Episode 182 - Cabela's Big Gamer Hunter

Explicit content warning

05/22/20 • 121 min

The time has come. Far too long has "Big Podcast" had a hand in what HWIDG says. Remember the debacle that was Episode 180? Well, the shackles have been broken and it is time for us to #ReleaseTheSeidelCut. That's right, from now on the podcast will be edited by Todd and it will be a 4+ hour extravaganza! No more childish humor, no more feel-good voicemails, it's time for heady topics, grow room tips, and ska, a lot of ska. So get on your knees TRUE HWIDG fans, for your savior is here and his name is Todd and he brings:

Seatbelt Propaganda
* Campers
* Otherkin
* Songs That Are Too Good

Buckle up. Click it or ticket. What happens to naughty little kids that don't? Look at this picture of a kid with half of hid face missing! That's what happens! Luckily, the windshield's glass will probably nick your carotid artery as you fly through it, so you won't be in pain that long. Remember, typical emergency response is 10 minutes! And that's if someone even sees you crash! It's likely you'll be locked in your overturned, burning SUV for what seems like an eternity as the fire grows stronger, and you choke on the fumes, rendering you unconscious until the fiery pain of sixth-degree burns wake you. You didn't even know those existed did you? Well you would've if you just buckled up.

Imagine the smug 13 year-old with the best gun in the game, hiding in the corner of the map, in just the right spot, waiting for you to spawn in front of him. Don't you want to literally murder him? You've got nothing to do, now summer's over, you little twerp. Other people still have work and stuff You get to spend all day playing and finding your little camping spots. I just want to unwind after a long day, and i've got to deal with your BS. Honestly, the game should record your voice chat and send it to your mother. I bet you wouldn't ask her to s*** your g******* d**** and f**** on your c******.

Wouldn't you want to fly? To be a majestic eagle on the wind, with the freedom to go wherever, whenever, to swoop down to a lake and catch a fresh fish for dinner? To soar to new-OH. You're dead. Yeah, some rich jackass just shot you and is going to see what Kentucky Fried Eagle tastes like. Well, that wasn't so great, but that doesn't happen to every eagle, right? Sure, let's try again, you're flying through the air, but WHOOSH-you get sucked into a plane propeller and sliced to bits. But that's a freak accident right? Sure. Let's say you avoid those manmade accidents. You live for a wonderful 20 years. You're a strong, healthy head of your bird troop or whatever, but OOPS you just got bit by a snake. That's life. It's fast and cruel.

The problem with some songs is that they're too good. They find their way into your head and they wriggle around in there until it drives you insane. And listening to it does nothing but perpetuate the cycle! And it makes all other music sound like children's lullabies. How dare you make music this good? What gives you the right to mess with my brain like that?

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Seatbelt Propaganda
* Campers
* Otherkin
* Songs That Are Too Good

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Previous Episode

Episode 181 - Mandatory

Coming to NBC this fall, The New Normal, from the creators of the legendary Life. In this futuristic sitcom, we follow John Everyman in a post-apocalyptic New York City. After a virus wipes out a large percentage of humanity, John must go from eating from cans and virtual conference calls to having to put pants on again! And if that wasn't enough, his ex, Sarah, is back in town having recovered from the terrible flesh-eating virus! When they get back together it seems John has some issues with her new look! Catch it this fall with these other great shows:

Stickers
* Voter ID
* The Elder Scrolls VI
* Zoom

Stickers are good for one thing: making clean things dirty. I know, I know I'm in the minority, but that means you have to listen to me. I see stickers slathered on laptops and music gear all the time, and you know what, it makes me think less of that person. A single sticker meticulously placed at the center, or to hide a blemish? Perfectly A-OK. So many that you can't see the original color? BOO. It reminds me of the hallway of dingy venues that lead to the bathrooms, but without the scent of beer and piss and the packed-like-sardines groping going on.

