Episode 172 - Drag n' Drop

Explicit content warning

03/13/20 • 152 min

Welp, this is it folks. Our last transmission. The government has raised the Rage-o-meter to DEAFCON-1. Rage all across the world is at an all-time high, and there are no signs of it letting up. As Patient Zero, Tab has bravely decided to go into quarantine where his body will be submitted to dozens of rigorous tests and ultimately will be dissected and studied in hopes for a cure. We here at HWIDG wish him well and wish all our listeners a Merry End of the World.

Apple
* Timewasters
* Days
* Silver Platter Dystopia

It just works. Except that it really doesn't. A MacBook is not a laptop, it's a MacBook. An iPad isn't a tablet, it's an iPad. iPhones, same thing. Apple doesn't care about standards. The only reason they bother to keep USB ports is because lightning/thunderbolt never caught on. If it was entirely up to them, they'd be introducing wacky triangle ports and 15 prong power jacks.

Time is money, folks. Everyone's time is worth a certain amount. It's why celebrities can charge $250 for a photo and an autograph. So when someone goes out of their way to purposefully or ignorantly waste my time. I need them to pay up. We need to start billing folks for wastes of time. Invoices galore. Here's a list of today's holidays: Debunking Day, Dream Day, Johnny Appleseed Day, National Promposal Day, No Smoking Day (UK), Oatmeal Nut Waffles Day, Registered Dietician Nutritionist Day, World Plumbing Day, Worship of Tools Day, and World Day of Muslim Culture, Peace, Dialogue, and Film. I hope you've got all your loved ones the proper gifts for each one.

If you thought your local tornado/flooding/snowstorm hysteria was crazy? What happens with a new global disease? It's Children of Men/The Road/Mad Max up in here already. In fact, we've started welding spikes onto Tab's Mustang's wheels, and we're nailing armor plates to it as we speak. Everyone remember to crowdfund the new version of our emotion implants, mine's been off recently, letting me be too happy.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Apple
* Timewasters
* Days
* Silver Platter Dystopia

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Previous Episode

Episode 171 - Hello How Are You Today

Everyone's sick. We've all got a bit of the coronavirus in us already, and now we're just waiting for the alien eggs to hatch from our stomachs. That's right folks, in my 4 AM congestion-fever haze I discovered that COVID-19 is actually alien babies that want our warm bodies as incubators for their furtive young. Also, Jim Henson was assassinated by the CIA, Hilary Clinton's lizard baby grew up to be Katy Perry, and Tupac and Elvis were the SAME GUY. Row row row your boat gently down the stream oops I activated a Russian asset in Minnesota and now we moved in together and have a pet komodo dragon.

ASMR
* Closing Pandora's Box
* Not Expecting Failure
* Burying OC

I don't get ASMR. If you want someone to whisper in your ear, the Ying Yang Twins already did it 15 years ago. And they were so polite about it. I guess some guys just have a need to spend money on a virtual girlfriend that they share with 15,000 other dudes. It's like The Bachelorette, but she's married and isn't going to touch any of the dudes, but they keep giving her flowers and presents. But keep in mind, none of this is sexual. Except for the sexy girl pretending to be your girlfriend. And the guys yanking it to her. Not sexual.

Once something is on the internet, it's there forever. There are literally weirdos that catalogue and archive all content they find on mountains of hard drives. Petabytes upon petabytes of content that will one day be like gold bars after the apocalypse. You'll be eating your canned franks and beans when you suddenly get a hankering for some old hilarious viral video. With the internet having been destroyed 10 years ago, you're out of luck, unless you can scrounge up enough bottle caps to pay for an hour with one of King Tyler's precious HDDs.

Everyone is constantly disappointed. Why? Because they expect too much. Lower them expectations, people. If you expect most people to be complete j-holes, screw ups, and generally failures at life, well when someone comes around and they're a decent person they've completely surpassed your expectations! This goes for people, media, and pretty much everything in life. It's like in Iron Man, when Tony Stark returns from weeks of captivity eating nothing but bland gruel, that flame-broiled Burger King Whopper tastes like heaven. Be Tony Stark.

Speaking of the internet. Once you put something out there, you no longer own it. It's the classic meme: "You made this?" "I made this." Throw out some great art, dozens of people steal it and put it on a shirt. Some rapper from Azerbaijan makes it his album art. Your twitter post of it has 120 retweets, and CYBER ART 20XX posts it, doesn't credit you, and gets 544K retweets, with dozens of comments asking where they can buy a print of it. But you're an asshole for asking them to just mention you.

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!

Next Episode

Episode 173 - Quarantined (ft. ASERiley)

Quarantine Day 6: The bunker still stands. Despite the constant raids and attacks by packs of rabid dogs, our stash of TP has been mostly untouched. Tab and I ran out of Todd meat yesterday, so I had to make the choice. It was either him or me. I set a trap with some new shiny Mustang parts, and he fell for it. I guess that means no more podcast anymore. So for one last time, here's what I don't get: having to eat your friends in the apocalypse. I'm sure you've all had to the same or worse in these terrible times. At least my government quarantine stipend came in today! Maybe I can trade it for some barbecue sauce for these ribs. Anyways, here's the last episode we recorded before Tab gracefully gave himself up for burger meat.

IRL Lootboxes
* #coronaculture
* Thots

Millennials don't gamble? Give me a break, millennials have been gambling away their money on FIFA Ultimate Team packs and LootCrates since their inception. A randomly chosen box of nerd stuff just for me? Why yes I'll buy that blindbox! This indie developer wants to make the biggest and most realistic MMORPG ever with a fully fleshed-out dragon sex simulation mode? Why yes I'll give them 300 dollars for the tier that includes the game, beta access, and a handmade dragon scale condom!

How's everyone else doing under our government mandated curfews and martial law? Good? Well, I've become accustomed to the taste of canned "chili" already, and I've got spike pits conveniently placed outside the front door. My Bane impression has been perfected, and my dog now attacks on command. Once the air outside clears up, I'll go check out the thunderdome they retrofitted the event center into. Hopefully I can fight a midget riding a mentally handicapped giant like I've always wanted to.

You know back in the day, science fiction writers wrote about their visions of the future and the eventual problems we would face because of technology. Never did George Orwell think that when he wrote about his dystopian future where thoughts were the main form by which men were controlled, that he would be right. Kind of. Though to be honest, look up a picture of the dude. Doesn't he look like the kind that would throw a fit when he found out his favorite e-girl had a boyfriend?

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or by BUYING A SHIRT!