Harmony in the Home

Do you find it nearly impossible to create habits that stick? Today I will go over how best to create habits that stick and you'll understand why it is so hard . With these skills you may see your stress lighten which will lead to you having more harmony in your home. Check out our sponsor Herbal Face Food and support the show by clicking the link https://tinyurl.com/KellysFavoriteAntiAgingSerum and using the code Harmony20 at checkout for 20% off. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

We talk a lot about B- parenting and with that comes a lot of mistakes and blunders and imperfections from both parties. Living in compassion and grace and empathy for ourselves allows us to give that gift to our kids. Today I talk about the 4 Rs of an apology developed by the Gottman Institute which is the leader on relationships and great to model this for our kids. The 4 Rs are Responsibility Repair No Repeat Remorse Read more about it here: https://www.gottman.com/about/john-julie-gottman/ Zap me back to tell me your biggest takeaway from this episode. Subscribe on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/harmony-in-the-home/id1471554293 Subscribe on Android: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kelly-hutcheson/harmony-in-the-home Join my FREE parenting bootcamp: https://mailchi.mp/038b02da043a/freebootcamp Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com Find me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/kelly.hutchesonFind me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/kelly.stouthutcheson

In this episode, I’ll revisit the monster task: organizing your house! I talked extensively about Brooke Castillo’s CTFAR Model in episode 65, and I’ll mention it again here because plugging your thoughts and feelings (or what you want to think and feel) into this model will help you accomplish your goals. Just like I talked about in episode 64, the Goldilocks principle of a happy “medium” state of being applies not only to your parenting style but to the state of your home. As you work to find a mutual compromise between the members of your family, you’ll feel happier and your kids will feel happier too. I’ll discuss the simultaneous application of various brain hacks to help you slay the beast. One of my favorite tricks is Francesco Cirillo’s Pomodoro technique: set a timer to put your mind in work mode. Sometimes I think to myself, “If I clean for 20 minutes, it won’t be enough, and I’m too tired to clean for 30,” so I’ll set a timer for 25 minutes. More Goldilocks. I also use Dan Sullivan’s “80 Percent Approach” (get mostly there) to say “it’s good enough” because I know I’ll be revisiting any place I clean soon enough. And most importantly, I think about Darren Hardy’s concept of “The Compound Effect,” which is that many small actions over time will have an enormous net effect. That’s never truer than when organizing and cleaning a house! And most importantly, every time you cross off a completed task in your list, the neurons in your brain fire off a little dopamine, a neurotransmitter chemical responsible for “feeling good” and other regulatory functions. So don’t pass up the opportunity to get free drugs! Let’s get cleaning! As a little motivation for you, here’s our transformation video from 2013. https://youtu.be/VHHBcG3Somg I can’t believe we used to live with that clutter! HOLY STRESS! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

Everybody knows this phrase: “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We push this idea for children to say in order to not cede emotional control to a bully, but the simple truth is that words DO hurt. When I was an elementary school teacher and counselor, I did an exercise I call “toothpaste words” to demonstrate this principle. The origin escapes me, but I have used it many times. It goes something like this: I had a funny-looking puppet and a paper heart representing the puppet’s emotions. I would have my students come up to the front of the classroom one by one to say mean things about the puppet’s glasses or dress and squeeze a little toothpaste from a tube onto the paper heart. Then, when everyone was finished, I would say, “okay, now we are going to fix those hurtful things by complimenting the puppet and we’ll put the toothpaste back in the tube!” Of course, it was impossible to put all the toothpaste back into the tube. Unkind words or actions leave a lasting mark in real life, too. The primary application is to teach children empathy by helping them understand the ways in which their behavior affects other people. It’s an engaging visual presentation that you can refer to again and again; saying “those are toothpaste words” will elicit a stronger empathetic response than just saying “that’s naughty.” But your children may also call you out for your own toothpaste words and actions. If you are willing to set aside your own ego, you will learn from this experience as much as they do. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

The theme for this week is centered around taking one small step toward recognizing and honoring your child as a unique spirit — a gift from God, the Universe, whatever you want to call the great cosmic power — with an appropriately unique set of skills, abilities, and needs. I remember a conversation with my daughter Lily when she was very small, in elementary school, wherein she told me unprompted that she was like a sponge. When I asked her what she meant by that, she explained that she felt like she absorbed many emotions until she couldn’t absorb anymore, and just like water leaking out of the sponge, the tears leaked out of her eyes. This was an eye-opening epiphany for me. Children feel the exact same emotions we feel. They are incredibly perceptive of nonverbal communication; it’s all they know until their brains develop language skills. They can sense when their parents are having a confrontation. They can tell when people are pretending to have one emotion while really feeling another. In addition, children are just like sponges — or perhaps it would be better to say they’re like paper towels. Just like all the competing paper towel brands, each child has their own emotional capacity before they hit their limit, and each is different from the rest! Until children develop a basic set of tools to name a tricky emotion, understand why they’re feeling it, and execute appropriate strategies to deal with it, they are going to be sponges and towels, soaking wet with emotion. This is NORMAL for their age and stage. Even after they have those tools, they’ll get weepy often enough. I know I do — though much less now that I am practicing mind management and conscious parenting! Make it your business to get curious, not furious, when your kids act out, so you can help them develop the tools they need to navigate tricky emotions successfully. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!