Requiring any of a plethora of acceptable forms of identification when you vote seems reasonable. You can't buy liquor or Mortal Kombat without it, so why should voting be held to a lesser standard? Well if you're a white liberal, then voter ID is unlawful and racist, but when it comes to literally anything else, TAG ME DADDY GOVERNMENT. MAKE ME HOLD UP A SIGN SAYING I'M A FILTHY VAXXER, DADDY. WRITE IT ON ME, DADDY. LET'S TELL THE WHOLE WORLD I'M YOUR LITTLE CORONA SLAVE.

Skyrim? That shit's old. It came out like more than twenty years ago. I'm pre-ordering that hot new game TES6. It comes out on the PS6 next year, even my dad is excited, he said he was "hype AF". What a coronahead. While I'm here, let me get Street Fighter 7, Call of Duty Black Ops 9, and the new Destiny 2 expansion. Anyways, I heard that the NPCs in TES6 are *so* advanced that they've got like 50 different arrow in the knee stories.

Google Hangouts, Microsoft Teams, Zoom, whatever you use, it's creeped up into so many more people's lives. It's taking over everything, from live TV, to education. I honestly think we'll see Zoom Movies by next year. And you know what? It'll look LIKE GARBAGE. Jesus christ, send these people some decent hardware! YOU'RE BEING OUTDONE BY TWITCH STREAMERS. IT'S A NECESSITY FOR THEM. SIMPS NEED THEIR MOMMY JOI ROLEPLAY ASMR IN 4K 60FPS.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Next Episode

Episode 183 - Arachnid Photography

On this historic day, HWIDG goes where no formerly international podcast has gone before. That's right, HWIDG has teamed up with KFC, and with their help, today we are launching the first manned-spaceflight podcast recording session! Tab and Tim will climb aboard the majestic ship The Colonel which has been under construction for the last 5 years and has gone through thousands of hours of testing, and record the very first podcast from space! A quick reminder that today's shuttle launch is brought to you by none other than the world-famous KFC, try a new $30 Fill-Up Meal, perfect for a family of 4 plus leftovers, or a fat slob like you, you pig. Well, we're T-minus 30 minutes now and they're about to equip the Original Recipe© fuel tanks...hold on I'm getting some news... it appears that due to some light sprinkling of rain the launch has been postponed indefinitely, so back to your originally scheduled programming:
* Opening the Floodgates
* Working Under the Gallows
* Showrunners
* Dramacasts

If you let one vocal minority have their way and make a grand gesture of it, you open the floodgates for every other nut case to try and get their 15 minutes of fame. First we get the SnyderCut. Then the AyerCut of Suicide Squad, then the FiegCut of Ghostbusters, then the colorist's cut of Batman Begins, then the second assistant editor's cut of Saving Private Ryan, then Liam Neeson's driver's cut of Schindler's List, and before you know it, we'll have the cat of the great-granddaughter of the caterer's cut of BioDome!
How do you expect workers to care about work when they know their time is up? It's almost cruel to take someone in a retail job who has been there long enough to maybe start to like their little store, then tell them they're fired in 2 months, and also you have to help tear the place down. How can anyone feel good about going to work with a literal axe hanging over their head the whole time? Especially when there's a few of privilege that aren't losing their jobs. Just go ahead and put me in an orange jumpsuit with a ball-and-chain and make me build my own guillotine.

Showrunners! Sounds like they've got a lot of work to do. But really, they're an idea man/publicist. It's the job taken by someone that isn't good enough to be a director, but also isn't good enough to be the head writer, but has still somehow wriggled their way into importance, so the studio has to let them do something. It's like when there's a rich kid on a boat and he wants to drive it, so the captain plays nice and gives him his own little captain's hat and sets the boat to auto-pilot and lets the kid play with the steering wheel. If that kid's an asshole and if the captain isn't watching, he can really mess that boat ride up for everyone.
Who likes drama? No, not a gripping movie full of choices and consequences, but, like, petty drama. Gossip. Tabloid-esque news. I'll tell you who likes it, boring people. People that don't have hobbies, or friends, or a relationship, or a job. People who are missing some big part of life and haven't filled it with anything of substance. So they trick themselves into thinking that this drama between The Housewives of Orange County or between Twitch streamers XxVapeNinjaxX and ProJoe means something. And you'd think that there's one or two crazy people like that, but no. There's thousands. Millions even. It's terrifying.
All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!