, Disney’s Hercules teaches us that selflessness equates to a lack of godliness. So calibrate, listeners. Calibrate.

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